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05/18/2011 11:32 PM

Help looking forward


I have had a hard time with depression and more recently other issues like anxiety. It has taken its tool on my ability to work and now my family has given up on me including my son who reject me and my family for his father and his family.

I have been going to therapy, taking meds and doing CBT to move forward in rebuilding my life.

But today I just was having a hard time turning my attention forward toward my goals. I kept looking back at my past where I have no power.

What do you do to change your attitude to look forward? I need more ideas of what to do.


05/19/2011 01:01 AM
Posts: 13771
VIP Member


First of all sounds like you are taking all the right steps so much kudos to You! Secondly yet equally first,

know that your desire to let go of the past will help you to refocus your attention positively to your goals- like anything new it takes time for it not just to get it in your head yet for it to be etched upon your heart too then when your head and heart are in tune with one another and you will your spirit to comply then you can make good progress forward!!

We are all here to help you, too!!

Samadha- you can achieve authentic power yet like you said this can never happen by living or hanging on to the past. We can learn from the past yet we cannot live there- use it to motivate you to go forward.

Know you can do this.

Will look for some articles online on this topic, too.

Know that nothing worthwhile is easy or an easy path so to get to where you want to be will be tough yet when you want this more than anything else you can get there for sure. Be gentle with your fine self as you may have mini set backs yet as long as you are committed to a better life for you you can achieve this plus you have all the support of us here.

Massively rooting for You.

Gentle hugs, Love Clarita

Silly Smile Kissing the butterfly 7d6355b15f7d42d1878e9c8607969504

05/19/2011 01:52 AM
Posts: 3465
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello, welcome I have clinacl depression. So I can relate. We are a great bunch of good positive ppl and you can get help here. HUGS River

05/19/2011 03:38 AM

Hi Samadha I thnk I recognize you from some other groups but if this is your first time to this group a big warm welcome to you. Surrounding yourself with postive people like the ones you find here can be an important step in living a happier life.

I know how hard things can be when you are depressed. I am diagnosed with bipolar and often have episodes of deep dark depression. How I stay focused on my goals and the future is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a tool used in DBT therapy ( similiar to CBT) that teaches you to be more present in the moment. Here is a link about how to be present in the moment:

By living in the moment, your mind is focused on what is and not on what hasn't been. I know it can be hard to not think of the past but if you are focused on what is and not on what isn't than you will find that the past will not haunt you as much.

I wish you the best and keep working on your CBT skills. CBT has helped me very much and also make sure you are taking your medications as prescribed.

If you would like more help with things I talked about here just send me a pm. I have lots of skills in my toolbox. Smile

05/19/2011 03:45 AM
damselndistressPosts: 17370
VIP Member

I'm thinking maybe we need to make goals for each day and get into a positive routine.

I had a wonderful life was a real go getter-never stopped.

It's interesting because the people that I share my diagnosis with also fit this profile.

They were often athletes or runners and type A personalities.

One day at work I just collapsed.

Got a whiff of ammonia and felt like I was going down.

I had worked there for 18 years and always excelled at my job it was a huge part of my life.

I was on top of the world basically my husband and I had hit the $150 grand mark per year income together and we had worked hard to get there.

We had big plans for building a house etc.

These episodes continued and got worse.

I would be doing something as simple as running a vacccuum and I would just get bad cardiac symptoms to where I felt my heart was going to just stop.

It's like it couldn't keep up-I would get lightheaded etc.

It's been really hard for me to go from so active and on top of the world to not knowing how much time I really had left.

For a long time I thought I was going.

It hurt to breathe.

I could not read my child a story without getting out of breath all together.

My lungs are stronger now.

My heart is a bit stronger but nothing like I was before.

When I would do things as simple as hang up laundry I would start getting a blackness in my vision like I was going to black out and don't ask me why I pushed through.

I have felt very weak and scared during this time and it has affected my family too.

I wish there was a way I could have sheltered the kids from it but my 4 year old still comes up to me and asks, "Mommy are you dying?"

I say no. Hoping that I'm right.

I don't say no with confidence because I've just been through too much.

During this time I haven't always gotten support from family.

My parents are on board now but it took them a long time.

I heard a lot of hurtful things from them in the beginning just because they didn't get it.

So that made me hurt really bad and feel even more alone in this.

My husband also threatened to leave me and take my children if I do not get better.

It is very difficult for him to accept having me function of a level that is maybe 1/10 of what I used to do.

He has to do the grocery shopping now because I am not strong enough.

I cannot push a cart and breathe at the same time.

It's been very hard for me.

I've spent many days in tears not knowing what is going to happen next.

I can't say I've been positive...I just kept going...kept eating...kept drinking.

There were times I had to go to the bathroom that I was scared to even get up.

So what I did was take my bp monitor and my cell phone with me.

I thought worse case I can lay on the floor and call for help.

I have absolutely hated being alone with the kids during this time.

My worst fear is/was something really would happen to me and they would have to witness it. That makes my heart hurt to even think about that.

So after expaining all that.

I think I am at a point to start looking forward instead of back to trying to get into a routine and doing healthy living things each day rather than having my focus on a sick bed. I can always go lay down if I need to.

And many things it is possible if I do sitting like doing my hair putting on make up. etc.

When I stand my heart rate skyrockets.

I do much better moving so I think maybe there are ways I can get more in the living world if I am mindful of my limitation and just try to enjoy each day as much as I can.

I think the goals maybe important.

Just one or two things each day along with somewhat of a routine?

And that might be a good place for both of us to start?

It's overwhelming yes.

I just want my life back my body back.

The one that just gets up and takes normal function for granted and never worried about her heart or what her pulse or bp was.

There are many just like me I have to remember that.

I wish you the best at looking forward.

I would be willing to try to do this together if we can find a way to encourage each other and celebrate the small successes.

Even though I didn't have goals or hope really my progress has been positive because I just didn't give up. And even when I felt like I was ready to give up. There was something about that giving up I did that just let go of the fear element and allowed me to do more that helped me to gain back just a little more strength everyday.

If nothing else strength to go on.

Each day that I make it even when I feel bad-I can look back when I get that feeling and say okay I made it this far. I've felt pretty bad and God hasn't taken me yet so it is most likely I'll make it through this day too.Smile

05/20/2011 11:52 PM

thanx everyone, it is true that just getting going and getting things done takes an act of god.

Look forward, stay in now, do goals, breathe, affirmations, meditation, therapy, EMDR, work rehab.

One day at a time I can live using these tools.


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