Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

Hi Diane, I am not Pam but I can help you with this. Addiction is not just the addicts disease, it becomes a family disease. As the addict is feeding their addiction, We become so absorbed in fixing our kids, that we actually become addicted to them. We worry fix and try to save them from theirselves but in the end we end up sick, homelife falls apart, family ties pull away, friends disappear and when it is all over we are standing their with a mess. And still our child is addicted. If you step back and let the addict deal with their addiction messes their selves sometimes the wake up and get better. Hope this helps. Love Tee.

That is so true Tee. We no longer have a life and it is hard work to let that happen but eventually we reach that stage.

Tee you said it all.

Hi Tee, Your words are logical and I know it takes great strength to let your child handle this addiction but I can't see myself doing this. She was on the streets for awhile, we couldn't find her. Searched for her all night, worked all day and finally she came home. Now she's better but still addicted and making mistakes and I am terrified she should end up on the street again or, god forbid, hurt or dead. If my child ended up dead how would I ever forgive myself? I feel if given a choice I would give my life for her...I've lived my life, a very good life that never involved drugs or alcohol..she deserves a happy life. All I want and pray for is for her to be happy, truly happy.

Post edited by: Diane2483, at: 04/15/2012 07:58 PM

Diane I have already lost one child and I know what you are saying. When my kids were younger my oldest daughter, probably 12 at the time, kept saying she was going to kill herself for whatever reason, probably cause she couldnt get the new top she had to have. I was so upset, having all the guilt from already losing a child, I called my mom, and good old mom said you know what you will feel guilty no matter what should happen. No matter what you do or dont do, I thought about that for a long time and she was right. I told my 12 year old that go ahead and kill yourself but please dont make a mess. Well she got so darn mad and huffed off and that was the end of that threat. I guess what I am trying to say here is you will feel like crap even if you sold you soul to the devil to save them so let that go, worry about today, do what you can and let God take care of the rest. I too worried about my son ending up dead which was close a few times and I would just cry my eyes out with worry. After awhile I realized I was just torturing myself, I had no power to stop what might be and to save my energy and focus of other things. I'm sorry but if your daughter was hit by a car tomorrow you would feel just as much guilt as you would if she od'd. That is just sharing what I have been through in my life.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Islandcat. Sometimes I hesitate to write things on here because you are going through your own problems and here I am complaining. The fact is when she was 17 she did OD and that was at the time she was on the streets so the first time we seen her after several months was a horrendous shock. She did not look like our baby physically or mentally. She came out of the overdose but still needed care but refused to let me or her father help her or take her home. She had the hospital police escort us out of the hospital. I dont even remember the walk down the halls and out to our truck, all I remember is feeling like I was mortally wounded and crying all the way. Her father and I just grabbed on to each other in the truck with all our might and sobbed. A lot has happened since then and I never want to feel that ever again.

Post edited by: Diane2483, at: 04/15/2012 08:26 PM

No Diane that is what the forum is all about, we are all going through or have gone through a lot, but yet that is why we stay here is to share and listen to others. You need to always feel free to say what you want, I do understand what you are saying and there is nothing worse than seeing the beautiful child you raised change and walk away and shut you out. I so hate drugs so much, I actually cringe when I hear the word heroin. Please vent all you want. Hugs Lynda

Tee,

You couldn't be more right. I also became addicted to the addict. As most of you are aware, I have been dealing with 3 addicts and my life has not been mine. Every waking moment is consumed with "how do I fix them" I know I can not and now feel the need to let them walk in the path they have choosen. Of course I will enter their paths if they ask me to help them to get clean but, I will no longer try the old Love them to sobriety. I must first get help for my addiction to them before I will be able to let them make their own choices and deal with the circumstances. I love them very much but, they have to love themselves enough to get help,.

Love, Doreen

Doreen that is what I have had to do too. After years of trying to save my daughter, and letting life pass me by I realized that I was addicted to her and her addictions. After I realized and did a lot of soul searching that is when I stepped back and healed myself. I will always love my daughter and be there for her while clean. But the addict in her will not be a part of me nomore. Love and prayers. So sorry for your loss, but the new strength she left you will carry you through life. Love Tee.

Sometimes Tee in order to save something we have to let it go. We never let go of the love but, we let go of the drama and the guilt we have all shared. My faith was challenged this week and I was shaken to my core. I took full care of my mother from changing her and bathing her. I didn't even think of my boys, I thought only of my mother. I let them worry about themselves and have decided that, moving forward, that is what I will continue to do. I am tired of being worried 24 hours a day. I, we, deserve a good life, after all, we are good parents. God has given me the ability to truly say "give it to God"

Love, Doreen