Self Esteem & Positive Thinking Support Group

“Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

This is a contribution by Alexandra Heather Foss on the website Tiny Buddha

Beauty is a concept I struggle with—what it means, why it matters. I struggle because huge chunks of my life have not been beautiful. They have been ugly, marred by trauma, with pain, and anger.

We think of beauty and often visualize glossy magazine pages and wafer thin models. We see beauty as superficial—eye color, hair texture, and numbers on a scale. We see beauty as something to be measured and weighed.

I don’t see beauty that way. I see beauty as the grace point between what hurts and what heals, between the shadow of tragedy and the light of joy. I find beauty in my scars.

We all have scars, inside and out. We have freckles from sun exposure, emotional trigger points, broken bones, and broken hearts.

However our scars manifest, we need not feel ashamed but beautiful.

It is beautiful to have lived, really lived, and to have the marks to prove it. It’s not a competition—as in “My scar is better than your scar”—but it’s a testament of our inner strength.

It takes nothing to wear a snazzy outfit well, but to wear our scars like diamonds? Now that is beautiful.

Fifteen years ago, I would have laughed at this assertion.

“Are you crazy?” I’d say, while applying lipstick before bed. I was that insecure, lips stained, hair fried by a straightening iron, pores clogged by residue foundation, all in an attempt to be different from how I naturally was, to be beautiful for someone else.

I covered my face to hide because it hurt to look at myself in the mirror. I was afraid my unbeautiful truth would show somehow through my skin—that people would know I had been abused, that I as a result was starving myself, harming myself in an effort to cope. I was afraid people would see that I was clinging to life by a shredding thread.

Now? I see scars and I see stories. I see a being who has lived, who has depth, who is a survivor. Living is beautiful. Being a part of this world is beautiful, smile-worthy, despite the tears.

Beauty isn’t a hidden folder full of Kate Moss images for a kid dying to forget and fit in, a lifted face, a fat injected smile, or six-pack abs. It is the smile we are born with, the smile that sources from the divine inside, the smile that can endure, even if we’ve been through a lot.

Emotional pain is slow to heal, as I have been slow to heal. My healing started with a word I received as a birthday gift. It was a photograph my friend took of a forest, the word “forgive” painted in pink on a stone. I didn’t understand why that word meant something until I really started to think about it.

I blamed myself for so long for things that weren’t my fault. Life stopped being beautiful to me, I stopped feeling beautiful inside, and my smile stopped shining beauty out into the world.

I think in order for us to make life beautiful we need to feel our smiles as we feel our frowns.

For so long, I only honored only my pain and my sorrow. I lost my smile, less because of the trauma and more because I spent so much time lamenting my scars.

When I decided they were beautiful, I became beautiful. When I took power away from the negative emotions, my unchangeable traumatic past, I was better able to find joy in the present.

How did I do this?

First, I made a soul collage, a board for the life of my dreams. I pasted onto the poster magazine images that depicted things I see as myself and want for myself. It became a beautiful visual guide for what matters to me beyond the superficial.

This board reminds me to honor who I am in essence, who I was before anything bad happened to me, before I believed anything was wrong with me. This board provides me with a path of beauty through the scars.

Secondly, I found the book The Why Café, by John P. Strelecky. He encourages readers to pinpoint their PFE (purpose for existence). While reading, I realized beauty is my PFE. My purpose is to make whatever I can beautiful. Not beautiful in the superficial sense but in the smile of the heart and soul sense. Thus far, it’s working.

Sometimes all it takes for your life to change is a shift in perspective, one solitary action, one solitary word, and everything is different—an action like a smile, a word like forgive.

Take a moment now to smile. Do you feel it in your muscles? In your skin? In your toes? Where do you feel happiness?

When bad things happen, we don’t instinctively feel happy and beautiful, but we don’t need to despair because life gets ugly sometimes. Joy and beauty are everywhere, in everything, in every one of us—no matter how we look, and no matter how we may hurt temporarily.

Grace is beauty in motion and we can create it by choosing to smile—to recognize that we’re strong, despite our insecurities, and the world is an amazing place, despite its tragedies.

We may hurt, but we will heal—and there’s beauty in our scars

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Just wanted to share a picture of these risso dolphins for you too as think they are scarred yet beautiful creatures, too!

