Penile Cancer Support Group

I had a radical penectomy last May. I have a perineal urethostmy and my lymph nodes were removed in a later surgery. My wife and I have tried various methods and sexual positions. She can orgasm but I cannot. We have watched erotic movies and even tried anal penetration with me so hopefully my prostate would be stimulated enough for me to have an orgasm. Nothing. Even rubbing the stoma has had no effect. The result is I stay extremely aroused and horney and totally frustrated. I have asked my urologist to perform a bilateral orchiectomy, but he is resistant because he says it is not medically necessary. He sent me to counseling instead.

I have subsequently found a urologist who has agreed to perform an orchiectomy but now my insurance company will not play ball (no pun intended) for the same reason - not medically necessary. I feel that if I have a bilateral orchiectomy that with castrate levels of testosterone I will lose my desire and be able to live a peaceful life, still being able to satisfy my wife as I do now.

Has anybody else had this issue, and how did you overcome or cope with it. I would prefer a way to have orgasms, but if I can't, I cannot continue to live like this. Please anyone help.

Thanks.

remember, you have had alot happen with yourself, so sex drive/orgasms etc can be affected.

however.. as in woman and men when more stimulation is needed sometimes a little help..helps. There is what they call a magic bullet or silver bullet which is basically a small vibrator.. it can be used by female or males... can be used to stimulate the pubic area or even anal insertion...it is multi purpose...and small enough to use easily for both partners. One has to become experimental and adventurous at times...but can achieve a satifying sex life with them.

My husband was able to orgasm with and without one. best of luck..and enjoy http://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Silver-Bullet-Vibrator/dp/ B002E9HZXU

I have the same problems, I have also only my testicles without any stump.

Sometimes I can ejaculate when I rub my testicles for a long time, but it takes more than 45minutes after that semen dribbles out of my stoma.

Two thoughts--

I wouldn't be so quick to give up on prostate massage. There are a lot of ways to do it that aren't that pleasurable. It'll take some exploring, and probably some prostate-specific toys (e.g., 'NJoy Pure Wand') to figure out what works for you. If it's painful or just feels like you have to pee a lot, you're not doing it right. I'd suggest initially practicing without your wife so you won't be under time pressure or otherwise. A lot of guys can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. That, perhaps combined with a vibrator on what penile tissue remains, should bring you off.

Another option might be electrical stimulation. You can experiment with a cheap TENS unit. Certain positions for the electrodes can stimulate areas you wouldn't otherwise be able to reach.

Bilateral orchiectomy will have significant side effects. You may well end up requiring HRT, which will defeat the purpose (of reducing your sex drive).

Post edited by: scboy19, at: 05/30/2012 01:50 PM

I still have my stump and feel fortunate to have it. But anal stimulation still feels great too. I would not want to lose my testicles and still love being a man.

Thanks to everybody for information on this subject. Insurance has approved my bilateral orchiectomy but my wife has convinced me to hold off until the end of the year. We are scheduled to see a sex therapist so maybe that will help us. My wife is a wonderful woman and support. She says I must do what is best for me, but she wants me to do all I can to achieve orgasms before I take this final step. So I will give it through the end of the year. I really wish there was more information out there on this, but if there is I can't find it. I stumbled onto this site by accident. Doctors are really no help. They understand the clinical aspects, but fall short on the sexuality side. I am sure if I had only a partial penectomy things would be different, but with the radical penectomy there simply is nothing with which to work.

Thanks again for the comments. I hope I can get more from those who have had radical penectomies.

A good woman can do wonders for a man. You still are a man sexually with your testicles. Without them you will not be and your libido will be gone in a short time. If I did not have my stump I may feel diffrently but I do have some of my penis. I hope someone here who has had their complete penis removed can help you some. Think it over well as it is a big step that cannot be reversed.

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

Please do yourself and your wife the favor of waiting. While you may find your situation frustrating now, you may find it much, much worse after orchidectomy. Without your penis, you are still a man. Without your hormones and sex drive, you are not. There is a not very discussed side effect to orchidectomy, which is depression, the bleakest, blackest, most horrible kind of depression possible. Right now you may feel upset, lacking, or incomplete or missing - but at least you are feeling something. If the realization sets in that you feel nothing at all (which happens after castration), that can be much more disturbing and dangerous.

I can't tell you what to do, or promise any particular result, but I would ask you to consider the following path. What you are doing now with being open to prostate stimulation is good - but it is very hard to do this stimulation yourself, or even to learn how to do it. It is totally possible for a man to reach orgasm from this stimulation, even without involvement of his penis, but it takes a lot of practice and hard work.

