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05/08/2012 11:34 AM

Bipolar Adult Children(page 10)

Hope2Believe
Hope2Believe  
Posts: 12
Member

Thank you, thank you, thank you ! All of you! Before I got on this site my daughter had me convinced that I was the ONLY crazy one and she was completely sane! For so many years of hearing it from her, you tend to begin to believe it!!! I have been in a deep depression over this for so many years because of her verbal abuse to me. I feel less of a person and she says I am not worthy of calling myself a "Mother". I do not know how to get out of this depression! My son is now showing signs of depression and I can't get him to seek help. I am so worried about him. My physical body is deteriorating, I can not eat or leave my home due to my depression, I haven't the will to live anymore. I called to make an appt to seek help for myself and they gave me an appt for June 5th!
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05/08/2012 05:04 PM
liveandlove
Posts: 21
Member

I am so glad you found this site! I have (and still am) been in these shoes for many years, my daughter is 19 now, but it all started since she was little. It seemed no one listened to my questions for her behaviors. I knew something was wrong but her doctors said it was, "colic" and then "strong personality" and then "normal teenage rebellion". But I knew it was more than that. I went to medical school to be a physician assistant to try and figure it out! And now I know she's bipolar. It's been a struggle to get anyone in the family to help in this. Her biological father is in denial, my own mother is in denial, and my ex-in laws don't have any idea. She just doesn't show up to any of their family gatherings, so they don't see her personality. She tried college for a year, which didn't go well. She's not going back. She drank herself into pancreatitis over New Year's and the "system" didn't address her alcoholism, they gave her a pamphlet on it and that was it, hospital patient number 10, 345 dismissed. We just went through her rape trial and my husband now, her step dad who's been there for the past 5 years to try and help her, and myself were the only family there for her. I'm so proud of her that she put away a monster for 15 years who is also being accused of murdering a young girl from Peru State College, but unfortunately, it's just not enough support to get through to her illness. It rules her life, and unfortunately ours as well. Since flunking out of college, she has approached us to move back in. She'd been living with her boyfriend for the last year and my mother in between times but apparently she's looking for a change. She never talks to us unless she needs something. When I told her she had to stop smoking pot, get a job (and I could care less what it is, just get one) and do chores around the house, she flipped, (as usual) and called me every name in the book, usually the "c" word along with the "you were a horrible mother and you know it!" etc. I've written this before, but you are right, you start to believe it! And they beat you down because you are so bewildered on all this! you are damned if you give in and help, and you are damned if you don't, mainly because you beat yourself up on that one. They will beat you up no matter what you do. I feel for you, but I have to say that finding this website, even if I only go to it once in awhile, has been a Godsend. Truly. I have no words of wisdom, because this disease has no cure and really no hope for much of any kind of "normalcy". I pray everyday to just get through it. Good to see you found us!

05/09/2012 07:48 AM
nybor
Posts: 27
Member

I too am so glad I found you guys. It has given me insight no one else did could or would. I just had a 3 hour rampage from my daughter last night. Haven't had one of those for a few months. and yes, the C word the worst mother on earth. I didn't raise her right and she is 35 now. Bringing up, make that making up all the hurts she carries with her and blames every single one on me of course. Just hearing that I am not the only one going thru this helps me...it doesn't change things, but sure helps me cope a bit better. Bewildered is the right word. Nothing makes sense. I was told that since my cat sleeps in my lap, that I am now having sex with my cats. Try telling that to someone in the sane world. My friends are tired of hearing what is going on, so i quit talking about it. so thank you so much for sharing and being there for us all. I would like to ask you if your child has EVER taken any responsibility for what they have ever said to you? Mine certainly has not. Do they know that what they are saying is not true? or do they just not care as they have so much pain going on that they just spew it on those they love?

Post edited by: nybor, at: 05/09/2012 07:51 AM


05/09/2012 09:41 AM
ange2009
ange2009  
Posts: 375
VIP Member

I believe the behavior is part of the bipolar,the erratic behavior,the hurt they cause,the arrogance,it is what i know as a mom of a bipolar.They never take the blame,it is always someone elses fault.

I tried to be honest to a member a few days ago..and was told MY behavior was no acceptable..when do you tell the truth to someone??

i am lost,also desapointed that we are held hostage by the this awful desease,and speaking the truth is not an option..

I feel for you,as i know the pain,I wish you well.


05/09/2012 02:56 PM
liveandlove
Posts: 21
Member

In response to "does your child ever take responsibility for their words or actions?", No. Never. I try not to bring up past examples when she tells me "You were never there for me", because I don't want to be a martyr in her warped mind. I could tell her 300 times when "I was there for you when you had to be picked up at the police station, your friends house making marijuana soup and the police called, the hospital when you had pancreatitis from vodka.....blah blah blah" but I refrain because she will even use THAT against me! To Nybor, when you mentioned the cat story, I had to laugh outloud! Not because I don't believe it but because it was soooo validating about this crazy disease state we live in that no one would get! (well except those of us "sane" people who are raising people with it) I feel like I type in quotes a lot, sorry, I never use air quotes when speakingSmile In any event, my daughter has never ever acknowledged that perhaps her world isn't quite right compared to others who go to work, have relationships that don't involve 100% drama all the time, and manage to not crash their car on a monthly basis. Speaking of which, does anyone else's kids wreck their vehicles, or destroy the interior with garbage and blatant disrespect? She has managed to completely trash her car in a matter of months after her biological father bought her one...amazing that he can't help her realize her illness but he sure as H--L can buy her a new car!!!! ( I was vilified that I didn't care enough about her to get her a car) My A-S that I was going to buy her a car after she wrecked her last one and hates me!!! What!!? ok, I"ll quit typing as I can already tell my blood pressure is going up. Time to go enjoy the sun and plant some flowers! Thanks again to all of you fellow warriors! Keep up the good fight! We are not alone!

