Parents & Bipolar Online Support Group

Hi everyone, I just needed to have a vent about a situation that just happened and maybe get some input to see if i really am being unreasonable. My hubby and I split two years ago, we have two kids aged 6 and 4. He has them every second weekend and every tuesday night. This weekend was my weekend. I have been struggling with finding the correct meds and feeling very unstable and depressed. I woke yesterday morning with a huge ulcer on my tongue that made it painful to talk, eat, drink or even just swallow my own saliva! On top of that I was dealing with feeling very depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I called me ex asking if he could possibly take the kids for the day, but of course, he was busy. Whilst on the phone to him i learnt he started four weeks of holidays as of yesterday. He tells me he's busy painting his house. Now, I have painted his house with him before, its a tiny house and you could paint it in a few days on your own......and he has FOUR WEEKS OFF!!! But whatever, I didnt want to argue so i just left it. Last night I came down with a tummy bug and have spent the whole night on the toilet (yeah, I seem to be copping it all this weekend!). And my ulcer has grown to twice the size of yesterday. I sent him a msg asking him if he could possibly take the kids today, but of course he was 'busy' again. Now this time I let him have it. He knows about my struggle with bipolar at the moment, and I told him that if the tables were turned I would be alot more supportive. That its not about me, its about the kids. That he has four weeks to paint his f*****g house and it would be nice to have some support!! Now apparently I use emotional blackmail and twist things around to get my own way!! He agreed to come and get them, and then he starts arguing with me in front of the kids, which he knows i absolutely refuse to do. Im so stressed out atm, and I feel awful sending my kids where they r obviously not wanted. Do you think im being unreasonable? I mean, they are his kids too right? And i have always dropped everything to help him out if the kids were involved! Thanks for listening to my rant

I'm sorry it has taken so long to get a response, I am just seeing this post. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, he is after all the father of your children and his responsibilities to them did not end with your divorce. I can understand you feeling bad about sending the kids with him when he doesn't really want them there though. Is there anyone else that they can stay with (like a grandparent or other family member) when you aren't feeling well? I hope that you are able to find the right meds soon and start feeling better.

Thanks for the reply. The thing that shits me the most is he seems to think he is doing me the favour.....doesnt seem to get that its actually helping his kids! My mum and dad are usually more than happy to help out, they were just busy that day and with him being on holidays i stupidly thought he would like to spend more time with them.

unfortunately, a lot of divorced parents think that they only have to take care of the kids on "their weekend". Our responsibility as parents to look after our children does not end when a marriage does! It is sad that your ex would rather paint his house than spend time with his kids during his vacation time.

yeah.....my thoughts exactly

I fell for you chev, my ex and I parted ways five years ago, now he only visits them when the children holiday with his grandparents in Sydney on school holidays. My daughter now has a mi-raid of problems and who cops it, I do. Then the ex has the nerve to point his finger at me and says its my lack of discipline and routine that is causing the problems. Perhaps there is some validity to this claim bipolar doesn't exactly help the situation and I am still on the road to being stable.

I wish I could have some encouraging words or some wonderful epiphany to share with you but sadly I don't. It simply comes down to these Fathers waking up and realizing before its too late. Being a parent is not a right its a privileged. Our children will grow to become adults and they will look back and remember who it was that attended their school and sporting events, who picked them up when they fell, who held them when they cried for their absent parent, who sat with them and did their homework, who told them I believe in you, who read them bed time stories, baked cakes and played with them in the park and there is so much more we do as mums. I pray that our children's Fathers will wake up before they miss out.

Sadly I think they do think this is some kind of power struggle, control and manipulation instead of realizing we mums feel our children's pain and only want them to have a Dad not some of the time but all of the time, even if we no longer have a relationship with their Dad.

Pm me any time its tough being a single parent with bp and dealing with an ex that does not support. I remind my ex that if lets me down he lets these children down, I need more then just child support, I need my children to feel secure and especially when I am unwell, I need you to step up and be their for them, but sadly his career and his needs out way his children's.I know he will one day realize but once the time is gone there is no going back and getting it back but there will be plenty time for regret.

I hope things look up, and know this you are doing a wonderful job, being a single mum with bipolar, your really amazing. I know.

Post edited by: lisaellen, at: 03/30/2012 05:30 AM

Thanks for the kind words. It sounds like your ex is alot worse than mine! Mine may b an arrogant so and so, but i know i can count on him to b there when he is 'supposed' to be. The fact that he says they are his responsibility on his days and mine on my days shits me, but there is no changing his mind. Im done asking him for help coz it gets thrown in my face about how i should b able to cope (ive asked him for extra help four times in two years!). I guess im very lucky that i have other ppl i can rely on when i need it, i know alot of parents dont.

Like you say, the kids will get older and remember who was there for them when they needed it. My biggest worry is that if they rebel as teenagers they will choose to live with him as he has no 'rules' and lets them run amuck and do what they want.

Your reply really helped me Sounds like your doing a wonderful job too. Being a bipolar parent is bloody hard work!!