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03/17/2012 04:21 PM

threats of suicide from adult son

exedmom
 
Posts: 2
New Member

How do you handle the adult child who no longer lives at home but will call from a couple of hundred miles away to tell you he will kill himself if you don't get him home? Last year I made my son move out of my house and gave him some choices of where to live. For awhile he seemed to be doing well, in school and learning to drive, he is 25. Now I get a call telling me he is miserable and going to kill himself unless he can come home now. I know this is manipulation, but in the back of my mind is always the 'what if'.

He is not on meds, has not been since he turned 18 and decided he did not need them. I can't take him back in my home, he has put holes in my walls, broken things, and raged at everyone in the home. But how do I stay strong and not have my heart broken every time he calls for help?

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03/17/2012 06:04 PM
Marlynn
Marlynn  
Posts: 213
Member

Maybe I am way off base, but if I were faced with this situation I would call the Emergency Psychiatric Team. He would probably be furious, yet if there really is a problem maybe it would be caught. Often the Psychiatric Evaluation Team will not do much, because the person denies suicidal ideation. My very good friend was faced with a similar situation and the person who was BP was way out there homicidal and suicidal threats yet somehow she got herself to the hospital. I would take this seriously. I greatly understand not having your son in your house, yet he could be serious and perhaps it is not manipulation.

I would never let anyone live in my home who is BP without meds. I feel it is very dangerous. Both my daughter who is very stable and 47 years old and my grandson who is 19 years and now very stable have always been totally med compliant. I know this is unusual and I am grateful for this compliance. However, my husband and I have my strong boundaries about this may have helped with this compliance. My husband takes meds for a cardiac problem and I take meds for a thyroid and autoimmune problem. The four of us always double check each other regarding the medication. We approach the bipolar as an organic disease that needs to be treated like any other medical problem.

Post edited by: Marlynn, at: 03/17/2012 06:08 PM


03/17/2012 06:37 PM
angora
angora  
Posts: 68
Member

I agree with Marlynn. My adult daughter lives 3 hours away and has also on occasion made the same threat. Local mental health crisis team stepped in and of course she was furious, but it was necessary. After much hit and miss, things are so much better now. It required a major incident for her to be willing to accept the help that was there all along. Totally med compliant now, no alcohol, therapy and NO moving home. I just couldn't handle that. Do what feels right for you, but you can't deal with from a distance without help from professionals. Don't be afraid to call and at least see what help is available. Be strong. Hugs to you.

03/19/2012 07:57 AM
jjsmom
 
Posts: 443
Member

Welcome exedmom,It sounds like your telling my story about my son,who is 25.I had to make him leave my house last March because he would not take his meds.Things really got crazy and violent at home.Even though my son lives close I still can't run to him ever time things get bad for him.Yes,it is terrifing but like you said manipulation is one of my sons favorite things to try.I also agree with Marlynn if you feel the need to call his local crisis line I'd do so regaurdless if he liked it or not.Sometimes that is the only or best way to handle this kind of situation and feel like your still helping him.I think most if not all of us here have had times that we say "What If".In my own experience I can't live everyday wondering what if I just have to have faith that nothing to bad will happen.I know it's hard and my heart goes out to you.This site has been great for me you can say anything you feel and theres no judgement here.I wish you and your son the best and look foward getting to know you.*HUGS*

03/19/2012 01:47 PM
exedmom
 
Posts: 2
New Member

I spent a sleepless night worrying about him. The next day he finally sends me a text and everything is fine. For him it was af if nothing had happened. I am going to find out the number for psyhc. help where he is and that way I can at least call. It has been very helpful reading the other posts and the reponses to my post. It is nice to know that others have gone through what I am and that what I am feeling is not so unusual. I will keep coming back to this site.

03/19/2012 07:53 PM
clearthinker
clearthinker  
Posts: 998
Senior Member

I just got into town from visiting my mother and she told me that my younger brother would threaten suicide if she did not give him money. I just found this out. My brother is on drugs but not BP. My mother told me that he kept her hostage for 20 years threatening suicide to get her money. My mother did not tell anyone and always gave him all her money. My mother should have called the psych team and busted him right then and there. I was livid when I found out he had been doing this, I knew he used her but only last week did she tell me he threatened suicide. My brother knew my mother was scared to death and would do what ever he said. I too went through that with my BP daughter but handled it way different. When I made the decision to stop my daughter's abuse towards me I cut her off completely for 3 months, I ignored the suicide threats I ignored all the threats and even told her I was done. I was DONE with all the crap and it felt good. Luckily my daughter did not act on the suicide, with my daughter I believe that was the ultimate control over my life and when I decided to ignore it she decided to straighten up. It took me a long time to come to this but I had to stop the madness and I'm certain it would have continued had I not made it stop. I took a huge chance but I knew I would die had I continued playing her stupid time wasting games. There are many parents on here with BP children and I bet each and everyone of us were threatened with suicide. I would like to know how many of us went through that.
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