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03/28/2012 05:53 PM

i miss trust

sec
 
Posts: 901
Member

sometimes i think i must be the stupidist woman on the planet. i let her take the car last night to see her "boyfriend" who was meeting her at a friends house in the area. around midnight she texts me saying that the friend will not let him spend the night (he has no car or license) so she will be driving him to his moms 90 miles away, spending the night and will see me in the morning. i called her back and "calmly" told her that she had my car and she needed to get her a.. home and i really didn't care where she dumped him off. a friend came, picked him up and she came home. this morning my husband and i checked out the car to find bandaids and alcohol wipes in the glove compartment and a smudge of blood on the armrest. when we asked her, she said that she always has bandaids in the car and has no idea how the blood got there. "maybe since he has lots of scares and he's always scratching" (doesn't he sound like a prize ladies?) she swears that she is clean (2weeks) and plans on staying that way. sooooo, off she went to work. i did remind her that she gets tested every monday, and it will show up if she used, but she promises that she didn't. when will i ever be able to believe her and trust her again. i don't know if she's lieing or not. this is nuts. love and peace, sharon thanks for listening God help our kids and us
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03/28/2012 07:22 PM
mehman
mehman  
Posts: 3050
Group Leader

No my dear your not stupid you, just want to believe and trust but unfortunately with an addict it takes a long time for them to get sober again, be trusted and healthy. You hang in there and I wouldn't let her use my car again. You don't want her to be driving high and hit someone. It is the same as driving drunk and if she were to hurt someone she would go away for a long time. A woman was driving under the influence of RX meds a yr or two ago and hit a mother, her daughter and her daughter's friend and they died. The mom was taking the two girls to school..this happened in a nearby state...prayers for your and your daughter.

03/29/2012 07:52 AM
sadmom99
sadmom99  
Posts: 331
Member
I'm an Advocate

I agree with mehem!! You, are not stupid for feeling or thinking this way. I hate the feeling of not being able to believe a word out of someones mouth, it is exhausting to say the least. The one thing all us mom's can and should trust is our gut instinct. Mine hasn't steered me wrong thus far with my kids.

03/29/2012 01:10 PM
Pen125
Pen125Posts: 177
Member

This story sounds like so many of my brother's stories. They were never true regarding the "I don't use". If she hangs out with people who are using, she is using. My father used to test my brother without warning. There were quite a few times that the test showed negative to heroin use, but guess what..

03/29/2012 03:01 PM
islandcat
islandcat  
Posts: 2672
Senior Member

I could be wrong but my understanding was it doesnt stay in the system that long. So if she just quits for a few days it might show negative. I am assuming this is done with urine and she might have a supply somewhere. Sorry again a mom who has been fooled too many times. I also came to the conclusion if I had to ask myself if they were lieing then the chance was they were. I couldnt believe one thing that my son said.

03/30/2012 04:49 AM
infoneeded
Posts: 286
Member

Sec..

I am surely not one to give advice as I am only 10 days into this nightmare but I went through my granddaughters room .. under her dresser, under her bed..even in Barbies dollhouse in the closet..pot.. needles...lighters... heroine packs empty and full.. I tore that room apart so if you found those items in your car...trust me.. she was using..

Good luck and it took until yesterday for her to get a negative result.. 10 days from the day we caught her..

Good luck.. I feel for you..


03/30/2012 02:26 PM
sec
 
Posts: 901
Member

thanks guys,

i don't know what to think. i checked her arms when she got home. looked ok but maybe she shot somewhere else. she seemed ok, but i have missed it before. i want so desperately to believe her, but i have been fooled so many times. she gets tested tomorrow at the doctors, so i guess i just wait and see (and pray). who knows. she still wants to see that a..h..., but it looks like he may be headed to jail soon. i know i shouldn't wish jail on anyone, i know he too is someones kid, but i can't help myself. maybe she will be able to concentrate on herself if he's out of the way for awhile. who knows. please God help our kids love and peace, sharon


03/30/2012 07:52 PM
Artiste
Artiste  
Posts: 125
Member

Sharon, do they witness the tests at the doc? I know my son was able to "test clean" through various tricks of the trade many many times. Opiates generally stay in the urine for about 36 to 48 hours (so I've heard) but probably if they really push the fluids it could cut down the time as well as dilute the specimen. The last time he went to rehab I found baggies of pee in our car. Talk about gross! I also heard the "don't know where the blood came from" b.s. too.. He is now 2 1/2 years clean, and we have had many talks about the lies he would tell me. And sadly, even though it's been that long, and we have a good relationship and can talk, etc., I STILL have trust issues. It's much much better, but there is still that little voice that wonders... I sometimes think it will always be like that...

03/30/2012 08:13 PM
Measha
Measha  
Posts: 1195
Group Leader

Sharon, Every time I trust my son, something happens to ruin it. I try to follow my gut instinct. It usually isn't wrong. And if you are finding it in your car when it wasn't there before, something is surely amiss. I told my son that if I find it, I will believe what the evidence shows rather than what he says. Stay strong. If it is in your car, house, anything that belongs to you..it is your right to question it. Trust is so hard to regain. I am praying for your daughter tonight. Pam
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