Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

I agree being clean in jail isn't the same. It is an artificial situation, they have no choice. I'm glad the two brothers she hangs out with are in jail too, they can't visit her or speak to her but their mother does, unfortunately. Even if they get out, they aren't allowed to visit other inmates till they have been out 60 days. Thank goodness. I suffer from the "mother" syndrome too! LOL, we want to fix our children and get very frustrated and desperate when we can't, but we have to face the fact that it isn't up to us anymore.

It is so true about jail and sober. As soon as they get out if their not in ther for yrs they can and often do go back to using. Mine did after just a few months of being out of prison. He was there 11mos and three months after his release when he started working in a pizza place it started all over again. I really hope he gets a job out of this town and gets his life straightened up before it is too late. He has 10 more months of probation. He has decided that he can't live with me anymore and that I am too controlling. Funny it was me that hired the 2 lawyers both times he got into trouble, to the tune of 6,000 for the two. It makes me sick that he has turned into someone that I really don't know anymore. He has given up on his marriage and when she needs him he is not there. She has her DUI issues to get through and lost her job. She was here for him for 11 mos writing letters and waiting on phone calls while he was in prison but he has forgotten all of that. Poor girl has moved from house to house with no place to call home. Well if he doesn't want to live here then she can. I have a 2 bedroom and 2 bath apt and it is senseless to not help her. So I guess he will stay with his dad's side of the family which will only make him more of an a**. But that is his choice. Funny he was then one that cheated but he says she is no good. Crazy how the addict mind works...sorry this is so long but I can only get things off my chest when I feel like writing. So much for my nice peaceful recovery and will be back to work in just a few weeks...really stinks...hugs and prayers my friends.

They don't ALWAYS use as soon as they get out. My son, stayed clean for almost a year after getting out of jail. I think it really depends on the person and whether they really take a good, hard look at themselves and what they come up with. Sometimes just being in jail, gets them clear headed enough to recognize where they are, and question whether this is where they want to be. He was only in for 30 days on his last visit.....So, always keep the hope. It really can happen.

I do think and agree with you that they have to meet temptation square on in the real world but I do believe some can clean up and if they are reading the big book develop tools to have a better chance to fight in the outside. It all depends on the student and some addicts can quit in jail and never return to using but outside or inside it is all a process and so if there comes a relapse once out it does not mean they can't get back on the wagon.

Just read your post Shari now they don't all use, again it just depends I suppose on the bottom and willingness of the addict.

For the first time in a looooong time, I've been getting a call from her every day since she was arrested. I know this isn't a real life situation, but its a start. Maybe we can remind her what its like to have family, she has been brainwashed into thinking we are bad and don't care about her.

Physically, she's ok except for the fact that she's throwing up everything she eats. She is obviously full of regret. I asked her how she really feels about her "boyfriend" and she told me that under it all he's a good person but she doesn't like how he acts and the decisions he makes. She also said she can't blame him for her problems but he did have a part in taking her down with him. I told her that someone can still be a good person and not be good for HER and it seems like she got what I was saying. She is asking if she can tutor people for their GED's because she wants to help people and there are some really sad cases in there where people need a hand. It would also show the judge that she can be a productive part of society when clean. She said that the judge treated her like a piece of trash and I told her on paper she doesn't look good at all and to use this time while she's waiting for trial to prove what kind of person she really is without the drugs.

It is so good to be talking to her without her "friends" listening in and her having to say what they want to hear. I could never tell if it was her writing me messages either. I KNOW a lot of the time it wasn't, not that its any different, she LET them do it. We wrote her a couple letters yesterday and inserted a family photo and some pics of the dogs and when I told her we wrote her on the phone she started crying and thanking us. I have such mixed feelings, on the one hand I feel better with her in jail because I know she isn't on the streets and using but on the other hand it hurts too. We are doing the best we can.

Hello Sadmom. I have been in your shoes with my son being in prison for 2 years and hearing him sober was such a relief. I know the feeling of him being safe in there, etleast more safe than on the streets. For me it was a little time I had to not worry about the drugs taking his life. It gave our family a little time to heal as strange as that sounds. I have finally realized that god is controlling every situation and always giving thema new chance, they just have to find it and take his hand. Some times they do find it in jail and sometimes they do not. It is the "addicts" journey and it seems like we are just along for the ride. I have you in my prayers.

This is a healing time for all. I am so happy you are talking, she will come back a bit more everyday and although the problems won't get better right off or be instantly fixed, the one thing for sure is for now they are not getting any worse, and each day it will improve.

So is she detoxing is that why she is sick or is she getting sick because of stress? Thinking of you.

I think its stress. She wasn't throwing up till she got to jail and had detoxed herself a couple weeks before. She did have another seizure yesterday in jail. They didn't do anything for her, just took her vitals and she told them she didn't want to be taken to the nurse. They just put them in a room by themselves with no pillow or blanket and she was afraid she would seize again and nobody would see. She is on depakote but had the seizure anyway.

My son was in jail and prison for 18 months.. even if it is forced,, just getting them away from their substance and getting their head clear is a step in the right direction.. Without that they can't ever begin to recover...My son was a model prisoner, he read to those who couldn't read, interpreted for the Spanish and used the time to read positive motivational books... I began to wish he could stay longer!! I certainly wished that I had not bailed him out previously!! He was in a very gang laden prison and that freaked him out at first, but he got along with all the gang members without having to affiiate..He was moved to minimum security after the first month.

He has been out for 19 months.. and while, he still has some issues, he is a very different person..

She is going to realize more and more what she has put herself and your family though and the grief may be overwhelming at times..I think you should cautiously be there for her.. I didn't see my son for the first 6 wks he was in, even though we were in the same town. I did visit him weekly for 6 months afterward untill he was transferred 400 miles away.. I saw alot of maturity happen duing that time...I still remind him that if he was ever in again, there would be no comissory money or support of any kind.

Your daughter is on her way up.. This is all a good thing!