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05/08/2012 07:52 AM

How do I get my daughter to go to sleep on her own

juniper718
 
Posts: 127
Member

My 15 year old daughter is overly attached to me. I'm not sure if it is due to her hallucinations or her feeling of isolation or her depression, but she is WAAAY too dependent on my, in my opinion. Co-dependent would be the better word, I think. Anyway, she never wants me to leave her room at night. She wants me to lay in her bed with her until she falls asleep. I don't think this is healthy and I've talked with her psychiatrist and psychologist about it but they say we "have bigger fish to fry" with her so for right now, let's leave it alone. I'm willing to follow their advice, but it's putting a little bit of a strain on the marriage.

I'm just wondering if anyone else is dealing/or has dealt with this and how have you/or have you been able to get your child to a point where he/she doesn't want to be with you all the time.

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05/08/2012 11:28 AM
clearthinker
clearthinker  
Posts: 998
Senior Member

Hi juniper718, I too had this problem with my bipolar daughter. It started when she was around 11 years old and went until she was around 18. I listened to my intuition and let her sleep in the same room as mine. I felt that if she was scared all night she would not get good sleep and not do well the next day. My presence comforted her.. She eventually grew out of it and now at age 30 lives in a home alone and prefers it that way. In Europe and other countries it is normal to share rooms with your children. There are many ways to find alone time with your husband. I bought a van and fixed up the attic for our get away for a few hours time, at the end everyone won, my husband had alone time with me, and she got to sleep with me in her room all night. I say life is short and if that is what gives your child comfort let it be. Also late at night sometimes is when you can get your child to talk from their heart and tell you their problems. I think it's great bonding time. Looking back I would not have done anything different.

05/09/2012 07:54 AM
juniper718
 
Posts: 127
Member

Thanks so much for your reply. I know that this will not last forever -- that when she is in her 20s, she will not be asking me to sleep with her (at least I don't think she will! LOL!) but I just want to help her be as independent as possible and I'm afraid I am somehow enabling her. I have made an appt. to start seeing a psychologist of my own to help me work through these and other issues, but advice from folks on here is just as helpful, I think.

Thanks again!


05/09/2012 12:16 PM
clearthinker
clearthinker  
Posts: 998
Senior Member

Hi Juniper718, When I visited my daughter at college she wanted me to sleep with her there. Then she got an apartment with another girl and I would spend the night from time to time, then her bipolar kicked into overdrive around age 22 and that is when I would not sleep with her anymore, she pissed me off too much. When she is sick with the flu or anything else where she feels real bad, she still wants me to sleep with her. Just last week she was real sick and asked me to spend the night with her. I told her I would, brought my pillow and was ready for the night, she then said 'It's ok mom, I think I can sleep alone. I think now she sleeps better alone at age 30.. I know when I'm feeling very sick I want my grandmother to sleep with me. Even as a 55 year old woman, when I feel horrible I wish my grandmother was here to sleep with me. I lost my grandmother at age 18 and still would love for her to lay next to me when I'm real sick. My husband is nice but does not have that motherly touch that some of us need. Smile

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers.

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