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05/05/2012 03:02 PM

Hi, new here.

makaron65
Posts: 55
Member

Hi, I'm new here.

One month ago I called my sister and she said that she is arguing with her daughter(who is addict). I never called directly to my niece but this day I did, and I don't know why? I drove to my sister's house and took niece to live with our family. It's just me and my wife. Nice is 26 years old with college degree who start using heroin after break up with a boyfriend. My sister has a younger son (14) and she couldn't take it anymore from her daughter. I don't know why did I call, why did I drove there and took my niece to live with us? Was this a call from God? Now I'm stuck. I'm reading all your posts and what is laying ahead is really scares me.

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05/05/2012 04:37 PM
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Posts: 901
Member

hi makaron,

i'm so sorry that you have to join us here, but i think you will get so much from being a part of our little crazy family. YES IT WAS God!!! He knew that right now your niece and your sister needed you to step in. lucky you(lol) maybe you will be the one that will be able to get through to her. my daughter is 23 and has been using for a few years. she seems clean right now (after moving out of the house) but as i'm sure you have read, heroin is so very powerful and you may be in for a bit of a roller coaster ride. hopefully she hasn't been using very long, and maybe just getting away will give her the opportunity to see that she needs to reclaim her life. no one here will ever judge what you do or say and believe me, it helps to be surrounded by good, knowledgable people who have been there and done that. and we pray, we pray often and loudly for our kids and ourselves. please God help you in this fight and please God help your niece and all of our wondrful children. keep posting and reading, it helps love and peace, sharon


05/05/2012 04:48 PM
makaron65
Posts: 55
Member

Thansk Sharon for your warm words, and I'm looking forward to be a part of this supportive community.

05/05/2012 04:50 PM
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Posts: 901
Member

we are with you buddy

05/05/2012 04:57 PM
sadmom99
sadmom99  
Posts: 331
Member
I'm an Advocate

How long has she been addicted to heroin? Is she still using and if so have you and your wife together set up any boundaries/rules while she is living at your house? Is she working or are you supporting her? While it's great she is away from her younger brother I'm afraid you might have taken on a lot. My daughter about destroyed our marriage because we fought constantly about her, her constant lies, and playing us against one another, not to mention her being a drug addict.. It took over a year for me to get to where I didn't obsess 24/7 looking for her and trying to convince her she needed help. I finally just had to move on and get my own life back on track. Heroin withdrawal is not easy and typically they give up trying to quit cold turkey. It's one thing to want to help but until she is clean you might have taken on a 24/7 job. Our daughter was using right under our nose while in college and we had no idea, NEVER in our wildest dreams would we have suspected heroin, didnt even know what to even look for if we had or that it was back on the streets and becoming more popular with todays "kids". We didn't find out till she took off and one of her friends finally fessed up and told me. My daughter was a beautiful and very popular full time college student making A's and doing everything right and within a matter of a month she hooked up with some nasty people, sold her car for a few hundred bucks, got kicked out of her apartment and had an arrest warrant for burglary. It's a horrible addiction and in my opinion one that can only be taken care of by long term rehab but only when THEY are ready to quit. Not trying to scare you or freak you out by saying all fhis but I hope you have really set some guidelines up for her moving in and you will be firm with the rules. I hope she turns her life around fast and not let heroin take full control if it hasn't already. This forum was my saving grace and a great place to vent and to get support so hopefully you will experience this too. Take care

05/05/2012 06:09 PM
makaron65
Posts: 55
Member

Sadmom99, everything is new for us, so we don't even know where to start and what is the proper boudaries should be. She is still have her job, she doesnt have a car but she can get to train station from our home in 10 min. So far we put only one rule that nobody ever comes to our house. She doesn't have a key and we will have no problem to call police if anything.

05/05/2012 08:30 PM
sadmom99
sadmom99  
Posts: 331
Member
I'm an Advocate

I'm just sorry you are having to deal with this but commend you for taking your niece in. Glad to hear you are not scared about calling the police, hopefully you won't ever have to. What are you hoping will happen or change now that she is living with you? Other than her not being allowed to have anyone over is she allowed to still use heroin? What is the final straw for you and your wife with her being there? Those type of things are what I would consider and I would write down and go over each and every rule with her (when she is sober) and the consequences if she breaks any of them, then you and her sign and date it. Then if she breaks any rule it is in black and white and no argument needed. Make a copy of the rules and consequences for her and keep the original hidden for yourself. Stick to it and do not for any reason let her slide on these. One thing on the list I would put is she must attend NA meetings atleast one time a week if not everynight and if you want to put rules down for yourself put down when she is attending her NA meeting you and your wife will attend Alanon meetings. Just a thought.

05/06/2012 09:30 AM
makaron65
Posts: 55
Member

While reading a lot of posts on this forum I've realized that any rules will not make any different if she wants to use it. So why to have any rules that I will eventually try to enforce and it will make me sad, angry, worrying etc. I basically gave her a shelter - that's it. I'm not trying to make her go to NA meetings, but I told her when SHE is ready I'll take her there. We told her that we never will give her any money and food is in refrigerator. She in the position where she can not blame us for anything that happened to her and she knows that we are not going to bail her out, pay for her treatment, pick up her from bad places, etc. So if you want to used it - go ahead and kill yourself. And if you ready to go to rehab YOU is in charge to find one that will take you, YOU are in charge to make an appointments there, and YOU are in charge to be clean. Yes it hard to see her in this condition but I know that nothing we can do.

05/06/2012 10:07 AM
pattB
 
Posts: 6624
Group Leader

Thats right. Release her to herself.

05/06/2012 11:06 AM
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Posts: 901
Member

good luck, it sounds like you are in the right mind set. we are here, praying for you guys. one of these lovely people told me something that i cling to "let go and let God". it's up to her (with His help) love and peace, sharon
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