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02/13/2012 08:43 PM

Lost Mama...update...

lostmama
 
Posts: 32
Member

Just a reminder that I have been raising my heroin addicted daughter's daughter since she was born in June of 2010. I have loved her, provided for her, at my age...it has not been easy! but..I have done it with my whole heart. Never once did my daughter or her boyfriend ever pay for a diaper...food...ANYTHING! During her last stint in rehab - we had a heart to heart about it was going to all or nothing with the baby. Coming in and out of her life all the time...doing heroin while she slept in the same room...many things made...makes her a terrible parent...which breaks my heart to say...to admit to. She chose nothing as she relapsed again...don't know where she is...etc. blah blah blah. Well...during the last few months, I learned that my sister and her husband are unable to have children. They both have excellent careers, a wonderful home, goals, and excellent morals. And...never once did they hold judgement on my situation...they love my grandbaby so much. We all talked and I have made a decision that they will be adopting her. I am so sad and happy at the same time. I will finally be able to be grandma...not mama. I will get to be a huge part of her life and at the same time my sister and her husband...who deserve a wonderful child like this...will be blessed with her! I feel like this is the only positive thing that has come from the pain of what my daughter has put all of us through. I gave my daughter almost two years of chances to get it together...I know in my heart this is the right thing for all of us. I will continue to pray for my daughter and my sister has committed to allow her to see the baby when she is clean and sober for a period of time...thanks for listening Smile
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02/14/2012 09:13 AM
pattB
 
Posts: 6628
Group Leader

Lostmama good to see you post. Wow... first let me say i am so proud of you as a person, MaMa, Grandma and sister! Your love for all has been so amazing. Has your daughter agreed to this? Do you expect any problem? You have full custody right? But will they still need your daughters permission? I think it is a sound decision and I know in small ways if not large your heart is breaking. You have been through so much and not that that sweet little thing has been a burden but you really did not plan it. You have truly amazed me with your strength, love and courage. Love, Patti

02/14/2012 09:37 AM
pattB
 
Posts: 6628
Group Leader

Happy Valentines Day to everyone! Love, patti

02/14/2012 11:29 AM
islandcat
islandcat  
Posts: 2672
Senior Member

Oh Lostmama what a wonderful person you are and such a great plan. Out of all the pain and misery your daughter has put you through a ray of happiness has come from this. I wish you much happiness from this and you made the best decision. Hugs and love to you, Lynda

02/14/2012 07:27 PM
lostmama
 
Posts: 32
Member

Thank you Patti and Lynda. I have guardianship of Lyla...but have not severed their parental rights...praying...praying...praying and giving so many chances over and over in hopes of them...mainly my daughter getting clean. At this point...the baby is in my sisters care....all paperwork has been submitted. My daughter and her loser of a boyfriend will be given the option to sign the paperwork..they won't...they won't even answer the door for anyone to be served papers because they will probably be afraid of being arrested for something. The custody hearing for my sister is in just a few weeks and full adoption in just a few months. Their parental rights will "thanking GOD" will be severed... They will never go to court to fight for her...they are so far gone. It is the right thing. I am sooo sad..DEVASTATED that the wonderful child isn't here with me but I know it is right for everyone. My 15 year old and I are spending good time together... we are super sad and mourning Lyla not being here...but we are going to be okay. We had a really fun antivalentines day party today! Just girls...movies...munchies and we skyped with Lyla...it was wonderful! We know it is the best thing for her. As for Malyssa...the addict...we will continue to mourn for her. But in a weird way...and I don't want anyone to say this is a negative...not but not looking at Malyssa's twin of a baby...those amazing eyes every day will be good for me...Good for us.

02/14/2012 09:49 PM
islandcat
islandcat  
Posts: 2672
Senior Member

lostmama please never think anyone of us would take what you say negative, we of all people would never judge you. I so hear what you are saying about looking in the eyes. That would be a constant reminder of the child who was, you did the biggest thing anyone could do, you gave a new life to someone, you shared the love of this child. It brings me to tears just reading your posts. You are an amazing person, I hope you will enjoy the time you have with your 15 year old and can find some peace and yet can still visit your grandchild. Other than the hell your daughter has created for you, my friend you earned some peace, I will think of you everyday. Hugs Lynda

02/15/2012 09:57 AM
pattB
 
Posts: 6628
Group Leader

Sounds like it was a fun good party. I do not recall hearing your grandchild's name before. Lyla I love it. I agree with Lynda in her ideas of enjoying your other child. Your a good Mom and no one here would fault you or think anything neg. of you. Honestly you have shown the most amazing strength and try as I might to understand how all this must of been for you, in all truth I cannot get all of its complexities nor do I know, if I would have had the grace and selflessness of you. You are one amazing strong woman and I support you in this very special time of healing and perhaps joy for Lyla. Love Patti

Post edited by: pattB, at: 02/15/2012 09:59 AM


02/15/2012 07:45 PM
lostmama
 
Posts: 32
Member

There is no one in my world that understands. I am so grateful I have met you.

Thank you ladies.

We are in this together. Thank you sooo much for your support kindness and love.

Debra


02/15/2012 07:58 PM
Measha
Measha  
Posts: 1212
Group Leader

Debra, You are a wonderful, giving angel. And your granddaughter is blessed to have a grandmother such as you. Pam
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