Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

My son, who is 30 and recently left his fiancee to move in with my divorced ex sent all of his close family a facebook message. He disclosed that he is a cough syrup addict, is a heavy drinker, and is on seroquel. The family and I met with him to share our concerns. I am placing his letter here for you all to comment on:

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I have alot on my mind right now and I think it's time I spoke up. I just wanted to let all of you know what is going on with me. I don't want to scare you but I feel like I am in a very bad state of mind and I want to do better.

I am a cold medicine addict. I have been for about three years now. I was first introduced to it from a friend and I thought it was a cool idea. I've been drinking roughly 6-8 oz of generic tussin daily for a high. It helps sedate me. I haven't fallen asleep sober in a very long time. I have done some mild damage to my liver because of it. I have also done outpatient rehab programs and NA/AA meetings to try to fix myself but it hasn't worked. I can't cope with people and the outside world unless I am stabilized and for a very long time I have been self-medicating in an attempt to re-invent a euphoric high I used to have when I took ritalin as a teenager. Currently I am working with a doctor to try to find something that will help me deal with people at my job because I genuinely dislike my career.

I am incredibly depressed and not sure what I am doing with my life. I'm struggling with a myriad of emotions right now and am completely terrified. Among these emotions are bisexuality and I am terrified of what I am and becoming. When I was 13 I had a friend who molested me and tried to drown me in a public pool. I don't know if this attributes to what I'm feeling right now but adds to it. I am not trying to assess myself but rather give you a general outlook of what I have become over the years because I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I don't want this to come across as a cry for help because it isn't, but rather it is an explanation of who I am and where I have come.

I met a girl on World of Warcraft chat and we will be meeting on Valentine's Day. She is an orphan and has had a rough life. Her father figure of nearly a decade died two days ago and she is in alot of pain. Everyone's parents seem to be dying right now. I have always had a strong yearning to be with someone and we have clicked and I want to visit her for a week. If this works she may relocate here in time and I would genuinely want to start my life over with her. I can't live my life the way I am much longer and I need to take this trip to North Carolina for the sake of my health. Nothing will stop me from going.

I don't want anyone to call my phone, or take me to a clinic, or to interrupt my lifestyle or whatever I'm doing. I am writing this as an explanation for why I am going to North Carolina in two weeks, how this coincides with my 30th birthday, and what has led up to this point. I am very high right now, I go to sleep high, this was a very clear reason why my finacee and I broke up.

This was incredibly difficult to write.

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This has thrown my life into turmoil. Can you offer any advice? Thank you

He is admitting he has a problem ..thats a great first step ..Now what does he want to do to correct it ? can he quit on his own ..I dont think .... maybe he can go to detox & get the help he needs ... keep posting .... As a mother of a son who is now in recovery ..Its scarry & takes all your energy away .. venting really helps ..believe me ..Ive done this alot on this site with all these wonderful Mothers .......Hugs trish ,,Lets go Steelers

He says to us that he does not want help. We spent 2 hrs talking with him yesterday, the whole family and got nowhere. We had blocked his car with our car so he had to stay. He blames everything on my 2bd husband and I. I told his father that my gut was to call for an emergency eval and see if we could get him in a program. He does not even care that he could hurt someone when DUI.

then you need to detach ..Im sorry but either tell him that you will support him ..if he gets clean but if he doesnt you will not enable him in any way ..... you did good yesterday .....

Don't let the "guilt trip" get to you either. These kids are pro's at trying to always make it everyone elses fault, and don't want to take responsibility for their own choices. My son, always tried to make out like I had done something wrong, but NOW I turn it around and try to make him accountable for his own actions. The choices they are making are theirs, and they have to take responsiblity for it on their own. It has nothing to do with us, or the way we raised them as parents. This is just a "tool" they use to get what they want. Don't fall for it.

On the other hand, if he does not want help or to change, then unfortunately there really isn't anything you can. You can be there to support him emotionally and encourage him to get help, but you almost have to detach from him, and not enable him and help him with this lifestyle and addiction. Detaching is hard, but can be done. I support my son in his desire for recovery but will not assist or enable him with his addiction.

Hang in there.

Shari

You have to detach from him. He's already told you he doesn't want to get help. There is nothing you can do except go down with him.

We had a crisis last night. My son decided to have a last hurrah before going cold turkey from the cough medicine. Now I have to say this is what I was told as his father did not deem it necessary to call me when he took our son to the ER. My son woke hois father up complaining that his head felt funny and he was having trouble breathing. He was kept in the ER, had blood work and was honest with the drs about what he did. This morning he called his EAP for help and is waiting for the psychiatrist assigned to him to call. I think I am rambling, sorry. As it stands now son is against therapy but is willing to see a psychiatrist for help. Again this is second hand info, as I was not present. I am sort of angry for ex not calling me. Thank You

Kinder, sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I dont see what a psychiatrist will do for him, other that put him on meds. It is usually their answer for everything. Why is he against therapy, I dont think he honestly wants to give this all up. I can understand you being angry with your ex but until your son says enough,you are probly better off not knowing. That is how I would see it, I know my daughter has done some really dumb stuff and I just rather not know. Love Tee.