Brush with the disabled

I’m a 45 year old woman with a husband suffering from Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Since the disorder affected him 8 years ago, he has been leading a very dejected life, unable to move on his own. Currently he walks with the help of a walker due to monthly physiotherapy. However, he’s extremely frustrated at having to lead such a miserable life, being dependent on me and others. He vents his frustration on me by being abusive and yelping. The children have to bear the brunt too. Due to his ailment, he had to prematurely retire from his job too and that leaves him brooding over losses. I’m at a loss, as I’ve no clue how to handle this. I’m in no position to leave him, as we’ve had a fulfilling life before this problem.

Your husband needs a professional psychiatrist or therapist to help him through. With some disabled, there is a denial that they are disabled and that they can push ourselves hard and get through it and be able to heal and get back to their lives before the accident. That was me. I've been in an electric scooter for several years and just discarded my temporary disabled plaquard for the car rear view mirror and finally got the handicapped license plates--I think my mind was hot wired to figure that somehow I was going to force my body to heal and wouldn't need the permanent license plates. So acceptance of our disabilities doesn't come immediately and sometimes not easily.

Then there can be anger. I didn't reach anger and I also lost my job due to my disabilities and it put me into poverty living alone with only social security disability as my income. But I have two incredible cats that helped me through the tough times and I credit those cats with being there when I have been sick, riding in my scooter basket when I went out and needed a friend, helping me out of panic, and my one cat is my partner in my pain management techniques.

But I have read of others that go into anger with family as if the family is the cause of their disabilities. After years of this some spouses leave because they can't take it any longer. I believe the angry disabled person hasn't accepted they are permanently disabled and hasn't decided they will live their daily life to the fullest with those disabilities. Instead, they are stuck in the past, replaying hurtful thoughts in their head and sometimes out loud. This is where a psychiatrist or therapist can be helpful to help them get past this so they can go forward in their future.

The disabled person may be left with chronic pain and if the doctor can't ease that chronic pain, its good to look at other potential ways of easing pain either through meditation, massage, hypnosis, medtronic device in the back, and many more things.

I don't have someone to cook or clean for me, I don't have anyone to do anything for me, so I constantly have to be creative to figure out how to do something. It has kept me busy. The cats always follow me around my place watching me do dishes or changing my bed (which is a real event to watch). I think the cats are secretly videotaping it all to sell the videotape as a comedy and make billions. I'm a female and I've made it all on my own, but your husband isn't making it and that's with you there to help.

But don't take abuse from your husband. You need to set some boundaries for him so that you stop being a whipping post, you take zero abuse, and he gets the help he needs. He should be grateful for your help, not miserable and abusive of it. I've gone through my disabilities myself and would have LOVED some help, but never to become abusive with that person.

Remember that he won't change until you stop accepting his behavior. Hugs.