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04/30/2012 11:30 PM

I dont like feeling like this(page 2)

mariatoth

Ok I will do that, I am just seeing my private doctor tomorrow.
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04/30/2012 11:33 PM
mem6526

It could be hormonal. Do you feel depressed too?

Or is it just an anxious feeling? Are you getting any sleep?


05/01/2012 08:39 AM
mamatrixie
mamatrixie  
Posts: 371
Member

Hey mariatoth, welcome to the group! I'm a stay at home mom of 5 year old twins and I totally get the feeling like you're in some way letting them down. My daughter actually was witness to my first panic attack. I freaked out so she freaked out and was crying and I just couldn't do much to comfort her. It stank. But it's better. I'm better. Kids are resilient and they forget things pretty quickly. Now, every morning I put 10 minutes on the kitchen timer and go to my room to do my breathing. The kids know not to come get me til the timer goes off. It has really done wonders for me. I also do yoga, check in here at least once a day, attend a very supportive church, talk about it openly to my family and do guided relaxation/visualization excercises. I have learned to accept panic and have realized that for me this was my sign to slow the heck down. Less than two months ago I was in your situation. The panic was beating me down every day and I was scared. Now, I still have anxiety and maybe one attack a week that I handle pretty easily. You can do it to. You are a strong woman, a good mother and a fighter. Don't let this worry you. And don't ever feel like a bad wife/mother when you just need a break. It's natural and you deserve it. Hugs and strength to you sister ().

05/01/2012 08:59 AM
AmyGirl
AmyGirl  
Posts: 2078
VIP Member

Hey Mariatoth and welcome to the group!! SO sorry you are having such a rough time. Angel and mamatrixie gave you some really great advice!!! I think once you go to the doctors you will have more answers and reassurance then you will feel much better. Until then just know that things will get better. The racing heart is one of my main symtoms and let me tell you it will go really fast in times of anxiety and panic like 180 bpms. My anxiety and panic is triggered my wacky hormones all the time. So I imagine with you just having a baby this has triggered a lot of your panic attacks.

05/01/2012 03:38 PM
frog44
Posts: 2370
Senior Member

Mariatoth, Hope you are feeling a little better today and have seen your dr and she/he has helped you. I have been where you are at and it is horrible. You came to the right place here and will receive a lot of support Smile I too am a Mom who tries to make everyone happy and sometimes forgets about myself. Hang in there....lots of ((HUGS))!

05/01/2012 05:56 PM
kildare56
kildare56  
Posts: 4146
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

A message to Mariatoth and all other parents out there about kids and parents and good stuff and bad stuff. You worry about the effect things have on your kids and I suppose that's normal enough. I have no kids so I know nothing of such things. I do remember being a kid though and I vividly recall a conversation I had with my mother before she passed away. My mother carried so much guilt for so long about how she had failed us at times. I had never been aware of this. One day I talked to here about childhood experiences the way you do when you get older yourself. During the conversation, I was laughing about a couple of my favorite memories. My mother actually gasped in shock. These were the main two periods that had occupied all her guilt. The view of the child can be so extremely different than that of they parent. The stories themselves are not important other than to us. The point is important to all kids and parents. Perspectives are different. Never punish yourself over things you cannot control when you have no idea of how your child or children are actually seeing the same things. We are punished enough in life. Don't add to it with things about which there is no guilt. You never know. Best wishes.

05/01/2012 06:57 PM
mandieo
 
Posts: 1057
Member

oh kildare you literally made me cry. im still in tears. i take care of my beautiful niece everyday and i always feel like she deserves a better me. one that can take her places and be 100% "on" for her all the time.my guiltconsumes me everyday. but i hope to God youre right. that her perspective is different than mine and that maybe she loves the cozy little world ive built for us. i hope i give her lovely memories despite my disorder. and most of all i hope she can feel just how much i adore her. i couldnt love anything more.

the story about your talk with your mom is just beautiful. i just lost my grandmaa and i would love for her to. have known the things you told your mother about the things you remember. because my childhood was enchanting with her. i would love for her to know that


05/01/2012 07:46 PM
slada
slada  
Posts: 2417
Senior Member

Life suck sometime and when we lost parents,grandmother or someone else its hard.

I know when I lost my dad one part of me die forever and now I lost my mom other part die tooSad(.....I will never be a same nor even I want to change,I love her so much and some people can but I can't accept her death.Time will heal what a b.....it wont we can just learn how to deal with pain.Sorry Kildare for your loss and I can understood you....Sad(

Requrding to Mariat problems I can say just one thing

I got nerve breakdown same year my daughter was born 1996 and I don't know why.I can assume after war was challenge to survive,every fucking day for 8 years and I should not wondering why I am on pills now.So talk with your doctor,my friends are right,maybe you just need some break from all mother duty.....I know I need it too but I didn't have much options,because my dad was sick so my mommy couldn't take care of my kids or to help me with baby and stay in my place and my husband mom didn't want to do it.......

My body just told me.......wait........I can't do it any more,I need break....

Let us know it goes tomorrow,good luckSmile)


05/01/2012 07:51 PM
mem6526

I truly believe that what a child will remember most is if they felt loved and safe. I really think that is what matters most. When a child feels loved I think that is the most amazing thing you can do for a child.

Also allowing them to be themselves and expressing their thoughts and feelings without being judged. That to me is what a child will always remember. Hope that this made sense! Smile


05/01/2012 07:54 PM
mariatoth

I want to thank everyone who has shown me support I am so happy that God has sent me friends like you guys. I cant even begin to explain how much better I feel just by seeing you guys write back to me and understanding my situation I really appreaciate it very much. But I know everyone is woundering what my doctor told me today.. she told me its most likely postpartum depression she told me to go to my obgyn and get my hormone level checked out, so I told her that i could not sleep because of the panic attacks so she gave me Xanax for the panic attacks. I told her I would only drink them if I am having a really bad one because I do not want to get addicted to those pills I dont want to rely on them I know I can get threw this on my own. So today I have been doing so well I dont know if it was just the doctor visit that made me feel better but I have been ok all day and I have not tooken the pill yet but if one day I do get it bad I will take it. Weather I do this on my own or with medicine, either wsy I will get threw this. Thanks again for all your supportSmile
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