Parents of Addicts Online Support Group

Hi: I am new to this particular group, but not mdjunction. I am writing for support. My son is addicted to pain pills. The lies, the deceit, the anguish and frustration is sometimes unbearable. My son is 30 year's old, married and is putting his marriage through hell----not that his wife is easy to live with anyway. But overall, no one deserves this kind of pain. To see my son go through this is just terrible. He has no health insurance, so where does anyone go who doesn't have health insurance for help. I've sent him money western union in the past and I can't do it anymore. I am not really helping him to come to terms with his addiction and my husband would be so upset with me if he knew that I had sent money in the past. I'm a mother and it hurts to see my son in this position. Is there anyone out there who is in a similar situation?

Hunkydorie....sorry to hear that things are so tough right now. All of us here do know what it is like to watch your child struggle with something that you have no control over. And, addiction is so tough on your other important relationships (with spouse, other children etc.) You are correct that sending him money isn't the answer, as it may be giving him the ability to buy more drugs and not fixing the problem in any way.

Are you in the U.S.? If so, I'd contact United Way for suggestions. they can tell you what resources are available in your area for little to no charge. I am in Kentucky, and found a local program which took my son inpatient for 10 days and charged him only $20.00. It was a 'non-medical detox' as he wasn't in deep enough to need medications to get him off of the drugs. They hooked him up with local support groups etc. so that he had a plan in place when he got out...and he lived in a state sponsored halfway house until he felt able to return home. Most states have some type of program that the court system works through...and even if your son isn't in any type of legal trouble (yet)..he may be able to get help through these resources. Please contact me any time. Read through the diaries and I'm sure you will find that many here are living the same nightmare and can relate and offer you some support and suggestions. No one is here to judge you or your son. We all love an addict...so we understand the tourment of the decisions and pain surrounding their abuse. Hugs, Tracy

i heard this last night at al-anon: we didn't cause the addiction, we can't control it, we can't cure it. not especially words that will make you feel any better but they are simple, wise truths. for what it's worth, i too do the western union/quietly keeping it from the husband. it puts us in the middle of more drama and stress because we now hold both secrets and shame. please listen to those who are in a better place right now than me-- but know you are in my thoughts and i do hope you find some peace. alex

i hope that you've read thru this site and know that you are not alone by any means...we all are here for basically the same reason....as hard as it may be and as cruel as it seems, you are going to have to stop financing him...my husband and i were as guilty as the next person for enabling our daughter...all it does it prevent them from hitting bottom sooner..the sooner he reaches out for help, the better everyone's life will be...we are all there for you...take care...janine

I know how much your heart is breaking over your son. We will always have that feeling that we have to take care of our children, no matter what their age. Like the others said, you need to stop sending him money that he probably using for drugs. He does need to hit bottom before he will ask for help. This is something that he and his wife need to address together. If talking to your son doesn't help, try talking with his wife and see if the both of you together can talk with him about his addiction and getting help.

If he denies it or gets angry, there is nothing you can do but wait it out with him until he is ready. Just let him know that you love him and will be there to support him but that you won't enable him any longer.

I will pray for you and your family that you get to have peace in your heart. hugs, jenn