Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

it is!! I'd ask how you are but I think we know the answer to that, it's GREAT to be back on here, I know you figured out that girlfriend fell off the wagon with the pain pills AGAIN, but I gotta pick up the pieces get past it and get my head outta my ass. LOL.

I live in Florida too. It has a huge drug flow through here. Now, that I have a son wo has been addicted to heroin, I recognize the people walking around like zombies. Florids is NOT a safe place for someone trying to recover.

Going against what Drug Counselor's say is a recipe for disaster. If she can't do what is expected of her, then why is she pushing to get out and go to halfway house SO SOON? Gut instinct tells me something is amiss here.

She needs to conform to what they are recommending. I don't like it when they

"play" the parents, and it sounds like she might be manipulating?

Caution is advised.

Did any of our loved had a hard time finding a fix in any places they have been at? NO. So I believe it doesn't matter what state they stay after leaving a rehab. What is important is their willingness and commitment. Reading posts here I realised that replaces could happens in good environment as well as in bad. I think that being away from enablers ( that's who we are a lot of the times) gives them a fear to leave sobriety train. And that fear may be helping some of them to be on that ride longer. But what do know? Nothing. This is just my opinion.

I think that some states and places are worse than others, our town is the second largest drug distribution spot in our state it matters a great deal I am afraid, as calling a dealer is one thing. and fighting that urge it is yet another, but if you are approached every block or so by pushers I think it matters. Some states surrounding Mexico, or is a known spot like Fl. They do have higher drug traffic, and the difference is like buying a candy bar at a store, or walking into a candy store. Yes drugs can be bought everywhere. Enabling is not a good thing but enablers don't make addicts use, an enabler softens the blow and may raise up their bottoms but I do not think concerned mothers or fathers like yourself are responsible for the addiction. Addicts use and sometimes a enabler can prolong their addiction is how I see it, by softening the blows that could of made their bottom worse. Funny you said sobriety train, we use to talk of a train on here. You seem oddly familiar, did you use to post before? I am sure you know more than you think or lead people to believe, and your views do matter, I am unclear of what your saying that enablers or parents because most of us are, give them fear to leave sobriety train? Could you please help me understand. In terms of psychology it feels as if you are suggesting parents or enablers give them fear, and this fear a parent or enabler gives, makes an addict use. I hope you do not feel responsible for your daughters using or relapsing or even being clean, the train as you say, they ride alone on and they pick just when, where, how and why, all on their lonesome.

Post edited by: pattB, at: 06/28/2012 02:05 PM

Sorry that my message was not that clear. What I was trying to say, that if we put a break on enablibg and clearly deliver that message to our kind that fear of not having our support (or enabling them) may keep them on sobriety train longer. I've talk to my frend who is recovered addict (now for 7 years) and he was saying that any fear that holds them off using is good. For some it may be fair of been kicked out of the house, for others fear of being jailed, adn e.t.c.

Does it make any sence?

So of the enabling part does, losing family? I think for addicts i know they are fearless, and even knowing the consequences of using will bring, jail, death, losing friends, family, job is still not enough to stop them, if they are using or get the urge to use I think they are not thinking at some point and therefore follow the urge, it is a interesting subject though because it is still speaking in terms of that we have some control over it , instilling fear or loss of our love and support, which makes an enabler still see themselves as part of the golden key. It is a good topic and bears witness to the fact that even in tough love, one is still involved if they are expecting, "this action will bring this result." For me when i choose to kick out my daughter it is not because I think she will straighten up over it, it is usually because i have hit my bottom and it is too painful to observe hers, and it is in those moments, I realize very deeply, only she can choose sobriety, nothing I say or do is going to stop or prevent it. Although I am guilty of reminding her of all she will lose, but honestly deep inside I think if my daughter wants to use, all the things I say or do,reminding lecturing about jail and things she will lose, is tossed to the wind like a kite on a windy day and she will do what she pleases. I will agree that it may buy a few moments for them to think it through, so maybe the fear factor works in that. Congrats for your friend what was his/her DOC? Perhaps each addict has it own set of criteria, for just as we are all different , so are our children. What is painful for one may be something as simple as loss of family, but in so many cases I do not think addicts can be manipulated or threatened into staying clean and the divine intervention has to be, perhaps, in their own hearts and maybe even with God.