Hope, truly hope the above article will help some of you here who have scars yet struggle to see you are beautiful. Hope it may help you to heal somewhat reading the above post, as well.

Giant gentle hugs from this scarred yet beautiful batgirl Clarita

Written on October 23, 2011 by Dr. Susan Mathison

Scars…most of us have them. I have 4 visible scars and countless invisible ones. I’m actually grateful for the visible scars. They are reminders of broken bones healed, joints reborn, stones banished and thankfully benign nodules gone. I have stories of adventure, of denial , of pain and of movement regained through these scars. I create scars when I operate on patients, and mindful of their effect, try to minimize them as much as possible. Sometimes these procedures happily improve function of eyes so that they may see and noses so that they might breathe freely. Sometimes the scars are unhappy reminders of cancer. I influence and repair scars with ointments and lasers, but rarely make them invisible.

Scars are areas of fibrous tissue that replaces the normal after trauma, disease or surgery. They are the result of the natural healing process. This fibrous tissue is composed of collagen, a normal component of tissue. During wound healing, the collagen is arranged in a line, rather than the supportive basketweave of normal tissues. Some people think that scar tissue is the strongest tissue in your body, but unfortunately this is not true. Surface scars lack sweat glands and hair follicles, and are more sensitive to sunlight. The heart muscle , if injured by lack of blood flow during a heart attack, forms a scar which lessens the heart’s ability to pump. Internal organs can be damaged and scarred by accidents and even our lifestyle choices. These physical scars are visible only under a pathologist’s microscope. Sometimes scars overgrow the bounds of the initial injury and become keloids. Some scars contract and limit movement.

What about the invisible scars of our spirit? We all have a few of these too. How do these shape our personal stories? When I look back childhood memories, most are happy. But there are a few searing moments of not fitting in, of being ditched at the freshman Homecoming dance (J L. wherever you are,) of not making the cheerleading squad (this was a good thing!) Even as an adult, there are scars of times when things didn’t go according to the plan and I failed or have been let down. While these scars are subtle and hidden, they can have profound impact on our behavior and approach to life. Scars, both visible and invisible, can hold you back or inspire you.

Michael Bungay Stanier, a businessman and author of Do More Great Work and I’m Scarred, was born with a cleft lip and palate. He had many surgeries as a child. His scars can be seen and heard, as he speaks a bit differently due to his condition. He writes that his scars make some people uncomfortable, and it would be easy to stay quiet. This is his disability. On the other hand, his scars are a source of power. He stands out from the crowd, and people find it easier to connect with him because of his obvious vulnerability. He can be a role model. He states, “I believe that where we’ve been wounded, and the scars we’ve collected along the way, could be the source of our greatness.

Whatever the facts….In the end, you get to regard your scars as sources of strength and wisdom, or as the ties that bind.” What stories do your scars tell?

PEARLS

“Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.” ~Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter

http://positivelybeautiful.com/the-story-of-scars/#

One day a young man was standing in the middle

of the town proclaiming that he had the most

beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large

crowd gathered and they all admired his heart

for it was perfect.

There was not a mark or a flaw in it.

Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most

beautiful heart they had ever seen.

The young man was very proud and boasted

more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of

the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not

nearly as beautiful as mine."

The crowd and the young man looked at the

old man's heart. It was beating strongly,

but full of scars, it had places where pieces

had been removed and other pieces put in, but

they didn't fit quite right and there were

several jagged edges. In fact, in some places

there were deep gouges where whole pieces

were missing.

The people stared -- how can he say his heart

is more beautiful, they thought?

The young man looked at the old man's heart

and saw its state and laughed.

"You must be joking," he said.

"Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect

and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect

looking but I would never trade with you.

You see, every scar represents a person to

whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece

of my heart and give it to them, and often

they give me a piece of their heart which fits

into the empty place in my heart, but because

the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges,

which I cherish, because they remind me of the

love we shared.

"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart

away, and the other person hasn't returned

a piece of his heart to me. These are the

empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open,

reminding me of the love I have for these people too,

and I hope someday they may return and fill the

space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running

down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man,

reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart,

and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old

man with trembling hands

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart

and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and

placed it in the wound in the young man's heart.

It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect

anymore but more beautiful than ever,

since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.

