Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

You sound like you know what you're talking about. Thanks for checking it out. XOXOXO

To Island cat, I will not only send you my son, I will send his wife and three children. How are the schools in Canada?

Have a happy Sunday, oh it is Sunday.

norma

It is tough when these kids have records. But as my sister and I say, it seems like almost everyone has some sort of a record. They just need to be honest when looking for a job. My sister used to work at a police department and the captain would tell applicants to tell the truth right away because it can be talked out. If they find out when they do a background check, it is worse. So best to be truthful.

Lori, I'm sorry that the rehab that he was sent to did not work out for him. But hopefully he will get the help he needs and things will get better. I continue to pray for everyone on this forum. We can all use the prayers!

I'm comforted and saddened at the same time realizing how many of us are going through the same issues/struggles with our "kids".

I know when my daughter would call begging for money or giving me another one of her made up stories; i stopped answering the phone. If your son is in rehab and calling for you to pick him up I would try to not answer the phone. You know he is safe and if you are his one way ticket out then I would ignore the calls. Tell him you love him but that right now you are needing time to take care of yourself. Can you call his counselor and speak with him/her? I know when someone is in rehab and you, not the insurance company, are paying, they will do everything to keep them in if they know you have money. If you are paying and signed the guarantee, they will call you if he leaves against medical orders.

Is there a family week at his rehab? If so, tell your son that you need that part and to stay in till atleast then. Typically, that is half way in their stay or longer and typically they have settled in to the routine and calmed down by then. Explain to him, if he doesn't already know that during the family week he will have the opportunity to yell, scream or whatever at you and say what is on his mind but until then you will be unavailable by phone....heck tell him you have a sick relative or something and have to go out of town. My opinion is that for all the lies our addicted kids have told us and hurt us with, we have every right to tell a few white lies if it will "help" them get clean and also help us keep our sanity. The difference in their lies and our white lies is that theirs only benefit themselves while ours benefit them and us.

Easier said than done and believe me What works for one may not work for another but with my daughter i finally, after more than two years of sheer hell, just had to go with the ultimate tough love and stop allowing her to control me. I told her i loved her and always will but to contact me when she was clean and had a respectable life again. There isn't a day I don't think of her and I will admit I am thankful for the internet bc I can see her posts on facebook, lol, but for the first time in years I am able to concentrate on my other kids and husband all of which I almost lost due to my "addiction" of worrying and trying to fix my daughter. It's not easy at times and I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing but for now for the first time in a long time, I have a sense of peace.

Stay strong, keep venting, talking, and lets all hope our "kids" will find their way back.

Norma we have great schools here, send them up. They will have to shovel horse poop. Sadmom I think you have done a fantastic job, I dont think you could have done it any differently. Good on you, time for us to heal.

There is not a person on this site that has failed their kids in anyway, we all did the best we could and why is it that you can raise two in the same household and one be doing well. We do not see the whole picture yet, What if in the future, our kids become drug counselors or Doctors or nurses, or just great parents. What if they become thoughtful and polite and giving people, what if they choose to work with the elderly or save animals. The journey is not over and if we could see that hope and grace in the future we might feel differently about the journey. right now. Even those that have lost a child, maybe this lifetime is not all there is and maybe they become angels to the addicts present or in another lifetime should there be such a thing as reincarnation. Repeat after me.

(or don't) "I am a good mother,(father) I hold space for my child to find Gods will and to be happy and free from their addiction, and for our relationship to heal, I hold space for others who think it is a parenting/home problem to be enlightened, as this is not so..Ho."

Post edited by: pattB, at: 01/09/2011 11:47 AM

"I am a good mother, I hold space for my child to find Gods will and to be happy and free from their addiction, and for our relationship to heal, I hold space for others who think it is a parenting/home problem to be enlightened, as this is not so..Ho

I like that picture of you...better than holding a turkey! have a great day, you great Mom!

sadmom. Yes. Let's all hope our kids will find their way home and to adulthood with peace, sanity and love. I just told my son today, "yesterday is a cancelled check. Let it go. Think about today. Today you have the chance to my the decision.". Today was a good day for him. He is working on believing tomorrow will be better and he is facing jail time (for a couple of months). One day at a time.

Toni

I'm sorry Toni, Sadmom and all. It's sounds like such a cycle. I know my niece calls all the time for money and whenever she goes to Detox calls everyone for rides to get picked up. She's an adult and has not yet been in a long term drug treatment program. She has gotten rides home from family members from Detox. I tried once to tell the counselor she has nowhere to go and should makes calls for inpatinent treatment. I hope everyone in the family will stay firm.

It's so hard to make these tough decisons but I know we must for their sake. It's sad that it comes to jail or their life but I guess that's the best we can do in giving them a chance at life, that one day they could see and pick up the pieces. Best of luck ladies, Rachele

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 01/09/2011 03:38 PM