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Suz
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Here's an article about toxic friends http://women.webmd.com/guide/toxic-friends Meeting in a local disabled group, I hear of many things. I have heard some disabled people say that they are tired of people who feel they should boss them around. They become negative and you know it is eventually going to end the relationship. So toxic friends is not limited to the non-disabled. A good rule of life is do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup |
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shelleyg
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Hey Suz, That was a good article. I think everyone can say that at one point in their lives they have had a toxic friend. Since I became sick, my friends have fallen by the wayside. Very sad. One friend of mine, we were friends for 10 years, and I don't hear from her at all now. |
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jessicaharris9
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I had a toxic friend I had to "break up" with; funny enough it was right after I read an article about it in Glamour magazine! It's very sad how some friends can't handle the pressure of having a "sick" friend. I've been very blessed with having lots who stayed by my side while I was sick; now that I'm in remission I don't hear from them so much lol hugs jessi 6/9/06 - biopsy positive for cancer 6/23/06 - DIAGNOSIS: stage IV (T4d N2 M1) invasive ductile carcinoma NOS with bone and liver mets; 17 cm mass (primary tumors), inflammatory breast cancer(IBC); HER2/neu+, HR- 6/26/06-12/11/06 - Chemo FEC/Taxol w/Herceptin & Aredia 12/20/06 - right modified radical mastectomy, 7 of 13 removed nodes showed evidence of prior disease 12/21/06 - No Evidence of Disease (stage IV/NED); complete remission 2/6/07-3/22/07-Radiation 28+5 boost, 6040cGy. CURRENT: Still NED, taking Herceptin and Zometa without end. Heart and kidney function remains normal. 
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Suz
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Hi Shelley and Jessi: Toxic people are a real eye opener. I met a nice disabled lady at the local disabled group and she wanted to be friends and get together for lunch so we did, but shortly after I started to see she was a toxic person. She went out of her way to down people because she had money and could have a very nice car, and fly everywhere for vacations, when others didn't have the money to do it--me included. She had no respect for me being sick and would call and I would tell her I had a lupus flare and a migraine so I can't be on the phone and she would ignore me and keep talking and I would hang up on her--she was that disrespectful of me. I told her we couldn't be friends. She wouldn't stop calling and I had to block her phone number (both her home and her cell) from my home phone to stop her (I am SOOOO happy that I can get that feature from my phone service and I've had to use it a few times). And I know that lady will never change. I could see that she has no friends and she refuses to recognize how she acts. I can't be a therapist for her. A good rule of life is do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup |
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Suz
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I also lost all but one of my friends when I became disabled. For me I realized that after coming out of the hospital, the doctors had me trying to walk with a walker. I really needed a scooter, but couldn't get one then. I really struggled and when I met a friend at her office and gave her a book she wanted to borrow, I saw the pain in her eyes and she was going to cry looking at me struggling to walk with the walker. I think for some of my friends, it was too painful to physically look at me struggling to walk and instead of caring about me and thinking of all I did for them through the years, they gave up the friendship. They could have just e-mailed and it would have helped, but no. I think it says a lot about the character of a person--that you can be there for them through thick and thin, but they can't return that. I was fortunate to have one friend stay on and she's been there through all the tough times and I'm truly blessed to have her. We e-mail all the time and with luck we'll get together for lunch this week (my Dad actually send me a gift card for her and I to have lunch--how nice). My good friend doesn't mind that I have an electric scooter and it doesn't embarass her--in fact, she is just as happy as I am that I have put my flames on the side of the scooter to jazz it up and worked to train my cats to ride in the scooter basket. A good rule of life is do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup |
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jessicaharris9
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It's amazing what sh*t heads some people can be; they just don't get it! I've always tried to smile at anyone obviously disableled; I assume they're use to the "stares" and are not thrilled with it, I figure a little smile can help brighten anyones day. I usally want to go and ask them a bunch of questions but hold back as to not make them uncomfortable. I feel very fortunate to be able to do all that I can, and even though I'm not able to work I can walk, play with the kids, get stuff done around the house I'm blessed and when I'm up to it I help others. I've always tried to help anyone who needs it; I'm always shocked when people pull away from those in need. Well, isn't there a saying "treat those how you wish to be treated"; they'll get theirs. I do have to admit; when my Mom got released from the hospital with her ulcers/colitis/kidney stones and a day later ended up with a nasty bout of gout; I did rather enjoy making her sit in the wheelchair while I took her to massage therapy and accupuncture and the cancer center (family members of patients get to use the services). She obviously wasn't feeling good because she didn't fight me on it at all. Brady (5) wanted to push her in it, I didn't think that was such a good idea. hugs jessi 6/9/06 - biopsy positive for cancer 6/23/06 - DIAGNOSIS: stage IV (T4d N2 M1) invasive ductile carcinoma NOS with bone and liver mets; 17 cm mass (primary tumors), inflammatory breast cancer(IBC); HER2/neu+, HR- 6/26/06-12/11/06 - Chemo FEC/Taxol w/Herceptin & Aredia 12/20/06 - right modified radical mastectomy, 7 of 13 removed nodes showed evidence of prior disease 12/21/06 - No Evidence of Disease (stage IV/NED); complete remission 2/6/07-3/22/07-Radiation 28+5 boost, 6040cGy. CURRENT: Still NED, taking Herceptin and Zometa without end. Heart and kidney function remains normal. |
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Suz
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Hi Jessi, I always figure that the "friends" who deserted me after I became permanently disabled and after all the times I was there for them--well, I think they are setting themselves up for a rocky road in life. If you keep jumping away from friends during their rough times, eventually you won't have any friends to help you out if you are in an accident and injured or paralyzed. I think you eventually do get hit with paybacks. I've been trying something for a while. If I see a disabled person when I'm out at the store, I usually find something that I like and can compliment them on. For instance, I may like the disabled lady's blouse, her hair or her pocketbok and I tell her that (whatever) is really beautiful and I can see it makes her feel better. And for the disabled men, I get a kick out of some of the hats or some of the Tee shirts with their sayings and I'll comment on those and it seems to make them feel better. I figure that with us disabled, I never know what type of day some have had and it could have been the worst day ever. So perhaps that nice comment I make to a fellow disabled person might be the only kind words that person gets that day. And maybe they'll go home and instead of not wanting to live any more, they didn't realize their hair was so pretty and they'll try to do it another way tomorrow. Or the guy will think that someone got a real chuckle out of his hat and we talked for a moment and both laughed so hard that it was great so today was a good day after all. Jessi, I forgot to add, that I think its great you pass a smile and that's pretty special of you. Here's a big hug. Post edited by: Suz, at: 07/08/2008 09:50 A good rule of life is do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup
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