They embraced and walked away side by side.

~ The End~

Just loved this beautiful story- wanted to share it all with you today.

Found at this link:-

http://www.indianchild.com/most_beautiful_heart.htm

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1034570/The- beautiful-wedding-year-scarred-soldier-marries- sweetheart.html

“The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express.” – Sir Francis Bacon

For some people, scars are not an issue.We get them from falling over, burning ourselves on the oven, chickenpox, even acne. Some people are fond of their scars and look upon them as ‘battle wounds’, or even as a journal or life-map.

On the other hand, I know of many people that hate their scars and are always finding means to remove them. This is also one of the most frequent reasons that people consult dermatologists and plastic surgeons. I beg the question; if it is normal to acquire scars, why then, do the public and the media exploit the ‘unconventional’ means of scars and skin imperfections? What exactly IS perfection anyway? Is it internal, or, as the media expresses; attractiveness on the outside to achieve social, material and psychological happiness?

The media has transpired into an industry which needlessly exploits the public with the illusion of unwarranted medical services and cosmetic products, promoting the ‘ideal’ of a symmetrical face and body in order to boost contingent sales targets. Huge sums of money are spent by advertisers who rely on ‘attractive’ people to sell their products. When was our idea of beauty defined? Have your views of beauty in society changed over the years?

To answer some of these questions, I have asked Alex, a personal friend of mine to share her personal experiences of self-harming and the public’s perception to her scars with us at Reasons to Be Beautiful.

Could you tell us about yourself and how you acquired your scars?

“I self-harmed since the age of 12 until I was about 21, and it’s left me with scars on my legs and arms. People often stare and ask me awkward questions when I can’t be bothered to wear long-sleeved tops. With time they’ve started to fade, but I still feel nervous showing people and explaining them when asked on the spot. It’s not that I’m ashamed of how I coped with my life, it’s just awkward explaining a very personal part of my life and what I’ve been through.”

Have you ever lied to someone about how you attained the scars?

“I’ve lied and have said I burnt myself on the oven or accidentally put my arm through glass. I used to feel embarrassed because I didn’t want people to pity me or think I was ungrateful when some people have been really hurt against their will in an accident or an attack. But now I realize it was against my will too- I didn’t want to have the scars; it was just an act of a coping mechanism. Society makes a massive assumption when they know you have self-harmed.”

Do we as a society really value a person’s outer appearance over their inner beauty?

“Do the media care about perfection on the outside? Of course! How can they sell their products and ‘celeb’ stories when someone on the front-page is as normal as you or me? Nothing would sell because we would already own what they are advertising. No one would make money. I grew up wanting to be beautiful. Who doesn’t? It sounds vain but it’s just a way to be accepted. When I was younger I envisioned the media of how I perceived high school; the most beautiful are the most popular. The funny thing is, now I’m older, the ‘most beautiful’ aren’t actually unattainable at all. They are normal human beings and have flaws, and if I’m honest, aren’t as attractive as I remember. We put people on pedestals because they represent something we want.”

Has your perception of beauty changed since you acquired your scars?

“My scars represent the pain I went through in my life, and though sometimes I hardly notice them, other times I hate them. I don’t think I would ever want to forget them though. It’s a constant reminder of how much I appreciate my own life. I used to hate my body before the scars. I compared myself to the ‘beautiful’ girls in music videos and often cut myself to cope with knowing I’d never look like them. It’s funny how ironic it is that I feel more beautiful now than I ever have done. I think real beauty is about acceptance and the ability to be comfortable in your own skin. Be happy with yourself, because you never know how much ugliness is underneath all that so-called beauty in the media!”

Learning to accept your scars, ‘imperfections’ and disfigurements is an important part of recovery. They should be a reminder of the stronger person you have become. Through my years, I have discovered that the biggest hurdle in life is dealing with other people and the way in which society perceives you. Real beauty is within. I will leave you with this; do not ever feel you have to justify who you are!

Gentle hugs to you Sir Knight John- beautiful friend, sisterly love Clara

http://www.spike.com/articles/41tl4u/the-top-10-celebrities- with-deformities

http://www.brain-injury-online.com/my-heroes-have- scars.html

Big hugs, Clarita

Super gentle hugs to you Jessica, love Clarita