Parents of Bipolar Children Support Group

I had been a senior social worker for DCFS (CPS) in Ca. Where an infant involved I would call the Child Abuse hot line ASAP and then the emergency number at DCFS. I do not like being involved with the system, but when an infant is involved I would not hesitate. I do not know the circumstances, but a relative or married into the family is first choice for any placement and services for a vulnerable child. Probate Court helped me gain a legal guardianship for my grandson and it saved his life at six years old. I think you need to go to CPS as your first action and also notify the medical provider if you can. You can even notify medical professionals by fax or email if no one will talk to you due to privacy laws. The system can help in these situations. The safety of an infant is the most Paramount issue.

In Ca again to emphasize this any mother taking drugs will be extremely closely monitored or placed in a safe environment when born until the mother cleans up her act if she is using drugs at the time of birth. I used to be extremely liberal, but as a social worker saw these babies born addicted to drugs. It was the worse thing I have ever seen. They can be saved much of the time, but I have seen babies being born at a little over three lbs struggling for life.

If you report- especially since there was a prior incident this mother and the father will be closely monitored. These babies will be born drug addicted if the mother is using drugs and is very painful for them to stabilize and withdraw as little meds can be given to take away their pain.

If you happen to live in CA please contact me. As a grandmother you have much power . You must do the right but painful move for this innocent child. I am praying for you as I write. You have the power to stop this. If you make an emergency report in CA it must be kept anonymous. Please write me a private message if you need help or just more support. I know these systems well and am familiar with the systems in most other states. At the least I can find more information for you without giving any association to your personal information. I am able to find out procedural info due to my past employment.

Post edited by: Marlynn, at: 04/14/2012 11:32 AM

Thanks guys(sobbing).I live in TN.I know I've got to get CPS and or DHS involved.I'm scared of my son.Even if someone else calls he'll swear it was me.Remember he's BP and not med complaint.His violience is what I used to get him out of my house.He doesn't care about protection orders either.Hell most of you know sometimes BP adults don't care about anything.They just leap and don't care what happens next.This girl thinks she is in control of everything,which is fine for me to let her think that.She thinks she will keep my son and my grandbaby away from me.WELL SHE"S GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!!!I'm so afraid things are going to get out of hand.I really can't stand this no go for nothing, drug addict, baby killer,lazy ass, non educated,ugly,non mannered,so called girl.I've got better words to describe her,but didn't want to offend anyone.

I know I have to get away,before I do something I'll regret.

Thanks for listening

IS ANYONE LISTENING!! (HELP) I need someone,anyone to talk to me please.

I'm around today.

I think your first order of business PRIOR to the CPS idea is to disconnect with both your son and the girlfriend. First of all you need to be safe. Seeing this from afar- I can hear your fear. Is there someway you can completely disconnect from interaction as long as the situation with this girl is part of the package? You need to feel safe and secure first of all before you make any moves in my opinion. Is there a way you can get relatives or friends saying you are ill (I am sure this is true by now with the anxiety) and you can not have the contact?

You are entangled in a complex situation. I know you care for your son and do not want anything to happen to him, but as long as you are helping with the situation with his coupled with BP he is most likely unable to see the light about this girl and is going to fight you if he thinks you have turned her in to the authorities. I think you need to very safe before taking any steps. I also believe having a male help you and talk to the son might help some. I have a 19 year old grandson and had to entirely disengage prior to his meds getting straight. I have noticed BP individuals make very bad choices and can be easily bossed around by someone-not seeing their bad points until they have been stable for many years.

It is my feeling that if left alone with the girlfriend without help-that your son and girlfriend will turn on each other. If he disengages with her it would then be the best time to call the authorities in my opinion. I have much experience with a BP adult daughter and my 19 year old grandson. I have noticed that when we are out of the picture a romantic involvement falls apart. Picking up any of the pieces or making any comments about it is likely to can keep it going. Is there anyway you can find a board and room situation for your son and at least offer a refuge even if he does not take it-a place that will only take him not the girlfriend. I do not know if your son is on medicaid, but we have done this with my daughter in the past and it was paid for as she has SSI. . A half way house might be another solution. Just offering alternatives that do not include the girl friend is what I am thinking. He probably will not take advantage of any alternative until the situation with the girlfriend falls apart. I am fairly certain it will fall apart. In all my years as a social worker the only time it does not fall apart is when there is a person that can be manipulated and bullied to keep the situation alive by providing money- housing- food, etc that includes both parties. Hang in there -keep safe-keeping writing as things change. We have all been through so much others may have an idea that fits. I check my computer frequently during the day.

Marlynn..those are truly words of wisdom!

If he's so violent that he would come after you no matter what, then I would back off. Don't talk to them, and don't see them unless things change for the better. Let them live their lives and you live yours. May sound selfish, but it's the safer decision for you IMO.

I have to agree with Temple. Again what ever it takes I would definitely not have contact or them in my house. Is there a way you can have others back you up-a priest, minister, neighbor anyone? Do not deal with them alone-this does not sound safe at all. It sounds like you are being bullied. I am worried abut the situation if you do not detach yourself from this situation. In thinking about the pregnancy she will get caught at some point I am certain even if you do not intervene.

Thank you all so much.Just hearing others opinion really helps.I really like the idea of taking myself out of the situation completely.It will be hard because of the baby,but I guess it's like alot of other things,sometimes you just have to remove yourself no matter what.I have booked a flight to NC to visit my daughter.She is a great support system too.Just like all of you!!

jjsmom...I have been trying to put myself in your shoes. This is soooo hard for you right now. My advice is to get to your daughters in NC and stay there for a while. Try to regroup and get yourself in a "good" place metnally (as much as you can) and give yourself some time to think. I know getting away from the situation will allow you to think more clearly, plus this is not something you can make a quick decision on. All the advice about CPS and DHS (?) all seems to be really excellent ideas. Safety first though.

Right now...go to your daughter's, talk to her, give yourself time and think about what to do. That's what I would do first and foremost. Between us, you and your daughter, we should be able to throw intelligent ideas of what to do next.

Most importantly...keep coming back to the forum and keep us posted!