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owutatangledweb  Posts: 2761
Senior Member
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Well, as you all know, the "thing" is gone and my daughter did get back on track. So, now, I have another college related quandry. My daughter would like to live in an apartment just off campus next year. She commuted this past year...only a 30 minute drive. Of course, we always dreamed of her going off to college and being successful in college because she was a such a brilliant girl. Now that she's fairly stable now, it's tempting to have that dream again and allow this. My husband and I both were commuter students and would like her to have the college experience that we didn't. However, we always told her we were not going to pay for a dorm or apartment 30 minutes away. Here's where snippets of maturity start to emerge. She understands that, but she says that because of her illness, it's really the only option for her. She feels she should be close to home in case something happens (for some reason her focus was on something happening in the middle of the night). She says that had she not had this illness, we would have let her go off to college (true). When reminded that she lost her scholarship and that we believe that part was NOT due to her illness, she actually had insight there as well. She stated she was disappointed in herself for that. She feels bad that she worked so hard in high school for that and it bothers her that she lost it. She knows that her focus was on Stormpisser and not on school and she doesn't want that to happen again. She chose to go to school locally because of him and she doesn't want to base any more of her decisions for her future on what a boyfriend has to say about it. (Apparently, Stormpisser threatened to break up with her if she went away to college). Current boyfriend is disappointed that if she does this, she will actually live another thirty minutes further away from him and it's already a long drive to see her. However, he is making no such threats. She says it may mean only seeing him on the weekends, but that she just isn't going to base her school decisions on a guy anymore. She said she is happy at this university and it's close home if something happens. She wants to become more involved with her friends on campus, meet more people, and do more things with people from school. (this year, she hung out with kids that go to the community college near where her boyfriend lives). She feels she will have more time to study because she won't be commuting and she will be more likely to study since everyone on campus will be doing so. All sounds like really good reasoning right? Okay, so am I just being manipulated so that she will have a place to crash with her boyfriend or more people to party with? I think she really does want more of the college experience. But, WHAT part of the college experience is it? I really was deadset about not paying for room and board at a college so close to home (and any current boyfriend), but she does have points about her illness, etc. I also told her that although I'm very proud of how far she's come with taking responsibility for her illness... calling the pdoc when she needs to, recognizing when something's wrong, filling her own med tray and making sure she takes them, she still has not shown us financial responsibility. I'm not sure what to do here. I'm still concerned about her being exposed to excessive drinking, etc. Anyone have any advice? "Knowledge is the antidote to fear." - Ralph Waldo Emerson -
I stole this from someone else in one of these forums - but it fits! ;)
I am the mother of a 21 year old BP daughter (whom at the moment, I say is "in remission" with the help of Lithium, biweekly therapy for 4.5 years, and an intensive outpatient course of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).) |
