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07/06/2011 05:47 AM

Yesterday was not a very good day

janicepv
janicepvPosts: 3263
Senior Member

This is a kinda long one. Dont read it all if you find it boring. Just trying to get a handle on my life again.

1) Yesterday started out with a big bang, literally, at 6 AM. Transformer blew in the backyard and we were without power. So you know the drill - call the electric company, "oh yes, we'll get someone out right away." 2 hrs later, someone comes. Says he cant fix it "we have to get someone out to climb the pole and replace something up there. They should be here shortly."1, 2, 3, 4 hours later - no one. multiple calls to the electric company where their customer reps repeat what they have been instruced to tell us to keep us from having a melt down. "they are on their way. should be there shortly." Trying to stay positive, like Jenny would do. Sat on the front porch (a little cooler than it was in the house) knitting and reading, alternatively. Anyway, 1 PM they arrive and fix it.

2) Then I get on my computer to start work and check the 46 (!) emails that accumulated since 6 AM. One of them is entitled "Oh God" from 9 AM and it's from my BFF. A mutual friend has a 28 y.o. 6 mo. pregnant daughter (her 2nd child) who last week was airlifted to a hospital with headache, vomiting, mental confusion. Was on a ventilator in a medically-induced coma. Then they figured out what she had was a rare pregnancy-induced blood disorder called TTP (you can look it up on google) with a 95% mortality rate. The rest of the week for that family (her mother, father, brother, husband - a very supportive and close, loving family) was spent in the hospital while those of us on the periphery were praying, setting up a schedule for us to bring them dinner every night, and I myself was busy knitting prayer/comfort shawls for both mother and daughter. Well, the "Oh God" email told us all that 28 y.o. Jenny died yesterday morning and the preemie baby is fighting for her life in NICU. The family is devastated. (I know, bad things happen to good people.)

3) Third part of my day now: Husb. comes home from work, says there's a Lions Club meeting tonight, that that the speaker is going to be a mutual friend, a REALLY nice guy who I know because he was my Sign Language teacher about 20 years ago. I recently ran into him and he now lives here in my town and coincidentally is the neighbor of my husb's BFF from the Lion's Club! My friend was going to give a presentation on deafness and sign language and my husb. thought I would enjoy it. I was very glad to accept the invitation and a free meal. I dont get out a lot, so this would be a good thing for me. All was fine until during the meal I see across the table my husb. stop eating and with an expression on his face like he is in trouble. As some of you may know, he has enlarged lymph nodes that are obstructing both his windpipe and his esophagus (food pipe) AND NO ONE CAN FIX HIM OTHER THAN TO PUT HIM ON PREDNISONE. He got up, went to the bathroom and I followed. Said he could breathe but he just felt like some food wouldnt go down, he was producing a lot of mucus which he was unable to swallow. Im terrified and he's remaining calm saying "this will pass." Told me to get back out there and finish dinner and listen to my friend's talk, which I did. We both left immediately after that, leaving everyone in the club wondering what was wrong. Got home, 2 hours later, he's still in distress "but Im a little better" - made himself vomit and then was a lot better. All last night and still this morning I am still traumatized by the incident. He got up, had some trail mix for breakfast, showered and went to work, stating "Im fine."

I think I'll stop now. Got to get back to my work. No need to respond. This is just the only place where I can get it all out, hoping that by getting it out there it might help.

Im tempted to take my 0.5 klonopin (which I take rarely) on a 3-time-a-day dose today, as it was originally prescribed to me.

LORD KNOWS I CANT DRINK CAUSE I GAVE IT UP A MONTH AGO. BYE, BYE CRUTCH.

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07/06/2011 08:11 AM
AmyGirl
AmyGirl  
Posts: 2078
VIP Member

WOw Janice that is a lot. My gosh. No wonder you don't feel well. Well I think this would be a time to take your klonopin. YOU have to take care of yourself so what ever you need to do to do that so be it. Hugs to you dear.

