Penile Cancer Support Group

@Derrell: I know how you feel. I didnt have penis cancer but an infection that led to amputation of most of the penis. Its even more rare than cancer and the result is the same...

Contact me if you want to talk...

your correct in what you say ,its hard to talk about ,because its not the kind of thing people know about .i havent told to many .but most are like "what i didnt know you could get cancer there".and also yes its rare ,but not when you have it ,the feeling of isolation is intimidating .we have breast cancer week, prostate cancer week ,etc .you feel forgot about, even on here ,because i still have a 2 inch stump with a skin graft for a head ,i feel like an out cast because i still have "something".but ill tell you ,its no fun when the stump wont come far enough out ,and you piss down the front of your pants.or you try to play it safe and sit down .but the piss manages to find its way between the seat, and the bowl .and when you pull your pants up, they are saturated . Darrell you havent offended anyone ,atleast not me .its FUCKING tough mate .and when i finally meet ST PETER,i will be saying .GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY,IVE ALREADY PAID FOR MY SINS

I just wanted to let everyone know. That my wife Lisa has left me. This cancer proved to be just too much for our marriage to bear. Still, I am thankful that I'm alive and that so far all the cancer tests have come back normal. Lisa and I agreed this was for the best. I do appreciate all of you who have helped me through this. I'm still looking at a long road ahead, but I plan to keep trying to help anyone who may need my help. If anyone needs to talk, I'm here. Thanks.

Darrell

that is really bad news mate that must be hard to take.if it was me id be gutted,thanfully i have a wife with a low sex drive so it would not bother her if she never had sex again,we are both 59 though!!

Yeah, Lisa and I had a very active sex life and this was devastating to us. We tried some different things to get that passion back in the bedroom. I'm sure some of it was my feelings of inadequacy. But there's no doubt the absence of a penis was a contributing factor both to my mental state, and her disappointment. She felt she just wasn't being fulfilled. It may sound like I'm making her sound shallow, but she wasn't. II think it's natural for a woman to want her husband to have a penis and to be able to have "normal" sex. Without a penis, that is something I just wasn't able to provide anymore and it was just more than she could deal with. In many ways I do feel gutted and I'm very low right now. But I'm trying to remain positive. I still can't believe my penis is gone. This was something I thought I would get used to by now. But, I still keep thinking it's there, only to be reminded the awful truth, that my penis has been removed permenately. Perhaps some time alone in reflection and acceptance is what I need most.

Thanks for your response.

Darrell

i cannot believe a penis is more important to her than you,surely things you can do together is better than nothing?i was very pleased with my penis now with erection i may have 4'' which is a dissaster to me but it still could do a job i guess ,this is something i will learn but losing it all must be devasting

It was a difficult break up, and I don't think it was all about my lack of a penis. But that was one more thing added on to many others. Once she knew that I was physically okay (that meaning no cancer cropping back up) she felt she needed to move on. As some of the women on here have reminded all of us, this is something that effects both. Yes, the man has lost a very personal part of himself, but the woman also loses the intimacy she is used to. I guess it's a learning thing for both parties. It just seems that we weren't able to pass the test. There's no doubt that mentally this has hurt me, but then again, I'm not sure any divorce is a happy moment. I'm feeling quite down and I have to admit, I don't feel much of a man anymore. I'm not trying to sound like poor me. I'm just saying what I feel. I know I need to suck it up and get with the program, but this is difficult to go through alone. I appreciate your comments. Thanks to all of you who have been so kind to me through this nightmare.

Post edited by: Darrell123, at: 03/08/2012 09:29 PM

good luck to you, by god we all need it?

Darrell, this must be very hard on you having to cope with this separation at a moment when you must feel very vulnerable. I am so sorry it did not work out. Having to cope with this and also the surgery and the changes to your body is huge and devastating. If you want to talk or just do smalltalk please give a sign.

John

wow darrell, i am totally taken a back of your news. probably because i am a "lifer" in any relationship to the core, and seeing your wife in here before felt she was with you all the way. My heart goes out to you. It is hard enough alone dealing with the cancer, as well as the physical and emotional changes within yourself.... but this? wow. Surely there must have been some underlying reason that had just brought this to the surface for her... for IMO true love just doesnt work that way. I guess when the chips are down one truly sees things as they are.... so sorry for your heartache. I know it must be very hard not to take it personal... i understand that perhaps the circumstances may have triggered things with her... but she definitely had more issues and relationship depth problems than just the cancer/penectomy alone. The penis or the act of sex alone does not make a marriage..... love is multifaceted...n apparently it was missing with her.

I realize this cancer has many many blows...life has many... but hold on darrell. Life can hit us with many blows one on top of the other... sometimes we wonder how in hell we will get through it.... but we can. The last 2 1/2 years has been a struggle for myself... many dark hills n valleys to climb through... as i am sure you know part of my story with my husband's. but even through it all i struggled with my own health issues...though more concentrated on the hubby's. i was 600 pounds + when my husband was diagnosed.... in watching him struggle for his health i knew i needed to work on mine. twas hard after he was gone but i fought those demons alone...loss of a love, self image issues..unworthiness..loneliness... it was really hard.... but i now have 385 pounds off.... yeah im still lonely at times...but i have my health... n living does go on even with the scars n heartache from the past. happiness it different now but i am happy. life is life n it does go on. it will for you too...n who knows what is in store for you... never lose hope... there are reasons for everything... we may not see them but there is.

Find something to focus on Darrell to help get you through this....you can do it... you havent beaten this cancer to give up now...

((((huggs)))))

mel