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09/03/2010 12:41 PM

This is Long Sorry I need HELP!

leandrat

Ok so I have been a memeber for sometime now of this group and know alot of you on a personal level so I need some help here with a few diffrent things and need some suggestions on what to do about them anything and everything is welcomed and nothing is going to hurt my feelings and if it does that dont mean I dont still love you lol..ok with that said

1. My husband and I have been in fights lately (hard with panic) he is a 4 year clean herion addict, yesterday I went out with him and some of his friends as I go to say good bye to everyone and pick him up (I ran up to the store to get some water) I walked in and two girls and his friend are all snorting Xanax off the table granted my husband did not do any but with that half naked chicks, liqour and drugs he is a felon and weed everywhere. Today I told him to pick me or that group right or wrong that is how I feel right now first things first

Is what I said over board? How can I handle this diffrent he has known this guy for like 15 years but he is not a GOOD person!

2. I cant stop taking my Xanax I have been on a taper for MONTHS now I should have been off two months ago ( my doctor knows I am having problems) I start to come down ( I am at 2-2.5mg a day) I get to around 1.75-1.50 and panic comes full force and it is like everything I have learned is out the window and I feel like I did MONTHS ago and feel like I have lost everything! I think I am addicted to them I make up reasons (like a fight) to take an extra half or that I need to sleep and cant or something, I clock watch and have timmers set to remind me to take them every four hours like the doc ok'ed but now I am back up to 3mg and was at 1.75mg what do I do ? He wants to put me on something to help me come off but I WONT I cant start something else to come off these then what something else to come off that no thanks!

3. I feel so low on my self esteem thought I would never do it I think about death alot and what it would be like to never wake up again I know this is just a bout of depression and as all things this too shall pass but depression is new to me and I am use to panic,anxiety and hard times but not this over whelming sadness I have tried SSRI's and other things I dont like the way they make me feel I just cant stand to take another pill

I am sorry this is so long but for those of you that know me I never ask really and ?'s and I feel as though I need help right now[b]

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09/03/2010 01:14 PM
PhilPhil46
PhilPhil46  
Posts: 11944
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Lee,

That's crazy! First of all if this was a a friend he knows that long, why the hell would he be doing shit around him! I'm sorry that's not a friend looking out for him. I have friends who are recovering addicts, and I would never think of doing shit in front of them, not only is it disrespectful, it's f*cked up as a friend. OMG! As far as the two B*tches! oh hell know! I would have knocked them off the barstool! sorry but I can't see stuff like that and not react badly. Usually after the damage, I reolize it was wrong. Sad Lee, you just proved what self control and stregth you have. I would have a good converation with your hubby, when your not upset and question that unhealthy friendship. He has alot to lose as a felon, as far as the chicks go, just trash, don't even waste a thought on them, but I would set them straight to stay clear of your man. No I think making him make a decision was a good move on your part. The company he's keeping is affecting both of you and is adding unneeded stress on you. Lee don't be affraid to try another med to get off the Xanac, I don't know personally, but my son, just went though that and it worked successfully, I don't even what to tell you how many xanacs he was taking a day. But it was only for a month and he is clean now. Xanacs are very addictive, it has nothing to do with you. I think about death too at times, but only when I am depressed, which isn't often. But if you ever cross that line, that you really thinking about it more than you should, speak to someone right way! We love you too much, to see you put yourself at risk or harm yourself. It's sucks that you have to have this going on in your life right now. When you can, and he is ready to have a conversation and listen, tell him what your feeling, why you think he has to make a choice, and what is he willing to do to meet your request half way. Let him know you care about him and that is why your worried, and upset about the friends he's hanging with. Lee during this rough spot, take care of you. Hope during the weekend, some of thise issues will be resolved. I have to asks you a question? Is your husband supportive of you right now? and your wellbeing? or is he falling back into old behaviors? Come down to this, talk it out with him, come up with something you can both agree on and see where it goes. WinkAngry

Post edited by: PhilPhil46, at: 09/03/2010 01:19 PM


09/03/2010 01:32 PM
leandrat

Well I about lost it but a friend of mine was there and she grabed my arm and told me it was not worth a night in jail that and the police being called and my husband being a felon and all the shit in the house well you can see where that is going but I came close dont get me wrong , and I dont know about next time either, the first thing he did was get off work today and go over there same thing he has been doing for the last week so what am I to think either one he is cheating two he is getting high or three he just cant stand to be around me anymore and uses that place as a place to go away, I tried to talk to him he tells me it the xanax talking and I am not me anymore that he will always be friend with him to get over it! that he wont make the choice I have to and I dont think I need that kind of shit in my life but other than that we are an ok couple is the hard part....

Thanks for taking the time to read that phil I know it was long and I love you guys too and I have tried to call people before when I think I am getting close to the line and my husband takes my phone and tells me to deal with it man up or take myself out no dr or anyone is coming to his HOME and no wife of his is going to a hospital....

About your questions

He was he is not longer wont go with me anywhere always wants to be away from me and out of the house tells me he is to sleepy or tired to go somewhere with me but if a friend calls he jumps up and leaves

I think he is falling back into old things not the drugs maybe but the way he ACTED while he was on them no longer caring about others feelings or emotions

I wrote him a note he refused to read it said I was crazy and that its all the xanax talking thats what he says all the time is its not him its me I dont remember anything that I am diffrent and I am a addict and the xanax make me that way


09/03/2010 02:08 PM
vickiem1124
vickiem1124  
Posts: 1988
VIP Member

1 YOU DID THE RIGHT THING

2 TRY THE DRS WAY CAN'T HURT i MEAN WHATS THE WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN (I AM TALKING TO SOMEONE WITH ANXIETY YOU MOST DEFINITELY HAVE THOUGHT OF THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN)

3 DEPRESSION SUCKS HANG IN THERE


09/03/2010 03:07 PM
PhilPhil46
PhilPhil46  
Posts: 11944
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Lee,

Don't feed into that crap that it's all you. So he doesn't see anything wrong with the friends he's hanging with and those girls. Does he think that is really good for either of you? Your not over reacting! He has no right to stop you from calling friends or your dr. If you ever feel like you need to go to the hospital you better dial 911. I'm hear if you need me Call anytime I'm serious. Try to just relaxs tonight, and take care of you ok girl? Nothing but love for ya.


09/03/2010 03:51 PM
cindersoot1234
cindersoot1234  
Posts: 1183
Senior Member

Hey Lee, Gosh this sucks, but be tuff and don't let him walk all over you. You are the most important one here. He needs to get his shit straight, thats exactally what I would tell him, "Get your shit together cause Im not living lie this".

09/03/2010 05:33 PM
leandrat

thanks guys love you bunches i have cried eatten and now headed to a bath I give up for the day some days you just have to let things go and not take anymore

09/03/2010 06:15 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 17412
VIP Member

I think any woman would be upset to see her partner in that scene and it hurts when they just want to go and be around their friends all the time.

I have chosen two men that have been this way in my life and it sucks. I understand the grief that it puts you through.

Just do the best you can and take care of you. If you need the Xanax maybe you just do. There are worse things in life than taking an anxiety med. If you can stay at that reduced level or work towards that and cope that's great.

Just take it one day at a time.

I hope your guy makes some changes for you so that you can feel better and know he cares about you.

Damsel


09/03/2010 06:45 PM
leandrat

Thank-you I needed to hear its ok to just take my meds

09/04/2010 05:46 AM
ductydawn
ductydawnPosts: 1153
Senior Member

Do you love him?
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