Parents of Bipolar Children Support Group

I also apologize for the mini-book I'm about to write. But at least I'm warning you in advance. I don't have one or two problems therefore a quick question & if I did I'd post it elsewhere other then intros. This is intros/about/our story. Our story's perhaps made even longer by the fact that it's almost entirely negative & ugly.

The best place to start is in the beginning. In the beginning my mom had 4 kids by 3 men. The first 2 were total dead beats. The 3rd was physically abusive & neglectful 'til the divorce then he became a total dead beat. Then mom's last husband, step-dad to all 4 kids, was verbally/mentally abusive. He ran we younger 2 out of our own house before we could graduate & grow up. Mom made up excuses for, defended & stuck with psychos way too long. And she worked whether she was married or not so she dumped the older 2 on strangers & we younger 2 on them. 4 kids didn't really have "parents".

As far as sibs I have 3 brothers. The oldest 1/2 brother was/probably still is an alcoholic. The drunker he gets the meaner & more threatening he becomes. Yet he's my fav. The next oldest 1/2 brother blamed/hated/bashed us because our dad abused step-kids even worse then his own & our mom dumped the lot of us. He called us names like stupid, lazy, worthless trash. And if he could do it in front of friends - his or ours - that was even better. And he's grown up to be verbally/mentally abusive to women & kids - especially step-kids. The youngest brother is at least slightly mentally retarded & absolutely mentally ill just like our dad was.

As far as extended family on dad's side most of his relatives, including his dad, were as bad if not worse then he was. A cousin said they'd be afraid to dive into genealogy - afraid to find out we're related to horse thieves. Horse thieves are nothing compared to some of the relatives & in-laws we've got over here. We've got abuse of every single kind - to women, children, disabled, elderly & animals. Then we have some who didn't have any kids to abuse who deny it all. They deny, defend the abusers & refuse to speak to the victims.

On mom's side she was the oldest of 9 kids - 2 of which weren't born yet when she got prego. In fact my granny & mom were prego at the same time twice. The first time granny lost her son & months later my oldest 1/2 bro was born & survived. The second time granny had her daughter & a little over a month later my mom had her 2nd son.

By the time these aunts & uncles were old enough to say/do anything they didn't want to. They gathered in wee groups & talked about the others - especially in-laws - behind the back. At best they might disown - not at all concerned with the fact that when you disown an adult you're basically disowning their kids as well. They refuse to get to know you - & of any abuse you may be suffering. They refuse to be a village. They refuse to report. And when confronted by adult nieces & nephews about abuse they deny any knowledge & blame the generation before.

The fact that no one suffered any consequences. The fact that the next generation is just as bad if not worse then the last. We've had public schools & so many years of education required by law yet too many of my relatives can't even spell much less write. It's made me embarrassed of my name, state & country.

Basically my entire family is mentally ill one way or another. And they're far from alone. How did it get this way? Organized religion. Within most any bible there's an excuse to hate & abuse & there's also automatic forgiveness/entrance into heaven IF you apologize on Sunday &/or if you believe Jesus was the son of God & died for your sins.

I'm not talking about believing in another side & that there might be someone/something in charge. We who've lost people have to believe this or that we're recycled somehow or that we simply sleep forever or we'd go bat poo crazy.

I'm talking about bibles & the organized religions that come from them. Not a single bible dropped out of the sky completely finished. If one had that's the one we'd all believe in. Every last one came from some man's dream or vision. Few if any were written down immediately upon waking. Most were stories & told for generations before we learned to write & wrote them down. Then some were translated & edited. So why are we still passing any off as the word of any god?

History tells us that kings tweaked with passages within bibles to suit their own needs. I know of at least one who managed to get a divorce & remarry way back in the day. When he couldn't manage to get a divorce his wives lost their heads. But I'm certain he believed he was still going to heaven because he either apologized on Sunday &/or believed Jesus was the son of God & died for his sins. If rich highly educated kings can tweak with passages & murder someone they supposedly loved guilt free what do you suppose poor barely educated nobodies can do with it?

