Parents of Bipolar Children Support Group

I feel like she is destroying me little by little every day...she just got out of a inpatient clinic and they put he on depakote 750mg's and melatonin at night....but the rages, the anger, the meltdowns, and unkept promises are making me feel like I should be admitted somewhere. Single mother and feel like a failure.

I am new the this website and I am looking for help.

she has had problems with substance abuse and anxiety....but the meaness she displays towards me (and only me) is ridiculous. Everyone says she is nice, polite, blah blah blah and yet with me she is hateful, spiteful, disrespectful.....why with the person that is TRYING to help her the most?

Post edited by: ledbeap, at: 06/13/2011 11:00 AM

Hello and welcome! I completely understand where your at. I wished I could count the times I felt useless,guilty,ashamed,etc.,etc.,and wondered where I went wrong. This illness that our children share can take over if we allow it. My first suggestion would be what I finally did and got myself some help. I went to therapy and got me a pdoc. Then I read as much as I could find to help me understand the illness more. I still don't understand it completely. This illness can be so tricky and show itself in so many ways, but you'll find a enormous amount of support here. It's a great place to vent and ask questions. Alot of parents here can share your experiences with you, because we are all in this together.

I wanted to also say my son was the same way toward me. he was always so mean,hateful and disrespectful. He would be polite and nice to others. I was the one feeding him, keeping a roof over his head and who loved him unconditionly not those other people.They say the bp child will react worse toward the one they feel closest to.I guess my son must feel extremely close to me.lol He also has a drug abuse issue. So you are not alone out there and like I said we are in this together.Keep posting and I look foward to getting to know you and your daughter more.

Thank you for your post. It helps talking to others that understand. Caroline has had issues with substance abuse as well...matter of fact, before I put her in a behavorial center, I had her her in a detox facility for a weekend...

I am really trying to keep my head above water but I feel like I am treading water. I am not sure how much more I can take.

I love my child and would do anything to help/protect her but I am slowly feeling like I am unable to help her and possibly doing more damage.

Maybe I should see a therapist myself before I check myself into the behavioral center for depression. LOL

I would really get yourself a therapist.It has helped me alot.We can't deal with our childrens issues until we deal with ours.Ofcoarse we wouldn't have as many issues if we didn't have to deal with our bp child.I wished I had some magic words of wisdom to make it all better.This bp stuff with my son has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and can get the best of you at times.If nothing else try to get some alone time and keep venting here.Getting things off your chest and telling strangers can help.It's helped me.Someone always has a life perserve when you feel like your drowning.I've been saved many times.

I think I welcomed you in another thread. I just want to add that on top of what jjsmom is telling you about taking care of yourself, learning all you can about this illness helps you to feel a little bit stronger. It helps you to feel more in control of an uncontrollable course. I say that because it IS all within the control of an "adult" BP "child". But if you have knowledge that you can pass along to them in bits and pieces at the appropriate time, it helps you to feel like you still have the chance of guiding them in the right direction to learn to take care of themself.

Is your daughter living at home with you? If so, you may have more power than you think.

I just want to say hello and welcome. It's funny how things are so similar with our kids. My son's new pdoc told me (on our secind visit) that with the information I gave the receptionist about my son, he expected my son to be...well...I don't know how he put it...but something like a punk. The pdoc said that my son was respectful and had manners!

Seriously? Wow! It's really nice to hear but SO hard to believe! I can honestly say that he is just the opposite with me. If looks could kill...I wouldn't be here writing this.

Dear Ledbeap:

I have a 27 year old bipolar daughter who abused medication(benzodiazepine) and alcohol and was not taking the medication that she should have been taking (lithium) and had a crisis a few months ago. Suicidal, not eating, just drinking and taking pills. Friends she was living with called me and asked me to come and get her.

I was so angry and scared. I was not taking the pb diagnosis seriously at that point and viewed it as her refusal to be responsible. And she was terribly nasty to me...I finally got her to the hospital. I started researching frantically, calling drug and alcohol treatment centers trying to find a place for her that would take my insurance (which I no longer have)...trying to find help for her addictions.

I also got lots of reading material on bipolar and started to consider that maybe what the hospital said and she said were true, that she was "medicating" herself. I really didn't believe it...figured what is the difference between abusing alcohol and drugs to get high and drinking/drugging to self medicate? Either way it becomes an addiction, right?

After three nights in the hospital followed by living on friends couches and out of her car again, she finally agreed to stay with me.

My only condition was no drinking/drugs and home every night. She did follow the rules -- she was exhausted and had no where to go.

A few weeks later she had a full time job and has since moved out.

My question and reason for this message is about the inpatient treatment center you mentioned. I think there is a good chance of another crisis for my daughter in the future and I would like to know how best to handle it.

Do you think that the treatment center your daughter went to was good for her or not?

My daughter is convinced that an alcohol/drug treatment center will not help her as she is bipolar. My thought is that it WILL help her. but only if she wants the help.

I guess some places are better than others, and if you don't have a lot of money you have more limited options..

Also, I did see when she stayed with me without drugs and alcohol that her bipolar issues were HUGE, and I wonder if maybe she is right and that a drug treatment rehab program would not be good for her.

It would be nice if I could afford to send her to a place that addresses bipolar issues AS WELL AS self medication and alcohol/drug abuse...they call it "dual diagnosis" -- but that is even more expensive than drug rehab. If you are without funds, you end up in a very unpleasant mental hospital -- I visited a friend at one once. But then again, if you are in crisis, any safe place is better than nothing.

What are your thoughts on this, everyone?

Is a drug rehab center the place for a bipolar young woman who is abusing alcohol and other meds?

What WOULD your ecommend?

Thanks,

Transcending

My daughter has bipolar-I and has been hospitalized eight times. However, she has been stable for eight years with no hospitalizations and entirely med compliant. I do have some thoughts about your situation based on my experience with my daughter. She used alcohol to self medicate and when I say alcohol I mean to almost a lethal amount. At one point capillaries in her face broke and there was blood over her face. This drinking was done in secret at home. Of course it finally came to the attention of neighbors and family members and I shudder to think of the risk to my grandson who was then a toddler. She eventually had been in three several facilities for substance abuse due to the alcohol and I took a probate legal guardianship of my grandson.

The facilities did not work out. What worked was treatment for the bipolar which meant getting her meds straight. This in itself was quite difficult. However, it worked. She was in a great deal of pain without the right meds.. It took several years for her to stabilize and numerous trials with the meds. She has now passed her ten year mark without alcohol or any other substances other than her prescribed meds.

Here is my view and my stance. I would never, never live with a bipolar individual who was not taking meds. I also would never allow drinking or drug taking while the person was in my home. I do admit I had a leverage. The leverage was my grandson. I offered my home to her and my support if she abided by the rules. Eventually she received SSI and is now finishing college-a goal she left many years ago. I truly believe it is dangerous to live with an adult bipolar diagnosed person who is not taking meds. I have heard of many tragedies happening.

I realize you are asking for advice. My thought would be to do what ever I could to take away the stigma of a mental illness, but also to preserve strong boundaries to preserve your own safety. I also have seen some videos posted on the site that seem helpful. Most important I would let her know that you love and care about her.

Just know that you are NOT a failure, and that being the sole parental support for an adult child with bipolar disorder is HARD. I've seen therapists in the past who have been truly helpful, and take two different kinds of anti-depressants. It takes strength to keep trying to help someone who is not able to deal with their situation yet, especially when other people do not have a clue what you are dealing with! *hug*