Parents of Bipolar Children Support Group

I am a mother who is dealing with an adult daughter of 20 with bipolar and who is also mildly impaired intellectualy. She was born in oahu, hawaii on a military base. We endured a hard long labor which resulted in a lack of oxygen. Although she was right on schedule for all her milestones, we noticed around pre-school age that she was a little behind on her learning. My ex-husband got out of the military so that we could come home and raise our daughter around our families. Kaitlyn grew and flourished, she was in some special ed classes but mostly main streamed and did quite well until she went into high school her senior year. I begin noticing Kaitlyn being with drawn and not being as social. We live in a rural area and the high school just threw her into mainstreamed classes. This took a toll on our daughter. She had an IEP and we finally got it settled and she was put in some special ed classes. By this time I began seeing more disturbing actions with Kate. She stopped wanting to go to social outings, the stores etc. I kept telling people something was night right. We would go out and she said "those People are looking at me" or those people are coughing at me...I remember the last night I looked in my daughters eyes and seen her...after that night she started reinventing herself..she went from this beautiful blonde haired girl to something dark...she starting following the emo's online, self cuting...we had to lock knives and such up. We took her to countless therapist which gaves the diagnosis of bipolar. She would have fits of rage, going off hitting me, cussing me then crying and hugging me saying she doesn't know why she is doing this. My then husband of 20 yrs worked nights I was home a lone with my daughter and my son. I was dealing with all alone. I was scared to sleep for fear at what she would do. She would constantly pull out all her clothes and rearrange them, changing outfits up to 10-20 times per day, even so at school. She was being picked on horribly at school. We finally got her on some medication a mood-stabilizer and anti depressant. Which seems to help somewhat. She finally just graduated high school at the age of 20. She seems to be sliding back down hill again. I know this happens a lot when she is out of her routine or a life change. She is now saying she hates me and she wants to live with my parents. Its like she is 12 trapped in a 20 yrs old body. It's a constant struggle in her bewteen woman and child. I feel so all alone we live in a very rural community with not much to offer for parents or children with bipolar. She wants a normal life with like everyone else has and on many days she appears to be normal and functions well and on others it's as if she is 2...I just need someone to listen and maybe who can offer advice. Thanks so much

You are not alone, even though most days it feel as you are.

Glad you found this group somehow I missed this post but welcom.

I have to keep all meds,knifes etc...locked up too and its a pain when im trying to cook

then theirs things she will id never imagine and cant hide like rocks in driveway etc...

I live in boonies too luckily or shed be in jail forever as when shes manic in town they dont care nor listen and she got charged with disorderly conduct recently when someone seen her walking because Id missed the call she doesnt remember it now the stress of this has made a bad situation worse.

Lisa

You are not alone! So many here can understand so well. Please, feel free to chat, vent, "cry"...we're here. (I know it's hard to cry online... )

ANY kid who graduates has a hard time with the life changes. I think it is sooooo awesome that she stuck with it and graduated!! I know it was so very hard, but she did it, and that's a major accomplishment!

I understand about her wanting to stay with her grandparents. My girls would rather be there than here. Because they see it as an escape from their problems. But...my parents don't make them take their meds and if they stay for any length of time, I'll usually end up getting a phone call about how something is bad wrong. I love my parents, but them not pushing the meds...astounds me! Because they know what happens and they just don't do it.

I think if the consideration is given that she live with your parents, she has to do it with rules. You don't want her to be able to do whatever she wants. If your parents are not up to it...to staying up nights and locking up knives and so forth, then they need to tell her no. Don't let her get a foot in the door, so to speak, without at the very least, a trial run. I say this, in actuality, more for your parents' sake. Someone who sits every night with a bipolar "child" and struggles and sees the changes taking place that they can't stop, and they have to be harsh at times and other times so very vigilant and then loving and doting and forgiving...YOU know what is required to handle her on a day-to-day basis. THEY, even if you've told them every detail, DO NOT UNDERSTAND. You don't understand it if you've never been through it.

My mother didn't think I was handling my youngest of 13 years right, so the very last week of school, she had tons of stuff she had to make up for school in order to pass. Well, my mother got pretty stern. We talked about it and she claimed she knew what she was getting into. Well, two days later, I get a call from my mother (I'd just been talking to my daughter) and she starts talking about all this stuff my daughter is doing that she's having to handle and it makes her feel like an awful grandmother, but there's no way my daughter can get away with not doing the work or lying or whatever.

She'd been so harsh with me sometimes, that I couldn't stop myself from saying, Now you see what I deal with every day. At the end of the week, when school let out for the summer, my mother never offered to keep her again when she had a lot of school work to make up.

LOL...it's funny to think about.

BUT...I ramble...sorry!

I would so suggest talking this out before you decide one way or another with your parents and making certain they understand what they are getting into, or if they can't, then they need to tell her no in no uncertain terms, and explain why. Sometimes that helps my daughter.

Hope some of this might help a little.

Hugz,

Zin