There are plenty of other common sense moral of the story type stories we could be telling our kids that don't have all the BS on the side. The boy who cried wolf is a perfect example. Don't lie because if you do not even your own family will believe a word you say when the crap actually does hit the fan. Once you earn the title liar it's harder then heck to get rid of it & few will hang with you 'til you do change & get rid of it.

To know better yet still insist on believing a bible is the word of any god is to be both mentally ill & also abusive &/or neglectful to your fellow human beings. Even if you don't try to preach/teach & carry on the brain-washing you're still neglecting your fellow human beings every time you sit on your butt praying for miracles rather then physically helping someone.

This mental illness/abuse is everywhere. There's at least one church in most every town/city in America. It's in the Gov't. It's in the work place. It's in the schools. It's in the medical health field. Stopping the cycles of abuse is a blank statement because it's everywhere & there's still no help to stop it.

I decided when I was a kid that I'd be single & alone before putting up with years of disrespect or expecting my future kid(s) to put up with it. And except for one almost 3 year marriage - I have been for the most part single & alone. Yet becoming an adult w/ a child of my own didn't end abuse. It continued & it expanded out.

When I was about 19 I met a man just like the man who married dear ole mom. He's a Catholic who honestly believes upon marriage women must obey. I honestly believed nobody could be that stupid anymore. He spent our entire time together showing me he's beyond that stupid. We both worked & paid 1/2 of everything yet he dumped the housework, his dog & on the weekends his son on me. Like my "dad" he believes men only have to work at work when they're getting paid for it. Otherwise I had no rights under my own roof. After mere months of this I dumped him.

I went back home to finish my education. Mom thought just because she took a couple of classes then worked for attorneys as a legal secretary most of her adult life I should be able to do the same. I didn't want to be a secretary. I wanted to own the place or otherwise be in charge. So I needed a degree. Mom promised she'd make her psycho keep his mouth shut but my very first night back - 20 years old - he started laying down the law. I would've taken off again but within no time I realized I was prego.

My ex tried to insist we marry but I refused. He tried to insist I have an abortion but I refused. So he offered $200/mo child support. Rather then help me find an attorney or even learn about the CSEA my family told me to take it as it's more then most do. Then they treated my ex like he was some kind of saint. But he didn't pay because he wanted to. He paid to keep me from going to someone. He's worked in adult bars most of his adulthood - earned cash & didn't report it & pay taxes. He would've been busted for tax evasion & also forced to pay more else go to prison over child support too.

I couldn't be left alone to go to college. Even though I was prego I was expected to work too. But I had people both fire me & also refuse to hire me because I was prego therefore an insurance risk. I've heard Tyra Banks say people can't deny you a job or fire you because you're prego. Maybe in the pro/tech world this is true but in the dead end job world they can & they do.

My options were no pre-natal care & a freebie hospital or Medicaid & pre-natal care. To get Medicaid you have to go to DHS. DHS is the place we've created to help poor &/or abused people yet between the hurdles & them dropping the ball in reality they're a joke. There's memorial video after memorial video of murdered kids on youtube to prove it. We're leaving kids to rot...you think we're doing much more for disabled or elderly people?

They should have trained social workers to tell us not only what help they offer but what agencies & orgs exist, what help they offer & what they require to get said help. But they didn't even tell me the CSEA, CPS & APS are all a part of DHS. Same building - different floor. And if you want their help you have to go to their office & fill out yet another application to get it.

I didn't know the CSEA existed 'til it was almost too late to use them. I didn't learn about MAP 'til it was too late to use it. I didn't learn about public housing 'til my only child was 3ish. So around 3 years of my step-dad & older 1/2 brother bashing me right in front of her teaching her to do the same.

So let's talk about DHS. $200/mo child support is more then I would've got in AFDC/TANF so I didn't get AFDC/TANF. They expected 2 people to live on less then $200/mo. All we got was food stamps, Medicaid & for a very short while daycare assts. As far as food stamps have you seen Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution? America's public school system is feeding our kids frozen or canned junk. And when confronted w/ this fact they blamed the Gov't for not giving them enough money to buy high quality meats & fresh veggies & fruits. If our Gov't could care less about our school children do you think they care about single parent families & their kids?