1) Practice yoga. Learn about your "mula bandha". Begin to access this area by squeezing your butt together at first, then once you develop the capacity, engage it and actively learn to flex the muscles surrounding your prostate. Continue to stimulate this area. You may want to try toys such as the "Aneros" or "Rude Boy vibrator". It's really great you are open to this already - most men are scared of this for some reason. But the truth is prostate stimulation feels amazing and can produce even better orgasms than penile stimulation.

2) Don't watch porn. There is nothing wrong with using imagery to get aroused, but porn videos always focus on traditional penis in vagina (or other place) sex. Since that isn't happening any more, looking at sex in that way is not healthy. Find images that do turn you on without being "hardcore". Being powerfully aroused is the first step in the sexual cycle of arousal, plateau, climax, cessation. Although you may be used to it, you should not need physical stimulation to get aroused - a fantasy or erotic image can do this, or ideally, your wife dressed in a certain way or doing a certain thing that excites you very much. Your nipples can be just as powerful of an erogenous zone in this first step of becoming aroused.

3) Give up on orgasm for a while. Stop making it a goal. Try to enjoy your wife's pleasure instead. Get really good at giving her oral sex - if you want to continue to have an active sex life, it's probably going to be your primary sexual expression now. Enjoy it - as much as you can, and as often as possible. You will find that even if you don't orgasm, it can be fun and offer just as much satisfaction to enjoy her pleasure.

4) Learn to control your breath. Breathing in and out controls every biological function in your body, including sex and orgasm. Do not let breathing become subconscious, keep it active and use it to bring you to where you want. Fast, heavy breathing takes you to the external body; slow, deep breathing bring you further inside. You probably want the latter to help connect with your inner sensations and awaken those feelings inside your prostate. Learn to be patient and wait for your reward.

5) Combine all the above. If you can foster the mental discipline to become powerfully aroused, combine the physical practice of clenching your mulabhanda, you will stimulate your prostate internally. Combine this with the excitement involved in the sexual activity of something such as pleasuring your wife, or receiving prostate stimulation, proper breathing to help get you there, and patience to grow those feelings fully, it will be possible to have a very satisfying sexual experience, including orgasm. It may feel very different - I actually think it is better than regular sex.

Using these techniques, I am able to experience orgasm just by pleasuring my wife. It isn't fast, nor can I rush it - it takes about 25 minutes or so, and I really have to be in the mood - but when I do orgasm this way, it feels ten times better than any penis-in-vagina orgasm I have ever had. Even if it were possible to go back to something else, neither of us would ever wish for anything different - this has become the new norm and it is actually better for both of us. I do not orgasm every time we make love, but I can orgasm about once a week this way, and all the waiting makes it all the more worthwhile.

Best of luck to you, and do not give up hope - there is still a wonderful life ahead of you, including sexual pleasure and satisfaction, if you are open to it. I can't promise you an orgasm, but I can promise you happiness and confidence in your sexual relationship if you just keep at it. It took me over two years to learn the above techniques and practices and then integrate them to work with my body in such a way. It is a difficult road, but not impossible, and the rewards to be found at the end are many, many more than expected.

All, I am sorry that I have not been on here for a while. After a year and three months of not being able to achieve an orgasm by any means, I finally made my decision and had a bilateral orchiectomy performed. I had my scrotal skin removed as well. I am also obviously not on HRT either. I experienced hot flashes for a couple of weeks but now I am OK. My testosterone level is at 35 so that is good.

Although it is sad that I am only 32 years old and I now have no genitals, I have developed a calmness I did not have. I no longer become aroused and having sex with my wife now is a satisfying experience without the tension and frustration I was having. Evidently I sustained a lot of nerve damage when my penectomy was performed resulting in substantial numbness in my groin area and around my stoma. In fact most of my scrotum was numb as well. This was probably a root cause of me not being able to have an orgasm.

My wife and I now have a great sex life. I can pleasure her by hand and also with a strapon. The strapon is why I had my scrotal skin removed as it interfered with the strapon when I had my testicles and I was afraid that the skin might still interfere after the orchiectomy so that seemed a no brainer to me.

Anyway thank for all the advice. I will continue to read this forum and might post again if anything ever changes for me. Right now with the pent up desire and frustration gone, I am living a much better life. Maybe sometime I will develop an orgasm again, but if I don’t at least I am not sitting around fretting about it anymore.

same here

radicl penectomy

getting some satisfaction mentally in concentrating on wife but physically very frustrating. Not willing to do radical things though.