I have schizoid personality disorder. My emotions have always been either very good (manic) or very bad (thoughts of suicide). I knew as a very young child that I was different from everyone else. I was picked on in school which to me was devistating. I would see others getting picked on, and couldn't understand why it didn't hurt them as bad. I lived in a world that was black or white. Either something was the best way to do things or was extremely wrong. I'm now 48 years old and I have finally stopped feeling that if someone didn't think like I did, that I was a terrible person. I have been on many different medication combinations. Most had adverse reactions that I couldn't handle. My doc says that the ones I am on now are the last ones they could try. I now take Geodone, Cymbalta, Vestril, and Cogentin. I haven't had a thought of suicide in about two years. The amazing thing about that is that I also have many health problems (I haven't been shopping in several years). I still have feelings of guilt sometimes (over what I don't know). Now, most of the time when I cry, it's because I am in a lot of pain. I wanted to let others know that there is actually a light at the top of that pit they have fallen into. You have to live one day at a time. |
"I have suffered from depression most of my life, but had some long, non-depressed times. The last 16 years have been an on-going, constantly worsening nightmare for me medically, socially and with my family. 11/2008 to the present has been the worst time in my life, and new things just keep piling up. During that time I’ve gone from being mostly homebound to being totally homebound due to the errors of about 2 dozen doctors who overmedicated me so badly that I came home w/ 4 conditions I didn’t go in with. I spent months wanting to die, and finding MDJ may well have saved my life. It’s one of the worst feelings to know that nobody on earth needs you for anything; but now that I’ve been a group leader for awhile, there are people here who need me. Thanks MDJ." (Sylvia4648)
