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03/28/2011 06:50 AM

So much negativity

BabyNotSoBeautiful

I have no idea where to let it all go! I keep crying and crying and everything hurts so bad. It seems like Everytime someone dies it's my fault, Everytime something goes wrong it's my fault, Everytime someone gets hurt it's my fault! I don't know how much more of this crap I can take...

Sorry for the negativity you guys...

-Baby

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03/28/2011 07:06 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

Hey Baby, The truth is it cannot always be your fault when anything not positive happens in your life! If anyone says that this is so then they are twisting the truth, too!!

When someone dies that most certainly is not your fault!!

Why do you feel guilty all the time for bad stuff happening?

Only you can take control of the negative thinking- no one can do it for you!! You have to decide- hey you know what Baby deserves better than this for myself! Find the right counselor , CBT or life coach or whatever professional works best for you to help you work on these negative feelings.

There are posts here that help with conquering negative thoughts yet methinks you need more than just looking at these posts to help you through!

Have you positive individuals in your life- any good role models in your family or circle of friends?

You are the one who can free you. Others can help. Yet, if you want to be free you will find a way to be free.

Just wonder if you are scared to get angry at others or at what has happened to you in your past -that is why you are taking it out on You- turning the anger inwards?

Natty here has psychiatric nurse training so methinks she is much much better qualified than myself to help you here.

Am an optimist yet not a therapist or have any training whatsoever in anything medical or psychology background.

Do however care big time.

Am a good listener so please pm me or chat with me!

You owe it to You to find a team who can help you to feel good about you- search out for the right therapists as well as find people who care so as to be your cheerleader.

Never ever ever give up on You!!

You may have had lots of trauma as well as bad luck in your life - yet you can turn it around!

You have two choice in this life- only two- either you let bad things make you bitter or you let it make you better- you take the harder road yet the road to freedom- you are either a victim or a survivor.

Assemble your team to help you /enable you to become a survivor!

Rooting massively for You Baby!

Mighty special hugs to a beautiful young lady , love Clarita

Nothing is impossible

Everything is possible Today lion courage


03/31/2011 07:01 AM
BabyNotSoBeautiful

I'm trying hard to turn things around and bring positive energy to myself but with so much decisions to make and so many things to do this is all getting frustrating and giving me a huge headache.

I think I'm going to go for a run with my ST Bernard this evening... Hopefully he'll bring me some sort of happiness.


03/31/2011 09:32 AM
Zuria
Zuria  
Posts: 848
Member

Baby – I haven't talked at length with you but I feel you need to “hear” what I have to say because I have been where you are, in a way, and I have felt exactly the words you wrote.

I've read your profile piece and if you are struggling with the SI that I'm most familiar with than I'm sorry because it's hard. I'm also sorry that you are struggling with “some addictions”. Being bisexual I can understand parents not caring and caring too much.

Sometimes it is hard for us to think logically because well, plain and simple, sometimes logic isn't on speaking terms with us. However, if you think logically then there is no possible way that “It seems like Everytime someone dies it's my fault, Everytime something goes wrong it's my fault, Everytime someone gets hurt it's my fault!” That's not possible.

Like you I find myself feeling this way a lot and its irrational thinking. You let it all go here; on paper and then burn that piece of paper as if to say it's done and over I'm moving forward, to a close friend, standing in the middle of a field screaming at the top of your lungs, etc. But never on yourself because it's NOT your fault and it won't ever be - even if you look for excuses to make it so.

Decision making = one step, thought, moment, second AT A TIME. That's the simplest way.


03/31/2011 11:17 PM
BabyNotSoBeautiful

I hear you through and through Zuria..

I understand that I shouldn't be taking on so many burdens, I shouldn't be blaming myself for things that are completely out of my control, I shouldn't be doing or feeling a lot of things that I am.. But I am. And it's painful and frustrating and I can't figure out any other possible ways to get rid of that pain, and that frustration, than to re-inflict it upon myself.. To have those few minutes of relief.

Please Zuria, if you've found an external route to relief, that doesn't involve self harm, tell me. Cause it hurts, a lot. I can't deal with this pain, I can't deal with the disapproval, the anger, the self hatred... I can't handle any of this anymore..

It's all, just... Too much..


04/01/2011 10:09 AM
Zuria
Zuria  
Posts: 848
Member

File Attachment:
File name: Baby.doc
File size:41472 bytes

04/01/2011 10:58 AM
BabyNotSoBeautiful

Thank you. Very much...

04/01/2011 11:07 AM
Zuria
Zuria  
Posts: 848
Member

When you're ready it will all fall into place and happen. I can promise you that. I know that to be truth. Let me know what you think once you have had time to read it, absorb the words, and think on it. I'll be waiting.

Much Love,

Zuria


04/01/2011 02:18 PM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

Zuria, You are awesome!! Most impressed with your fabulous words to Baby in the document- contained much wisdom as well as insight, methinks for sure!!

Zuria's own experiences makes her especially good at helping you Baby face your present challenges as she can fully empathise with you right now!! So, please do take the time to read then reread the document fully- think it all over. Yes, adsorb the words.

Keeping you very much in my thoughts as well as prayers Baby.

Gentlest of hugs, love Clarita

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