Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

I am new to MD junction as of this last week. I was looking for answers to questions I have regarding my 19 yr old son's addiction. I found more than that..I found support from mothers who are going through and have gone through stories similar to mine. Thank you.

My personal story began when I was 17 (1977) when I discovered my mother hiding bottles of alcohol. I told my father, who immediately berated me. I soon became the scapegoat..I was causing trouble trying to get help for my mother.At 29 (1989) I threatened to move back to Iowa to commit her. Within two weeks my father committed her. She died at age 57. I have beautiful sons. While they were growing up, I repeatedly told them never to try anything they can get addicted to...since they have addiction on both sides of there family. As my children turned 15...they did what I did at 15...dabbled in beer and marijuana. I admonished them...but I wasn't worried that it would grab ahold of them. Just teenagers, I thought. A month before my oldest son's graduation (2007), I got word that my brother (40, wealthy, and a beautiful family) needed an intervention for cocaine addiction. I immediately flew out to AZ, thinking this was going to be like my mother's alcohol addiction. I behave the same...searching, searching, searching for evidence...why? I don't know. Even while he was at the treatment center...I kept searching. I was shocked by what I found...what comes with a cocaine addiction.I stayed in Az.for a couple weeks to help his wife and children. Then back home to my son's graduation. Within two years (2009)..in a discussion with one of my oldest son's friends at a H.S. football game..I find out my oldest has a "problem with cocaine." My stomach dropped and I went into " save my son" mode. How could he, I thought, after what my brother went through. I should have picked up that something was wrong. I mean, he was arrested for drug paraphenalia, and on another occasion for fighting with his dorm's security guard. Why didn't I see it? Marijuana once in awhile, I could understand...getting drunk once in awhile, I could understand...but my son? cocaine? No way. Mr. basketball star,soccer star, homecoming court...etc. No way. What did I do wrong? I thought he was happy. Intervention, semester off from school. Daily outpatient treatment. Back to school. Great. It is all okay, now. Wrong!! Since 2007...while my oldest son is working through his addiction,my youngest son was in and out of psych wards...due to threat of suicide, punching holes in the walls, punching himself in the face....apparently as a result of depression. Doctors said he was bipolar and had a marijuana addiction. I knew he wasn't bipolar...he was ADHD, and when on ADHD medicine, he had OCD...but not bipolar..but they put him on medicine..that screwed him up even more. I took him out of the place and took him off of all meds except the depression medicine. He slowly got better...still mildly depressed but he seemed better. Then he would come home messed up...hallucinations..auditory and visual..the holes in the walls started again...he lied constantly..I thought he was crazy. I never thought it was drugs. I was Still in denial...after going through the addiction/rehab process with a mother, brother, and son.Then this summer(2011)...my oldest seemed to be different ... tweeking different...my youngest was out of it half of the time...and my middle child was fine.My middle son..made comments to alert me to what was going on with his brothers...without coming right out and telling me. I got the hint...searched, searched, watched, and searched....Next thing I know I am awakened by my husband at 1:00 am because there is a horrible accident in our neighborhood. I get a sick feeling in my stomach. My husband is watch the 3 sherrif cars, 3 ambulances, and 2 firetrucks from our driveway. All of a sudden I know who it is. It is my 19 year old son. In a 25 mile an hour zone...in his own neighborhood...he is so out of it he drives 50 miles an hour around a curve and totals his car. He is taken away by ambulance. A few days later, while returning from drivers school ( for getting 3 speeding tickets in two months) he is stopped and arrested. A warrant was put out for his arrest..apparently..they don't let you know when there is a warrant out for you. They tow my husband's car away..and take him to jail. We get him out ASAP! God forbid should we leave him in a jail. Someone might hurt him. Even after the car accident, he didn't learn...During his short stint in jail..he tells the guard that he as something to give him: a pipe. So now his is charged with a felony of bringing contraband in to a jail. Quickly....Two interventions in one week. The 23 year old for addiction to snorting large amounts of adderall..( which he said replaced the cocaine)and the 19 year old for marijuana and synthetic marijuana. Next thing I know he has had a long standing addiction to snorting oxycodone. Now we are in this hell again. Treatment is 3 hours 3 nights per week. He is still using. I am still searching for evidence of use...I was alone...now I have this online support group...I am grateful..so grateful to have a place to release my worries...after keeping it all to myself for so long. Thank you. Pam

So sorry that you have the need for this site...but so glad there is one for us to come to..as you have seen we are all here for each other and no one judges another..I am so sorry that you have had not just addiction problems with your kids but also your other family members...I just pray that we and our kids can make it through life some way some how with our sanity and that they can get sober and clean...but it is certainly a hard road back..so easy for them to get hooked and so difficult to get clean...I pray that we can someday again enjoy life without so much worry and frustration...God bless and so glad you have come here to get a release..as we all know it can be so lonely trying to shoulder the burdens of addiction..we may not be able to solve the problems but atleast we can share our burdens..hugs.

