Ok, well it's almost 11pm my time and here's a shocker.....we haven't heard from junior all day.....I TRIED so hard to prepare his dad for this. His dad has tried calling him all day and still not even one word. Now I have a very sad, depressed man on my hands who is angry at the world, but I don't dare say I told you so, or anything to that effect. I took him out to play bingo this evening to get him out of the house, which seems to have helped get his mind off of his son letting him down again and it made the evening go by a little easier, plus it was fun. I won $100. Yay!
Teetime, Mehman and islandcat, a special thank you to you for your insight and words and hope. I cannot express how nice it is to have some support, because even talking with my husband about this can make me crazy. Especially on nights like tonight. When we got home from bingo I checked my email and there were all your posts which I SO look forward to reading. Your words and encouragement give me the strength and insight to keep moving forward and to help my loved ones. So a big thank you and hugs to all of you! I hope that I can be of help to someone too.
To all of you who have kids in rehab, I would like to tell you that the real work starts once someone gets out from a facility. Because they are leaving the safe environment that they are in. It is like a cocoon. Once you leave rehab, the big, nasty world is out there again and you have to deal with it.....without drugs this time! This can see easy at first and a newly recovering addict may even seem a little too confident about their new found sobriety and feel that they do not need meetings or after care or a sponsor, etc. After having 11 years clean I relapsed back in 2008. I had gotten complacent about my sobriety and felt that I no longer needed meetings, or "those people", that I could handle getting high for 1 night or a weekend, etc.....Not so. That one night turned into about 18 months for me. I lost everything and more all over again.
Today I have almost 3 years clean. (I say "clean" as opposed to "sober" sometimes, because alcohol was never an issue for me) I stay clean today by going to meetings, not associating with anyone that does anything illegal, going to school full time and for me, the biggest deterrent to picking up again is to remember where that next relapse could (and probably would) take me. I really think it through ALL the way and I ask myself is that where I want to go again......absolutely not! I guess my point is that even though a kid (or adult) has gone through rehab, there is still much work to be done. An addict must stay away from the people, places and things that were a part of their "using".
One of my favorite sayings about sobriety is this:
"You have to change just one thing - EVERYTHING!!"
I don't go out to clubs, parties, etc. I feel like I am a boring person! But you know what? I am clean. I am not sitting in jail cell and I no longer feel like a prisoner of my addiction, which is the insanity of it. You want to quit, you want to go home, you want your family. But it seems that there is always something, some situation, that drags you back in. You tell yourself that just one more _________ (fill in the blank) and I will quit, go home, go to rehab, etc. Sometimes it is also hard for an addict to give up the "life style". I cannot explain why, because it is far from glamorous! But the absolute terror of going even one day with out your drug of choice is the ultimate reason we choose to live on the street and live the way we are. There is also shame. Many times I was so ashamed of what I was doing or what I had done that I simply could not face it. So what does a good addict do in that situation? I get some more, so I don't have to even think about this stuff. And there in a nutshell is the best way I can (from my experience) explain to you WHY the addict will continue to be on the street and stay away from home. Does this make sense to anyone???? I hope so.
Isn't is so strange what we can become addicted to??? I wish that I could become addicted to eating healthy, cutting out sweets and exercise!!!!!!
So as I had said in my first post, I have been on both sides of this fence. I guess I feel and I hope that I may be able to help someone here get through one more day, as many of you have done for me. Isn't that what this is all about after all?
So right now I am going to go crawl into bed with my man, and our 2 Rottweiler puppies that keep us sane (and take up most of the bed)!
So good night to all of you incredible people out there. I pray for you several times a day, and I am so honored and grateful to have your kind words and support.
