some adive from the outside would be welcommed!

well, besides going through my panic attacks this last 2 months, I have had a bad home situation but on top of that, almost a month ago I picked up my brother from prison after he served 8 months. He's on parole. He is a very abusive person. Basically all he had left was me because of the way he has treated our family over and over and over and he hates everybody and nobody trusts him ! anyway, he was being nice to me up till lately when he started getting too comfortable. I have bent over backwards for him, been going through hoops with his parole officer to keep him off the streets and out of trouble with them and getting all the right paper work in order, 5 trips to the po office and hour there and back, money spent on him and not my kids, the whole everyday focus is completly around him. anyway, it's a long story but today he went off on me for the last time, screaming at me and cussing at me. It was 1:30 in the afternoon and he was still sleeping and I was trying to get the year of his birth from him to order birth cert. that he needs for parole when he went crazy yelling at me and cussing at me for waking him up. saying some really shitty stuff.

long story short, I left did things I needed to do came back, he was gone but all his stuff was here, so I put it all in a bag on my front porch with an envolope with $22 in it and said here take a bus back up to your parole office and find a program there. It's been 4 hours and he never came by to get it or see it. My ex wo I live with his here so he's probally waiting for tonight when my ex goes to sleep to weasle his way back in. anyway, my ex who I live with never wanted him here and I risked where I live for him, but nothing you do for my brother is appreciated, it's always only about him! My ex shut my cell phone off last night and is not even talking to me anymore. We were rocky before this but my brother being here sent it over the edge! but I was willing to help my brother one more time! I can not even count the times I have helped him, endless! So why do I still feel BAD?????

relieved but BAD!

any advice from someone looking in would really help, thanks!

looking4hope

You already have so much going on at home, does your brother have any concept of what you are doing for him????

He has just gotten out of jail, does he want to go back? I would think that any one that has spent any time in jail, would do what ever is necessary to pick up the pieces of their life, and make some changes in order to never go back.

And where would he be if you werent here taking care of him? I think you need to sit him down and explain things to him only once. He is a grown adult, and he needs to start acting like one. His presence in your home is disrupting your life, and your kids lives. And not only is he not taking responsibility for himself, but he doesnt even appreciate it!

I understand why you feel bad, he is your brother......But you cannot take care of him forever. He needs to be responsible, and the longer you do things to make his life easier, the longer he will expect you to. It's not teaching him anything. Especially if he is abusive.......you dont need that around your kids.

Tell him you love him, and you want to be there for him, but this is his life, and he has to accept responsibility for it. (I know...so easy for me to say from the safety of my monitor). But you got enough going with your own children....you dont need another one.

good luck.....

You are already stressed out enough with your ex's gambling and issues. You have children at home. They need your protection. They can't decide who lives there or not...it is up to you to make the best decisions for you and the kids. You deserve to be treated better. The kids deserve a stable, secure home to live in. How do they feel about him being there?

Please don't let him back. Does he realize you could call his PO and have him put back? He isn't out on a free pass to treat people like crap. He would have consequences for his actions if he was still in. He might need them now!

I know he is your brother and you love him. I know that you are trying to help him and be supportive of him. Who is there for you? Who takes care of you? Who helps YOU??? Who can you lean on for support? Who is there for the kids? What does he do to contribute to the household? Nothing but his presence????? Tell him to get off his butt and do something! Go to a counselor, get a job, and get his life back!

If you continue this way, he will keep taking advantage of you. You will become resentful and then have more anxiety.

Okay, I'm done! Sorry. This is a tough situation and decision for you to make. You have to do what is best for you and your children! I just don't like to see you being hurt and taken advantage of like that. I hope that you will find away to take back your life and get in a better situation. You deserve so much better than you're getting. Take care and let me know how you're doing.

thanks so much!

xoxo

Yes, Tracy he already talks about "when he goes back to prison". (he's been in twice) It's always about him and his stress so it does not register to him about anybody else's stress. He is a bully and a user. but I have that stupid pit in my stomach. anyway, I can't do it anymore, he'll have to figure it out.

xoxo

Was he in prison long either of the times he was in? Could he be institutionalized & want to go back??

Sandy