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01/01/2012 05:24 PM

Unwanted feeling of hatred toward one's child

Marlynn
Marlynn  
Posts: 213
Member

Recently I read a post where a member honestly stated at times she felt hatred toward her BP child. I did respond and realized how hard this was for me to admit that I had often felt the same. In fact I have had over the last several years feeling of both hatred and repulsion.

I began to think about this and finally realized that this was a step in reclaiming my own life. As ugly as it seems the feelings I had actually for a brief time disconnected me from my grandson. I luckily was able to talk to my husband, because the more I tried to fight these feelings the stronger they got. This disconnection has been extremely important in reclaiming myself and protecting my health.

This process disconnected me somehow-I began to think of me and my life. I really felt I somehow escaped this web of madness. I realized that I could emotionally pull out of it when necessary. The unexpected result was that I could feel my grandson responding on some nonverbal level. I felt some very true honesty from him and I saw a determination to take charge of his life.

I wonder if others have noticed this process at all or have gone through this. Did this give some of you the courage to pull away totally when necessary? Can anger and feelings of repulsion toward a BP child or adult actually help?

Feelings these negative thoughts and accepting that I have felt this way has freed me. I do not feel like part of the game anymore.

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01/02/2012 06:28 AM
rlt
rlt  
Posts: 921
Member

If there is anything to take away with us in these posts it would be the absolute honesty pouring out! I believe that all of us have felt, or feel the very same way. Even though I try to separate the disease from the girl, in the end it is all in the same package. We are human beings, asked to be superhuman on sooo many occasions. How many tears, frustrations,HURT, sadness, depression can a body take? How many times I was told by her that I do not love her, I favored the son,I was a horrible mother ect... How many rants to listen to about the government, how her bosses, coworkers,police,teachers,landlord ect.. were wrong and treated her unjustly. The emotional immaturity..The selfishness..The victim mentality.. the lack of respect.. the arrogance.. the entitlement... Most people cut these folks out of their lives, but because we are the family, we cannot get out that easy. Simply put, We love them. With that, we do need to protect ourselves. I remember reading an Ann Landers article written by a woman in her 80's. She wanted to put her side of parenting out there. She was tired of hearing people write about the wonderment of parenting...She told of she and her husbands love and sacrifice for her 3 girls. They were raised right and turned into selfish, disrespectful human beings. She said if she had to do it again, she would not have had children!!! Wow, what always struck me was the HONESTY. and this woman didnt have a bipolar child...........

01/02/2012 02:12 PM
jenn123
jenn123  
Posts: 1264
Senior Member

well my daughter is only 12 so i dont have the work and landlord issues w/her yet but everything else sounds (OMG) exacly like her!!!! how did you get in my home rit???? lol...

01/04/2012 05:34 PM
modanni
Posts: 1
New Member

My son has been so hard to raise from toddler on. He is now 10 he has been diagnosed with childhood bipolar. His dad is bipolar and I, his mother suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm a single mom with no support from his father is so needed. My son doesn't listen to me, argues with me everyday. He is impatient with his 3 yr old brother and I'm very worried that he will hurt him. I constantly have to intervene before it gets to that point. I need help I have asked my mom to help me with him mom, but it never happens. I feel that I'm alone and at my wits end.

01/05/2012 02:27 AM
rlt
rlt  
Posts: 921
Member

Aww hon you are definitely NOT alone. Tired, overwhelmed, scared yes, but not alone in this horrible struggle. There are folks on here who can give advice for who regarding where you can turn for extra support and services. My only suggestion would be to start with a school guidance counselor, family doctor ect... There may be groups for your son to attend, out of school activities and such to give him something positive to focus on, and you a much needed break

01/05/2012 07:04 PM
clearthinker
clearthinker  
Posts: 998
Senior Member

After I read these posts, I remember asking myself if I ever felt hate for my daughter. I was grieved beyond words, hurt to the bone and repulsed by the lies and bad living, disgusted beyond belief but I don't think I reached hate. I have deeply disliked a few people but not sure if I ever hated anyone. If someone pisses me off to the point of no return I usually x them out of my life before I can feel hate. I've had a few people in my life that were very ugly to me and I still did not hate them just wanted them the hell away from me. I tend to be too forgiving but as I've become older I can tell if someone is going to cause me too much grief and waste my time right away and I avoid such a person. I've thought about the people in my past that were really ugly to me and one woman that was real mean died with a brain tumor the other people were bipolar. Now when someone is evil mean I don't take it so personally, I figure they are really ill to be so consumed with such a ill making emotion..

01/06/2012 03:19 PM
mchumley
mchumley  
Posts: 12
New Member

I have hated the way my son treated me, the things hes said to me. I have wanted to punch him on numerous occasions but I have neverd hated him. He spends too much time doing that himself. Of coure, he is only 7. Who knows what the future will bring? I try not to think about it terrifies me. He will only get bigger, and stronger, smarter. I wish I knew the right equation to direct all that energy to positive things but I don't.
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