As far as daycare assts...DHS funded daycares remind me of public housing dumps. The few times we used them I went to pick up my kid to find her filthy & missing something like a sock or shoe. So we didn't use them. When I worked the entire child support check went to babysitters.

That leaves us w/ Medicaid. When you're on Medicaid you can only go to doctors who accept it. And it has to be a general practitioner. They have to refer you to a specialist. And that specialist also has to accept Medicaid. The only OB-GYN I could find to accept it was both a newbie to this country who could barely speak English & also religious. And here I was intentionally having an illegitimate child.

For 9 mo's he treated me like I'm something the cat dragged in. And he refused to give me pain meds claiming having babies don't hurt...women just think it hurts so they start flipping out when they go into labor. During labor & delivery he came in & treated me & my unborn child like we're pieces of meat. He screamed at me. I almost lost my child cuz the cord was wrapping around her neck. And I believe I have at least one health problem because of the way he did me.

Indeed...I've since been asked if I've ever been violently raped. I've been raped a few times but never violently. Because of his treatment I not only didn't go back for my 6 week check-up...I didn't see another OB-GYN 'til my kid was 3 or so. And I only went then (or now) because of female problems.

So my only child was born. 2 weeks later she got sick & basically stayed that way for the next 10 years. Her pediatrician was my OB-GYN's wife. She misdiagnosed my kid w/ asthma & left her to rot. 10 years of albuterol in all it's forms, antibiotics, prescribed & over the counter sinus & allergy meds & cough syrup plus steroids that did nothing for her but make her chunky & ruin her self-esteem. So she's been cutting on herself as long as she's known some people do that.

People say "why would pros who took an oath to help others do this?". For 10 years of doctors appts, ER trips & one overnight hospital stay. Test after test after test plus all these meds. All she needed was a surgery but they left her to rot so they could earn a living. When she was 10 I had insurance & could do whatever I wanted so I took her to an ear/nose/throat specialist & had him yank her tonsils & adenoids - she hasn't had the same problems since.

No way to report them to Medicaid/Medicare for their greed/corruption. I mean you can but they won't do squat as I've since tried & yeah...they didn't do squat. People say I should've got an atty & sued. Atty's don't work for free...& Legal Aid don't have the funds to help you sue people. We need to change some laws. There's a 2 year statute of limitations on how long we've got to sue people. There should be less then that on how long they've got to treat humans like guinea pigs.

When my only child was 2 mo's old I got in a wreck on my way to pick her up from the babysitters. It totaled my car & my back. I've had scoliosis all along but didn't know what it meant 'til this wreck. It means chronic neck/back pain. I felt like I was being stabbed in the back constantly. Even w/ a 2 mo's old baby I was still praying for death.

The wreck was someone else's fault yet I couldn't go to a specialist. I still had to use Medicaid. I couldn't find a general practitioner so I couldn't be forwarded on. I tried the ER who took x-rays but they couldn't tell me nothing or refer me on. I took those x-rays to a specialist & paid out of my own pocket but he couldn't tell me nothing. The only one who'd see me was a chiropractor but only if I hired her atty friend. But she didn't help me & her atty friend could refer me to someone who could. All I could do was settle, pay people off & I've been left to rot since. I tried to get disability but was denied & didn't know enough to get an atty & appeal 'til hell froze over.

My kid would get a runny nose, start coughing & then projectile vomit around the house like the kid in The Exorcist. Then there's me w/ my totaled car in the drive-way walking around like the hunch back. In other words - very obvious health problems. Yet our health problems were my excuses to get out of working so I can sit at home on my butt all day. I either dumped my kid on strangers & worked like my mom did...which went so well for us...or I was bashed the entire time I was unemployed.

Sitting at home on my butt all day. Obviously even after all the movements we still can't see what the men in my family call "woman's work" - cleaning, cooking, doing dishes, gardening, shopping, making/mending/cleaning/ironing clothes, doctoring/nursing, teaching, hauling & otherwise raising kids - as actual work. There's a job title, description & pay rate for most everything women did/do at home for free but because it's at home for free it's not work. Raising the next generation is the most important job there is.

