Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

When I see my son the first thing I tell him is that I love him the next thing I ask him is let me see your arms...he pulls up his sleeves and reveals his arms - track marks up both. I cry every day, for him. I wrack my brain how to help and not enable. As a family we had an intervention and sent him to a rehabilition centre - 45 days later he came home, a week later he relapsed. He has relapsed over and over again, every day I fear that he can't continue on like this...please if anyone has ideas share them with this mom that has no peace

Post edited by: ptoth, at: 06/05/2012 06:34 PM

I am sorry to hear this. When they go to the needle it becomes a very serious battle for them. What drug is he using? My son who started out just experimenting, and finally escalated to heroin. Heroin, is a destroyer of life, and families.

First) Don't trust him. They will learn to lie. (They tell you what you want to hear)

Second) Hide or remove anything of value from your home. Jewelry, credit cards, anything of value.

Third) Do not enable him. Never give him cash (Never, ever) It will be used for drugs. Don't give him gift cards (they sell them for cash). If he needs help for a Dr. pay the Dr. directly. Never ever, let them have access to your purse, credit cards or anything.

The longer they use, the more manipulative they become. Plan for it. Put things away and hid them. If they don't see it or know where it is, they will look elsewhere.

Continue to offer (nonfinancial) support, love them, know that he is suffering, and addicts have the lowest self esteem of any people on this planet.

Love the addict, BUT get smart and don't enable. Anyone with an addiction WILL only recover WHEN AND IF they are ready. Nothing we say, threaten or coerce will change that. The drug user will only get better when THEY want to get better. A Drug addiction lifestyle is not sustainable, not a single one has the resources to feed such a terrible and expensive habit, the longer they use, the more they get into criminal trouble.

DO NOT ENABLE. Love them, and let them choose recovery by not enabling them.

Excuse my spelling I am exhausted.

Post edited by: Slingersss, at: 06/05/2012 07:02 PM

Post edited by: Slingersss, at: 06/05/2012 07:04 PM

I know thats right but right now I am sort of into fight fire with fire, lol Oh you want your lap top out of pawn... sorry no loan even if you do have the money in seven days. maybe i should go take a shower, must remember to shower. I can say one thing i REMEMBER now how much it sucks. Shari here you are suffering and your just like me, or i am just like you, willing to hep another suffering. And that my dear is one of the reasons i love you.

ptoth,

i am so sorry that you are here with us, but as you can see from the two posts before mine, there are really wonderful, caring, knowledgable people here who are glad to help with advise. how old is yor son? does he live in your house? i have a 23 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin and i know how you feel. it is the worst thing that a mom can go through. the worst. i so agree with shari, as much as we love them and want to trust them, we just can't. the drugs take over. they lie, they steal, and if you let them., they will destroy you(without even realizing how much they are hurting you) please keep posting and know that you are not alone. we are with you. please God help our new friend and help her son. love and peace, sharon

ptoth, I am sorry you are with us in this fight to save our kids. At some stage you will realize that we are helpless in saving them, only they can decide that. I do not know how old your son is or how many years you have been going through this...but try as you may it just doesnt work. You say he has done rehab a few times, so he is not ready to end this nightmare. Then it is time for you to save yourself, you cannot help him if you are losing your sanity over it. Some of us have been through this for years and have come to the understanding that we have no control over it. So we back away and try to gain our strength back for the time they will be ready. I know it sounds cold, but we can only go on so long before we realize this and then you have to make the steps not to enable in any way. Oh it is so hard, and so painful but it is how addiction is. Please share with us cause there not one person on here who does not know where you are coming from. Hugs Lynda

ptoth, ditto. It sounds like it is time for you to rest. I am in the midst of getting my sanity back. It is so hard to let go. My son is going to use if he wants to, whether it is in my home or his. I let go and let it be his disease. He is making strides, I think. Once I stopped trying to control his behavior and let go, he slowly began to call his attorney himself instead of us doing it for him. He is learning to manage money. We have less overdrafts on his account now. He is working 40 hours a week instead of getting fired from every job. This is how it stands today. Tomorrow may be a different story. Don't get me wrong, I didn't give up on him. What we were doing wasn't working, so we told him to leave our home. We payed his rent the first two months and gave it directly to the person he was renting from. I am thinking that a good rest from this nightmare may do you good to revive you and give you strength. It is certainly helping me. Thinking of you. Pam