MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
11/21/2009 03:11 PM

Hi! New to group - need advice on teens.

owutatangledweb
owutatangledwebPosts: 2771
Senior Member

My daughter turned 18 andd left a few days later..not done with high school, brilliant and wants to go to college. Told her we're not supporting her financially for college due to her leaving to live with a boyfriend and family we don't know. No insurace, we've been paying out of pocket for ALL medical care. How long do we have to pay for medicine if at all? I just feel like that would be enabling her. She emotionally abuses or blackmails us to get what she wants. Guardianship would only push her further away right? I fear for her terribly. What should we be doing?
Reply

11/22/2009 03:16 PM
gardengirl
gardengirl  
Posts: 1727
Senior Member

Is there a social worker at her school that you could contact for advice?

11/22/2009 06:51 PM
owutatangledweb
owutatangledwebPosts: 2771
Senior Member

Thank you gardengirl.

I did think of that, they have a traveling school psychologist that may show up once a month. So, not much help there. She refuses to go to the therapist now and just wants the meds or to go off them. I provided a week's worth of meds and I don't think the mother gave them to her last week. It's just been such an emotional and financial drain that I just feel like giving up but it tears me apart. Her pdoc said to just give her a month's worth of meds and see what happens. She has tried suicide before so I really cann't believe he told me to just hand the stuff to her. I'm slowly coming to the acceptance that I have to just wait for the crash or the funeral.


11/25/2009 01:17 PM
gardengirl
gardengirl  
Posts: 1727
Senior Member

Even if the school psychologist is only there sporadically, I would think that s/he would want to talk to you if s/he knew there was a crisis with a student. At least that's how it would go at my school -- I teach high school.

11/25/2009 04:25 PM
owutatangledweb
owutatangledwebPosts: 2771
Senior Member

Thank you. After another week has passed, I may find myself doing that. ... she is an excellent student and always goes to school, but in the two weeks since she left our home, she's missed 4 and a half days of school, most "unexcused" meaning she didn't even call. (she denies she's missed that much school by the way) but I know.

11/25/2009 04:42 PM
gardengirl
gardengirl  
Posts: 1727
Senior Member

I don't know how it is structured where you live, but where I am, even an 18 year old can have truancy issues unless s/he is legally emancipated. And that is a complicated procedure... you might want to ask about that as well.

11/27/2009 05:51 PM
owutatangledweb
owutatangledwebPosts: 2771
Senior Member

THank you for the input. In my State, if they're under 18, the truancy charges are on the parent and after 18, they're on the 18 year old. She doesn't have enough yet to be truant, but she sure seems to be headed that way.

12/06/2009 11:04 PM
TOMI
TOMI  
Posts: 15
New Member

It breaks my heart to hear your story - partly because I can fill in the parts you aren't telling us since i have been through this as well. Our daughter is almost 22 now and until recently has been in one crisis after another. She too was suicidal most of the time and I was torn between wanting her to take her meds but not use them for an overdose.

We spent lots of money on treatment programs and therapy from 14y on. We never gave up on her, but came very very close many times. My husband and I often often have likened this to watching a very slow car crash that won't end. I have had times when I just wanted the funeral to go ahead and happen just to get it over with since it seemed inevitable. However, like I said we never gave up. We tried to use every tactic to keep tabs on her when not living with us(college) and to manipulate her to get help. Usually done by withholding money or the cell phone.

I hate to tell you this, but she had to hit bottom to finally take the treatment and therapy seriously. She just went through the most incredible treatment program geared toward bipolar. They taught her about her moods and distorted thinking and how to control them. She is now living in a sober living home and jsut got a job as an assistant manager of a major retail chain. I hate to sound so pessimistic but I know she is going to have a setback very soon(I can predict these now) but I feel she won't hit the bottom as hard after this therapy and now that she is in a sober living home.

I can only tell you to not give up. She cannot help the distorted thoughts and impulsive actions. Those are the disease, not her. Your child is in there somewhere covered by the illness. If she is lucky and has family support she will come back.

Also, go with your gut. If you are scared to give her money or total access to meds, then there is a reason. There is noone out there more manipulative than a bipolar who is untreated.


12/12/2009 03:45 PM
owutatangledweb
owutatangledwebPosts: 2771
Senior Member

Tomi:

I just noticed your post. Can you tell me what kind of treatment program your daughter was in. I have been reading alot about DBT Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and I wonder if that was what your daughter had. Please let me know. Feel free to PM me.

Thank you.


12/12/2009 05:41 PM
lillipets
Posts: 1531
Group Leader

"watching a very slow car crash that won't end. I have had times when I just wanted the funeral to go ahead and happen just to get it over with since it seemed inevitable."

OMG! That is so true! You've said it perfectly.

In fact even though my son is not officially the bipolar one of my twins I often find myself planning his funeral. It all seems so inevitable. I have told myself that he basically has a fatal illness. And I don't honestly expect him to outlive me. But I will never give up trying to find the "cure."

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved