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10/25/2011 07:26 PM

Have you been affected by Parent allienation?

kball
kball  
Posts: 940
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello everyone I am Kris. Parent allienation,wow I did not even know what those words meant until 3 yrs. ago. Now I have seen its pain and the devastation it causes.

The pain of a mother losing her son is horrible enough but when you lose a son to another parent just because the other parent is telling your son lies about you and convincing him you are evil and not being able to convince your son of the truth breaks your heart. It makes you feel helpless and hopeless beyond measures.

The pain and destruction it causes to the other siblings is unnoticed at the time because of the hell you are caught up in with the son you are slowly but surely losing.

Parent Alienation can tear a part a family and cause mental harm to everyone involved,so much that the individuals are never the same again.

I would like to hear from others who are experiencing this or who have ,or know someone.

This will be a safe and friendly place to vent and to find support and compassion and respect for the issues related to this subject. Personal Mess. me anytime or post anytime, I will respond because you are not alone, you have a friend,me!!!

Kris

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12/13/2011 10:53 AM
susank5225
 
Posts: 10
New Member

Hi Kris, I just posted today. I know where you are coming from I tried so hard to keep this whole divorce thing civil (gave him everything and took all the debt) just so he would "play nice" and leave the kids out of it. He has made it a living hell ever since luckily my boys somewhat see through some of what he does but it has caused some strain in our relationships. And my heart breaks when I see the tears in their eyes from the aggravation of dealing with his tirades. I pray everyday for God to keep there hearts and minds safe and to avenge all the pain my ex has caused us. Don't give up hope for your son, kids are smart and they do see the truths amongst the lies.Never give up hope and pray pray pray!! God knows your heart and your pain.

12/15/2011 05:40 AM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Welcome to the group susan5225!! Glad you found us. I know it is horrible to see the tears of your children and know their in pain feel helpless. I actually am on here because of my best friend's situation. She is going thru it everyday and it breaks my heart to see the pain this family is going thru,especially the children involved. Well they are teens now but they are confused ,angry ,hurt,and in pain. It is a horrible situation and the father never stops hurting them. I feel helpless and so does my friend,we keep praying,thank God we have that!!! We keep hoping it changes. We are afraid time is running out,the boy is getting more bitter and turning against his mother more and more everyday. When I first met him ,he couldn't stop hugging her and smiling ,he was such a happy boy ,now he never smiles when you see him,and he refuses to even be around his mother,it is a shame. We use to laugh and have bar-b-ques and talk but he doesn't say anything to me either because I am friends with her. For some reason that only the father knows she is the enemy. God knows the truth!!! Thanks for being here to listen.

Kris


04/09/2012 09:34 PM
nosuchthing
Posts: 1
New Member

PARENT ALIENATION SYNDROME DOESN'T EXIST. IT WAS A THEORY CREATED BY RICHARD A. GARNER WHO WAS A PEDOPHILE PROMOTER AND ANTI-WOMAN. IT IS NOT A PSYCOLOGICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC DISORDER. HE WAS A FATHER'S RIGHT'S ACTIVIST. THAT WHY MOTHERS LOSE CUSTODY TO THEIR CHILDREN OVER PAS BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING TO USE AGAINT A MOTHER WHO TRIES TO PROTECT HER CHILDREN. I LOST CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN BECAUSE OF PAS. BECAUSE MY EX HUSBAND MOLESTED MY OLDEST DAUGHTER WITH HOSPITAL RECORDS TO BACK IT UP ABD CPS FOUND REASON TO BRLIEVE THERAPISTS BELIEVED HE MOLESTED HER. HE FAILED POLYGRAPH. BUT WASNT INDIGHTED BECAUSE HIS ATTORNEY WAS MARRIED TO PROSECUTOR. SO BECAUSE OF A NO BILL THE JUDGE GRANTS HIM CUSTODY AND IM LABLED WITH PAS FOR PROTECTING MY KIDS??? PAS DOESN'T EXIST BUT CORRUPTION DOES. WHERE ARE THE SUPPORTERS FOR CHILDREN. PEOPLE TGAT QUIT LABELING PROTECTIVE MOTHERS WITH PAS AND LETTING PEDOPHILES WALK AROUND IN SOCIETY??????

04/10/2012 11:02 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Welcome to our support group. I am here to tell you that a psychologist diagnosed my best friends son with PAS,his father is alienating him against his mother. It is tragic for the entire family. The boy literally went from loving his mother to now hating her and wants nothing to do with her or his sister.

I am sorry you have been hurt and have lost your kids. There is nothing like that pain.

Your opinion is respected on MDJ,but so is everyone else.

My friend's case has gone to family court where they did recognize the shrink's evaluation of the boy as PAS. Let's hope it does get recognized more so these kids who have been brainwashed into hating good parents turns permanent and these kids grow up with hate and have emotional turmoil over it.

Kris


04/21/2012 10:47 PM
QuietConnie
Posts: 14
Member

Whether or not the name is appropriate, I can so relate to the phenomenon of parental alienation syndrome as my daughter's father is turning her against me and it has nearly destroyed me. My story is so painful that I can not even type it out right now, but there is a part of me that has already died due to this situation and I have the deepest empathy for anyone else going through it. Especially if they are a good parent and the other parent is behaving the way they are out of maliciousness and spite with a lack of caring about how it affects the child(ren).