If we any of us knew the secret we would of done it a long time ago so I believe we are just by standers trying on different gear in a desperate attempt that one may work, and all of that is exhausting as I well know, for I act it all out the same as anyone, because in truth what keeps us hooked is fear of their dying, and so we have to just try to not be as bad as we were yesterday at enabling, or thinking this may work, but never the less we usually AlWAYS hope we have found the golden key that we can give them to get there faster. Even an act of not doing is doing something because we are taught that we can spare ourselves grief by just observing, but for me those have just been times of rebuilding my strength because I will fight as long as i have a breath in me looking for something that can work. This is deep honestly i speak here in my own situation and trials. My daughter is two weeks clean now and that is clearly a decision she has to make daily. The things i agree with are no money, no softening the blows of their addiction, helping when they want it, but other than that I cannot say what works for the vast majority of addicts and i think each parent has a keener idea of their situation than i do, for they have worked their puzzle and know the picture and corner pieces better than anyone else except the addict himself, or the addicts long term sponsor counselor, should he or she have one. Good topic, thought provoking. Fear does it work?

Post edited by: pattB, at: 06/28/2012 01:52 PM

Post edited by: pattB, at: 06/28/2012 01:54 PM

I dont feel it does. My son has no fears when he is high, no cares except his next high. Family doesnt matter, friends are only for drugs, jail and crime dont matter. They cant think logically so perhaps all they might fear is not getting their next high.

That is a good point fearing not getting the next high. Another point that came to mind as i sat up until 3:00 am in the morning in a moonlit night and an outside fire for warmth, with my daughter and her friend, who has two years clean ( I really liked her)is this, they were disclosing using and how much they used, and why and how comes, what was an alarming detail that they sometimes continue to use because they do so fear the pain of withdrawal, hearing just how physically painful it is, was frightening just listening to, hearing how tolerance for a drug can be built up, was also alarming. Both of them have to carry cards that explain their tolerance and if they are in a accident that ibuprofen would be an more effective relief than oxy or anything else. Both agreed that was what they feared most detoxing . Also i use to say H was cheap but I have learned that one gram is very little and that habits for H can run up to a hundred dollars a day. It was a good night and i felt at peace that my daughters friend was REAL and tried to talk some sense in her about the BF for over a year. She did not like him, nor he her, and I think my daughter is coming around to see that perhaps he wanted her hazed out so he could continue to use her good name and how well she could present herself as an arm piece at court. We almost have her convinced to file a restraining order as his letter are getting creepy. If he feels he is in battle with me he will only wish to fight to win her so i lose or the best friend loses. It is a game to him. I am worried of what he is capable of. The last part of this post on my feelings might be off subject I know, but actually maybe not, since it is fear based sort of topic. I am afraid of the bf and his stocking her if she does not submit to a continued relationship. Yikes.

Post edited by: pattB, at: 06/28/2012 03:55 PM

Post edited by: pattB, at: 06/28/2012 03:57 PM

Patty, actually there is 2 brothers, both recovering addicts. One was IV heroin user . I think he is 32-33 now. He is now sober I think for at least a 12 years. Married, 3 kids. He became a rebbe. He had a fear of dying. I don't know what was a DOC of his junger brother, but he stoped using it in a fear of being jailed. He said it took him 3 years of relapces before he finaly made it. He is now 28 and going to school to become a physical therapist. I know them thru their father. So there is always a hope for all of us. Take care.

There is always hope. What is a rebbe? !2 years is very impressive. Hope, I love the topic of hope. Thank you I will take care you as well.