05/09/2012 03:58 PM
StrugglingMG
 
Posts: 10
New Member

Even if you do tell them the truth, they don't acknowledge it, so it really is fruitless. Personally, it only ads to my frustration, so I don't even go down that road anymore. I love my daughter, but she is barely tolerable a large part of the time. She, too has called me every name in the book and accused me of not being there for her and not being a good mother. I don't even validate that with a response anymore. This is an evil disease that will take your whole family if you let it. I am refusing to let it. I, too, am so grateful for this and all of you. There is hope and power in knowing you are not alone. My heart and my blessings go out ti each and everyone of you.

05/09/2012 08:07 PM
Chrissybell1
Chrissybell1  
Posts: 147
Member

Hello All, Just the other night I accidently gave my 20yr son his am meds instead of his pm meds. OMG!! What a terrible experience. I am a Nurse and I can not believe that I did that. Anyway, I had him vomit up what he could and I believe that he got most of it up. Then he sets in with his abusive talk. Im crying, "Im so sorry, it was a mistake and we are fixing this....." He states that he doesnt have bipolar and that he is just going to stop taking any meds. Well, I told him to stop. I will not hear it. You are bipolar, we love you and I have to get away from you for a while. I can tell when he is aggitated and he has intention on slinging the most hurtful things my way and tries to engage me in banter. I packed up a good book and my cigarettes and headed out the door leaving him with his (step) father. God bless Scott(step father) because he is Michaels frontal lobe. Thank God we have him to do this cause with me its just escalation and nightmarish abuse. I left, came back in about 45 minutes. And my son was in the shower. I got to querry Scott on what the situation was and he thought that he had calmed down. Michael came out of the shower and asked if I were ok. I said yeah, are you feeling ok? he said yeah. Then he came over to me and said he was sorry for how he treated me and he kissed me on the forehead. I said thank you for saying that and Im truely sorry for making that stupid mistake. I told him that I so much appreciated him saying that he was sorry to me and that I was truely sorry too. I love him so much.

My husband said that was the smartest thing to do, being to seperate for a little while. I dont think that Michael means to be vicious, but if I go there with him, he is the master of it. If I were to continue to cry and beg to persist that I loved him and only wanted he healing....... I would have crushed me. My only mistake was sticking around 10 minutes too long. He knows how to hurt me but at the moment I think that he gets into a brain cycle thing, I dont know, it might start those brain endorphines pumping and he might be getting high off it.

I do not need to be his pusher for a truama drama high. I will learn from this occurrence and realize, when he starts I will remove myself physically from his realm of influence. When I return, he may be ready to kiss me and say he's sorry - like a normal person. Its just that if I engage in his manic rush, like hurting me is one of his rushes, I am a partner to that abuse.

Yeah, I shouldnt have to do this, but it is better than the alternative.

Mike likes to state that he has no problems and wants to get off medications cause he knows that that terrifies me. Since he already knows this and I can not hide this fact, I must seperate myself for a little while. IF and when he ever really does insist on stopping medication, I have to be ready to let him go. Let him find out exactly where that will take him. Yes, we have done all we can for our beloved children. Letting them go and make the worst mistakes is got to be the hardest.


05/09/2012 08:31 PM
Chrissybell1
Chrissybell1  
Posts: 147
Member

As far as anyone on this site not feeling comfortable to state their truth. Well, its the truth according to that one. If anyone takes issue with it then the other must have hit a chord of resonance with the other who feels that that persons truth offended them. Really the one with the hurt feelings as an issue that they are not ready to deal with yet, and are lashing out at the person who brought it to their attention. One persons truth is just that, one persons truth. It may differ significantly from my own and that is ok. Only when I feel offended should I really peak up and see what that has to offer for myself. What are those feelings trying to bring to the surface for me? As fro the one who was told that their truth was not appropriate? Dont take it personaly, unless those feelings of hurt are trying to tell you something about yourself.

I can talk a good talk, but just the other day I had a boss talk down to me and it made me not go to work the next day. but, I did spend that time doing self care and asking myself why am I so insecure? I do not talk to people like they talk to me and others and sometimes that catches me off-guard. I just wished I could gain more self confidence and security. Of course 2012 has proven to be a "cleansing of the soul, by fire?" for me. Next week I have made an appt. with my medical MD and I am taking my husband and I am going to get myself on an anti-depressant. I feel really good about this. As I have said, I am a Nurse and I am considering going into the field of Mental Illness Rehabilitation and that excites me. I have just watched a wonderful film called, "Shodow Voices, finding Hope in Mental Illness" and it is fantastic.

I continue you all to keep looking for those positive stories, from people who are coping fairly well with this disease. Beware that you may be the safest proverbial punching bag for you precious children suffering with this disease. I know that I am, and I am taking action to avoid the abuse, but still be the loving Mother. It may be tougher for some who have set a status quo, if so I advise family counseling. A third party makes it better for us.


05/10/2012 07:29 AM
ange2009
ange2009  
Posts: 375
VIP Member

to liveandlove,my son had 6 cars in 8 years..3 new,and 5 used..no difference.

the patern is so unbelivable,now he is in prison,he is 30 years old.

also he had about 7 jobs over that time frame..in 4 different states.

I am surprised that my husband and I survived..but he didnot live with us.

oh..was kicked out of college as well at 20 years old.

lets make the best of today..Jackie.


05/10/2012 11:24 AM
stoma1
 
Posts: 52
Member

bipolar adult children, page #10. soooo many stories. it is great knowing we are not alone. just to know we can reach out with our feelings...to empty the over flow of love & concern about our adult children to others who know EXACTLY how we feel.
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