Post edited by: QuietConnie, at: 04/21/2012 10:47 PM


04/23/2012 08:33 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I am sorry for what it is happening with your daughter. I am so sorry for the pain you are in,there are no words to describe it I am sure. Don't give up,there is hope. My friend has been to court so many times and her ex still has her son ,and the son says he hates her,but through her tears she is not giving up because she knows that if her son grows up with all that bs about her in his head he will have a very sad and unproductive life. Kids need to think good about both parents and be able to love both parents or it affects them later as adults. Already he has changed from a happy to one that is frowning and mad all the time.

Finally the courts are putting her ex husband in jail for not making the boy go to her for her 50% custody. She has never let him forget that she is his mom and loves him. Now she hopes to change his perception of her that he got from his dad. She never gave up hope and now things are looking good for her and her son.

My youngest son si wanting me in his life but he is in turmoil form the hurt of the past. He is seeking spiritual guidance and I hope through this he will have me back in his life.

Like you my heart aches for my sons. I have faith and I know in God's time he will bring me back my sons.

You are in my prayers.

Kris


04/26/2012 07:13 PM
QuietConnie
Posts: 14
Member

Kris, thank you so much for your encouraging words and prayer Smile Perhaps someday my situation will turn around too.

05/14/2012 07:26 AM
targetmom
 
Posts: 21
New Member

Dear nosuchthing,

I certainly can feel the passion in your text message, If my experience had been like yours, I would probably believe some of the sensationized and zealous things I had read about Dr. Gardner on the internet. But even you must be somewhat suspicious that it is so dramatic and there are so many quotes, that you know are taken out of context. At the time Dr. Gardner identified the the disturbance; that one parent could turn children against the other parent, was during a time when most mothers' were automatically granted custody, therefore it was inevitable that he saw more cases of PAS from mothers. Today 50% of alienating parents are mothers and 50% of them are fathers. Dr. Gardner testified passionately on behalf of women when the alienator was the father. Yet the critisim that he was anti-women still exists, long past his death. Since then, the scientifc community has provided parents with a plethora of rich, true information about PAS and also ways to fight it. For more information about Dr. Gardner, visit www. warshack.com, Dr. Warshak discusses the contraversies surrounding PAS, in a highly objective and empathetic manner.

PLease don't throw our babies out with the bathwater. Yes, Judges make mistakes, the courts often make things worse and many mental health and legal professionals are undereducated, eventhough their professional associations do not question the existence of PAS and require continuing education on the subject. I've been fighting for my son for over 2 years now. The courts are slow and ignorant, the law enforcement in my area will not support my physical placement rights. My brilliant, talented son, is now a self-destructive tragedy, and all I can do is watch and suffer. We all care about the same thing, the safety and well-being of our children. I agree with NJ we need to stand together.

One point of clarification: NJ stated that PAS doesn't exist is cases of real abuse. How I read this statement is that children can be alienated from a parent for reasons other than the other parent turning them against them. That is, alienation is justified against a true child abuser. Parental alienation is alienating and rejecting a parent for that is unjustified, the rejected parent didn't do anything to the child. But the child has been brainwashed into thinking the rejected parent is bad.

Hope this helps in some small way.

Kay


05/30/2012 06:51 PM
TinkerBell01
TinkerBell01  
Posts: 55
Member

I am the daughter of a mother who tried to put me against my father. She was successful for a time. When I was child, I believed the things she would say. She did it all the time.

"Your father is a monster, Your father hates his family, Our life is destroyed because of your father, your father is ugly I wish I had married a better looking man, I was in love with someone else but it didn't work out so your father convinced me to marry him instead, what a mistake..." just to name a few examples.

She did that from the time that I was a small child. Unfortunately for her, as I was growing up and entered my teenage years, It seemed that I inherited many of my father's traits. She really hated that so the abuse went from "your father is horrible" to "You are like your horrible father, you are a monster just like your father" and so on.

At that point, I was completely destroyed. I was doing badly in school, I was doing drugs and drinking, I was always away from home. I moved out young and entered a series of bad relationships...

For many years, I never told my father what I endured. He had no idea why I was acting out against both of them. It was only a year ago, at 31 years old and living abroad (That's how far I had to get away from them) that I told him. The reason why I told him was because so many years later, my mom will still continuously have outbursts at me, calling me a "monster and satan just like my father."

I told him because after a fight with her, he called me and got mad at me. I knew then that she was telling him things about me, just like she was telling me things about him.

I told him everything, I told him things that she told me that he had no idea I actually knew, such as that she loved someone else before him.

After that day, he got involved and I think that he managed to start keeping her under control. They are old now, and they need each other. so I suppose she took what he had to say a bit more seriously. I don't know. He doesn't talk about it, but the abuse lessened quite a lot.

I know that this event really affected me very deeply. I also know that no one is perfect. I know that my father never abused me or molested me. He never did anything to hurt me. They might have had their own couple issues but those had nothing to do with me. I also am sure that my mother suffers from depression and refuses to get treatment. She doesn't understand what it is, and simply constantly blames me and my father for her problems.

From personal experience, I want to say to the parents that are victims and going through this, wait a while and don't despair. That is my advice from personal experience. It's unfortunate but I think that when the kids are young, and when they are teenagers, they just can't understand. They don't have the ability to really truly know how life works yet but there will come a time when they are older, when they will ask themselves some questions and perhaps will want to seek answers. I suggest you also try and send them an email or a letter saying that you love them and that even though there is trouble in the family, you will always be there for them. They might not respond now, but keep doing it and eventually, it might click in their head. I don't believe that any child can possibly grow up thinking that he doesn't need his father. (or mother). Keep showing kindness to your kids and someday they will remember it. Good luck to all of you.

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