Welcome to our family. Wow, your story almost mimics mine except my middle son is also an addict. Yes, three sons. My oldest has been a heroin/oxy addict for years and has recently been in jail and is awaiting his indictments for felonies. He is looking at 20 years and gosh he is still using. He has been in and out of rehabs so many times I have lost count. He to was a star athlete, in my eyes, intelligent, kind and just a great guy but that all changed. He is now this scrawny, crazy, out of control adult (23) with a beutiful 1 year old daughter. My middle son has also been in rehabs, as far away as I could get him and guess what, spoons and syringes in his room. My youngest son was committed to the State psychiatric ward after his behavior became so erratic, hitting walls, threatening people in parking lots, writing me letters in crayons. They also told me he was bipolar so on to Zyprexa he went. He became a walking zombie. Ironically his best friend was committed the same week he was so more investigation and low and behold, they had been smoking marijuana together, turns out, there was some bad stuff going around laced with lighter fluid. He then progressed to heroin and oxy. He is working on getting his life together, he asked me for help one day and into treatment he went. He is tapering off of suboxone and sees his psychiatrist once a week and is an active member in his NA groups. He has recently been hired as a cook at a restaurant and he is so happy. I am very happy for him. Through all of this, I have learned that no matter how many rehabs I force them into, it will not work until they decide to commit to quit. You can never blame yourself. Also, addiction does have a hereditary trait. We do the best we can and we pray. God's plan is big, I know it sometimes it may not seem that way but, we have to believe. I have spent countless dollars on rehabs, bail and hospital bills for one OD. It feels like a never ending battle. Trust me when I say you are in good company and I am glad you have found us. We are always here no matter what, a loving word, a dry shoulder and the best group of new friends you will meet. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. We are all in this together. So once again welcome.

God Bless and welcome.

Doreen

you poor mothers ..just one addict makes me CRAZY .. how do you have the strength? both your stories touched me ..I feel so bad for me ... & here you gys have 3 kids on drugs .... its exhausting ..But doreene you said it ..your last son is working on his recovery,,going to meetings ..My son never really believed in the meeting & after care ... he was on drugs to stop drugs & he worked & saw a therapist sometimes ..But i believe you need to work the 12 steps .... well lets pray our kids get it ... how many rehab must they go to ..how many needles must we find , how many sleepless nights must we have & when can we stop being addicted to there addiction.... where does it end? I wish our kids new the answer ....

Post edited by: greeneyemommy, at: 11/11/2011 05:47 PM

Thanks for the support. I joined this group on November 5th..by googling parents of addicts. I had no idea such a thing existed. I was just hoping to find a support group in my area that I could attend. I thank all of you for listening to/reading my posts and responding. I was so desperate to disclose and get some of this stuff out in the open. I was feeling so hyperaware of everything my son was doing. Now I have slowed down a bit. I can at least breathe again. Although I am always on the verge of tears,I can at least think more clearly now. Thank you all so much.

I remember the first time I found this group. I cried during my whole first post. when I started seeing the amount of parents going through this, I no longer felt alone. It felt like a relief to know there were people out there who did not judge me or my situation. I thought Oh my God I'm not alone. That night it was if a cloud was lifted and I felt the love, prayers and support I received. I am so incredibly grateful to all my friends here. As you will see, we are a group of strong, loving and caring parents who want only one thing: Our kids back the ones we know exist who have become someone else. Through all your struggles, trials and tribulations, we will be here. Prayer is a powerful force and one I will be sending your way tonight and every night. I pray every night for all the parents of addict and for the addicts.

With Love, Doreen

I remember also..I was searching the web just trying to find something that would soothe my soul..my son had been in prison for 3 mos and I was on the verge of going crazy..I may not have the time to be on here posting every night or day but I do check in and read..I also pray for all of us...we all have such sorrowful stories to share and the sad fact is that we are just the tip of the iceberg...Even though my son has been home for almost 7mos I think of his prison stay everyday...feel like we are all in our own little prisons..hugs to all of you ladies and my we all find the peace we deserve someday.

This group takes the edge off. My hyper-vigilence of my son's use is waning a bit. Just by having a place to let out the worry and frustration has put some of my focus on getting me healthy and getting a piece of my life back. Thank you.

yes .. we think we are the only family going threw thing ..but we are not alone .. we all understand one thing & that is to keep our kid safe safe from the demon called addiction ..& we may disagee sometime ..but we are all great parents .. we want the best for our kids ..& we do understand ...

Its great to be able to vent and have others understand. No one understands like someone who has or is going through the same thing. I hear you.