Self Esteem & Positive Thinking Support Group

By Charlie Badenhop

Have you ever caught yourself sitting around thinking that if you were "just" a bit different when it comes to this or that, you would be so much more desirable, wealthy, or good looking? Such conversations can seem so believable while actually being so destructive. What would your life be like if you appreciated your imperfections as the signature of your soul?

Whether you consider yourself to be "perfect" or not, is an important topic for most anyone that would like to live a happy life. It seems to me that many if not most people, feel they are somehow lacking or imperfect. Because of their belief, they spend a lot of money, a lot of time, and a lot of anxiety, trying to achieve a goal that moves further away with every accomplishment.

For instance, you lose quite a lot of weight and now you feel that the skin on your face seems to be hanging in a strange way. Or you finally get enough money to buy a new wardrobe, only to find that the fashion for the upcoming season is radically different than what you just bought at a discount. I have a young friend who got his hair cut short for a job interview as an in-store male model, only to find his potential boss sitting there with his hair in a pony tail.

Is it really that life is unfair, or is the problem simply that we are often chasing an image of ourselves that is somehow not all that real or realistic?! Do you try to make it appear like you have no flaws? Or do you relish how such flaws add to your uniqueness? I find in my own life, it is so important to go beyond the oppositional thinking of right or wrong, good or bad, and in the process, accept, and fall in love with, who I really am.

For example:

I truly believe that I have a fair share of people friendly qualities, and yet I know that I still also can be harsh at times. I know that I can be entertaining and intriguing, and that does not stop me from also being boring at times. I am a little bit of everything, and not all of any one thing. I try to understand myself as both/and, rather than either/or. I try to understand myself from an aesthetic that comes from my own heart, and not from the advertisements I see on TV.

The more I stop trying to be perfect, the more I discover just how perfect I already am. Does this sound a bit egotistical? I am talking about the perfect imperfections that a potter sees in her pots. She strives to maintain the soul of what she is making, by insuring that her pots don't become so perfect that they appear machine made.

I remember watching not too long ago, an interview with Robert Redford. The interviewer wondered out loud, since Redford was getting older, wouldn't he want to have some cosmetic surgery. Redford looked a bit surprised by the question. He looked intently at the interviewer, and then said, "Cosmetic surgery? Oh my god no! I wouldn't want to erase my soul from my face. I would rather like to think there is something about me that is somehow unique. I don't want to look like who I used to be. I want to look like who I am. "

How about you? Any chance that you are sometimes trying to cover up your perfection, in an attempt to appear perfect?

There is nothing more special than simply being yourself.

And realizing that any subtraction OR addition,

Would simply take away from who you really are.

Your soul has a signature.

Don't erase it and replace it with someone else's calligraphy. •

© 2005 Charlie Badenhop

That was awesome. I just turned 61 and thought OMG I am an old lady. ( I was refered to as an elderly woman recently) I look older. My Mom died 1 year ago( 93). I only have 2 Aunts left ( 97 and 96) and the that whole generation is gone. Now it's my turn to be in the Older group. I have lost 4 cousins in my generation. I have had a strugggle through my life. I just don't want to die with regrets.

Don't feel to bad Gina, I am referred to as one of the "older Men" of our congregation. It is often said that with age comes wisdom. Part of that wisdom is to leave the past where it is, in the past. We move on from our struggles (and we have all had them) and live our lives as best we can from that point on. Don't regret the past, live for the future.

I dont care how old or young you are if you fit here you will stay here.....and it will be how you feel about being here....I am older too, 59 in March but actually 10 years older because of the spine and lungs and fibro and ain't life grand?

My father in law, when he got quite old before he died declared he wanted to "die with not Great Egrets" I always loved the play on words and plan on making a funny little quilt with a great egret on it standing in a marsh....

I better plan on making it pretty soon we never know what i going to happen!

Good one John, I always say that I earned each and every wrinkle I have and I have plenty!

Darling Sisterfriend, Clarita, how do you do it, in all your pains you manage to find us the most uplifting things for our little home,. Thank you love, you are so appreciated!

I have had the options and I choose no, my wrinkles are mine alone and honestly come by, I look at this face and I know that life as full as it has been, has also been hard won. I dont want to forget that.

nats