07/06/2011 08:46 AM
Lynn1999
Lynn1999  
Posts: 64
Member

I came across your story today and read the entire thing. I am very sorry for all you've had to go through! I too have severe anxiety and panic attacks. I wish you the best and hope your meds are helping you. Very sorry to hear of the death of your friends daughter, and send prayers for the baby fighting for her life. Sorry to hear of your husbands condition as well. Take care.

07/06/2011 11:54 PM
slada
slada  
Posts: 2417
Senior Member

My dear Jani,see my love how strong person you are and how many stress you had,so I am proud of you because you are still standing on your feet and you don't give up so easy.I hope you learn for Jenny how to be positive and I am tying too but I found something else to do when I am upset and worried.I am so sorry for tragic lost,it is hard to read letter and I can't imagine how you feel.My friend this was God wish and only He know why he take her in Haven.I am sorry hun for your husband,I am scary too because I have enlarged lymph node on both side of my neck.I am sorry Jani for asking you,can they remove some of them so he can breathe better and feel better?

I have a lot of mucous but I am smoker and I am not thinking about my health at all,and worst I am not planing to stop.Darling he needs you support and knowing you he always have.Please stay strong in life,I will try to copy Jenny and you.I am going to some hard time right now and I am planing to stay calm but sometime does not work that way.

Darling nothing is wrong with taking pills,better use them then let your health be in danger because you know heart can't stand so much stress.

I love you and I know you can do it because you are strong,wonderful,heart woman......

Love Slada and think about you every day......let me know how you feeling tomorrowKissing Kissing Kissing

Post edited by: slada, at: 07/06/2011 11:58 PM


07/07/2011 04:11 AM
janicepv
janicepvPosts: 3263
Senior Member

Thank you, Slada, for your love and kind words. I was ok enough that yesterday evening after work husb.and I went to the mall and just walked around, had a yogurt, and bought some specialty tea. Trying to find tea to calm me (yeah, right!). You say I am strong, and I thank you, but i fear I have slid back to square one. I am so fucked but have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other. I hate it. No, they tell us husbs. nodes cannot be removed - too complicated. so for the rest of his life he will suffer (he is 50 yrs. old, as will I. I keep praying, for what it's worth. Again, I have no choice and I hate it. God help me to accept the things I cannot change.

Slada, have you ever been to Medjugorje?


07/07/2011 09:24 AM
danny13
danny13  
Posts: 99
Member

Sorry to hear about your friends, husband and yourself. I just started a thread for the same reason, just to write everything out. Take your meds if you need them. Sending prayers for the baby.

07/07/2011 10:06 AM
janicepv
janicepvPosts: 3263
Senior Member

Thank you, Danny. and I did take the meds. Not needing them so much today (yet).

07/08/2011 08:14 PM
slada
slada  
Posts: 2417
Senior Member

My dear Jani,I didn't but I will recommend you Sveti Vasilije Ostroski,because his body is still there and people coming from all over and He heal many people.It is in Montenegro and I will send you when I found so you can see.It is also part of former Yugoslavia.

Do you know if there is any Monastery in US so you can go?Keep going in church my friend if you can and you will feel light and happy.

http://www.montenet.org/religion/stvasili.htm

Love you a lot


07/08/2011 08:41 PM
slada
slada  
Posts: 2417
Senior Member

http://www.flixya.com/files-photo/T/a/n/Tanja3676142.jpg

http://www.dan.co.me/gfx_bb/Drustvo13052010.jpg

http://www.pouke.org/upload/slike/moje_slike_2/moje_slike_3/ moje_slike_4/kivot_sv._vasilija_ostroskog.jpg

http://www.mondo.rs/slike/vesti/002/058/v205864p0.jpg

Dear Jani many people stay overnight and pray God and St Vasilije for health and I believe He and God will help your husband and you trough this hard time in life.

May you be Bless by God !!!!!

I never been there but I have wish to go some day if God help me get rid of claustrophobia and anxiety!I believe it will but I need to pray God every day.

Kisses


07/09/2011 06:29 AM
janicepv
janicepvPosts: 3263
Senior Member

Slada, thank you so much for sending me the photos and information on St. Vasilije. I am very interested in the lives of ALL the saints. I will certainly ask for his intercession.... in my life and in yours. Much love.
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