I have schizoid personality disorder. My emotions have always been either very good (manic) or very bad (thoughts of suicide). I knew as a very young child that I was different from everyone else.
I was picked on in school which to me was devistating. I would see others getting picked on, and couldn't understand why it didn't hurt them as bad.
I lived in a world that was black or white. Either something was the best way to do things or was extremely wrong. I'm now 48 years old and I have finally stopped feeling that if someone didn't think like I did, that I was a terrible person. I have been on many different medication combinations. Most had adverse reactions that I couldn't handle. My doc says that the ones I am on now are the last ones they could try.
I now take Geodone, Cymbalta, Vestril, and Cogentin. I haven't had a thought of suicide in about two years. The amazing thing about that is that I also have many health problems (I haven't been shopping in several years). I still have feelings of guilt sometimes (over what I don't know). Now, most of the time when I cry, it's because I am in a lot of pain.
I wanted to let others know that there is actually a light at the top of that pit they have fallen into. You have to live one day at a time.
people generally overwhelm me, so I tend to opt out of situations that make me be with others then I feel awful for not joining in and like you say, if I am there seems like my mind isnt. Im here cause its good to know others understand
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.