Around 8 years ago I heard there was reports that 7 out of 10 women were "depressed". And sites like this one goes to show too many kids have disorders/behavioral problems. Expecting women to be superhuman & dumping kids on strangers 'til they're old enough to fend for themselves isn't good for women or children. Yet now even DHS expects it. It's called TANF - TEMPORARY assistance to needy families. They expect women to dump their kids & work for next to nothing. My ancestors came here first of all for religious freedom but also for land & a home. Even when I've worked all I could afford was a 2 bedroom apartment & cheap particle board furniture - some of which fell apart after only one move.

Indeed let's talk about the CSEA. They help you get child support if they can. In my cousin's case they couldn't because her ex took off to Cali where his family hid him out. He didn't pay & he didn't go to prison where he belongs for both beating her & refusing to pay child support. And now my cousin's dead - probable suicide. Her son, another behavioral problem, found her body.

What about real health insurance, contacts, braces, help with a car, help with college & most importantly of all physical help??? The CSEA don't help with any of this. It would require an attorney & a judge. And even with an attorney & a judge they can't order someone to care enough to physically help.

To have a child then not care whether it lives or dies like most of the men in my family plus my kid's dad...that's the worst abuse of all. It's absolute mental illness. Yet we still don't do squat about it. How many serial killers do we need before we finally wake up & smell the coffee?

As I said previously...my only child's been a walking behavioral problem since she could walk. If I told her to do something she refused. If I told her not to do something she went right for it. If I got on to her she ran to her grandparents & snitched on me so they'd get on to me - completely undermining my authority.

When we were all up & she should've been off playing she refused. Insisted on being in the same room as the adults. When it was just we 2 nothing changed. When friends w/ kids came over she refused to go play with them...insisted on hanging with the adults. I couldn't even make a phone call without her up my butt. Then I'd find her up at 2-3 a.m. not only playing but talking to herself.

And heaven forbid I should have a man. She walked in on me trying to have a good time at least a couple of times. You can bet she got her but chewed after the first time yet there was still at least a second time. When I say walked in I mean the door was shut & she not only opened it - she threw it open & walked in like she owned the place.

Babysitters quit. I thought it was because of her health problem but found out nope - it's because she's a spoiled brat. She wanted to be at home & she wanted me there with her. The fact that my family bashed me the entire time I was unemployed mattered not to her.

She had problems in kindergarten. By the first grade her teacher was screaming ADD/ADHD. I know she don't have a learning disorder because she was on the honor roll in the 3rd or 4th grade yet never took their pills. I took her to the family doc but she said no. That wasn't good enough for the school. I took her to either a psychologist or psychiatrist & he said no. Still wasn't good enough for the school. At the end of the year I learned they had a test they could've given her so I said give it to her but it was inconclusive. Finally she went to a psychiatric hospital who gave her another test & said yes she did have it. But since she was already a guinea pig for the quacks I refused to let her be for the shrinks too.

Everything I love she hates. I loved to ride my bike, skate, swim, etc. I loved the lake. I loved amusement parks. She refused it all. If I dragged her somewhere anyway she whined the whole time & ruined it for everybody else. So if poverty didn't keep us at home my kid did.

When she was in the 3rd grade I met & married my one & only hubby. She wanted a daddy. She told me to marry him. I think she thought a daddy would be one more person to make her center of attention & spoil her rotten. It never occurred to her we might pay attention to each other. When we did she didn't like it & did everything she could to draw the attention back to herself.

She had problems with homework every school night. They'd sit at the dinner table & argue over it 'til bedtime. This is when I quit watching TV as I couldn't hear it. Actually I lost a few hobbies. And I got to where I hated the school year.

I not only knew my way around my neighborhood...I knew my way around the whole town I grew up in. I actually wanted to learn how to cook & clean & have been doing both since grade school. I've been working & driving since I was 13. I wanted to be independent.

Here again my kid's nothing like me. She's 23 now yet couldn't find her way out of a paper bag. She couldn't clean an entire house by herself if you held a gun to her head. She won't even organize & clean up after herself. She's been legally able to work for 7 years yet she's only had 4 jobs & she got one of those here recently. And she still refuses to drive & get a DL.

I've still got scoliosis that several car wrecks now haven't helped. By the time I was married I also had ear/nose/throat/lung problems & a chronic cough. Between a stressful job; the constant fighting at home; cleaning up after my hubby, kid & 4 pets only to have somebody destroy it minutes after I thought I was done plus one family trauma after another I got more health problems. Even w/ insurance at best I might be tested & diagnosed but never cured. And even w/ diagnosis nothing changed. Nobody in my family cared/helped.

So I had a nervous breakdown. Back to the shrinks we go. They didn't take anybody in & observe/diagnose them. They didn't take the observations of others - babysitters, teachers, friends & relatives. Contrary to popular belief there are no real tests you can take that compute & spit out a list of disorders one has. Military personnel & the police take tests before they get jobs. Yet psychos still make it in. And I don't believe you can properly diagnose someone after 45 minutes of yacking - especially if they're a pathological liar.

Well after 45 minutes of yacking they decide my hubby & kid have ADD/ADHD & I'm depressed, stressed & anxious. We're all shoved on drugs which don't do squat for us except at least in my case make me even sicker. Whatever was said to my hubby & kid went in one ear & out the other...it was the same old by the time we got home. And drugging us also didn't do squat for all the abusive/neglectful/exploitative relatives in our family...except give them something else to bash me about.

I'm not depressed because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. I'm depressed because we still don't know what's abusive much less do anything about it. To this day no one who's done me wrong has ever suffered any consequences - not even a lawsuit since I can't afford an atty & they don't work for free. And not just my family. I've been wrongfully terminated. I've been wrongfully kicked out of a HUD dump. I've been sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, raped, stalked & cyber-stalked. There's help agencies/orgs that don't really help those who need it...they only help themselves to a fancy title & check. There's greedy/corrupt doctors. And there's greedy/corrupt shrinks.

You can't be a pill popper & the only responsible parent your child has at the same time. So I dumped the pills down the toilet & got a divorce. I took my kid to an ear/nose/throat guy & had him yank her tonsils & adenoids. She hasn't had the same health problems since. Then I was wrongfully terminated & lost my health insurance. And as usual I was unable to hire an atty & do squat about it.

My kid went from bad to worse. She tried to tell me I couldn't date because I didn't know how to pick them & she didn't want to see me get hurt again. If I tried to date anyway she treated him like he was something the cat dragged in - ran him off. She tried to tell me how to dress. She tried to tell me how to wear my make-up. Unless it was a family affair she refused to go out to eat because someone might stare at or talk to me. And she hates it when people say we look like sisters.

Sick or not I still worked. I also went back to school. I went to school to be a real estate appraiser. I went to school to be an electrician. And I went back to college & got another 15 credits making 30 total. In my teens when I was brainwashed to believe I was stupid I got C's & D's but in my 30's I was on the honor roll.

I also taught myself stuff at home hoping to have a home biz & buy my own health insurance. I taught myself how to use computers. I taught myself how to fix computers. I taught myself computer programs. I taught myself the net/email/IM. I taught myself how to build websites, install online software programs, create web graphics, digital photography & image editing.

I bought all new furniture & a brand new car. My kid had a lot of it trashed before I could get it paid for. I had great credit. No matter how hard I worked or how sick I got my kid didn't change a bit. Still refused to help me out in any way...still missed the bus & had to call me at work for a ride...still lost her key & had to call me at work to let her in...still did her best to chase anybody who showed interest in me off.

When she became a teen & started wearing make-up...OMG it was horrid. She'd get up at least 2 hours earlier then she had to, waking up whoever was there in the process, to get ready for school. She'd take nice long showers not at all concerned with using up all the hot water. And she'd daydream & talk to herself while working on hair & make-up. No excuse to ever miss the bus yet occasionally she would - because of the daydreaming.