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05/03/2012 05:45 AM

My OCD is affecting my family and little child

steerweb
Posts: 3
New Member

Its been years since I have been diagnosed to have OCD. I have been taking some medicines but it hardly works. My story is a bad one perhaps. I did something very wrong (external sexual behavior with a married women who seduced me. It was long before I was married. It was not intercourse but only external) and my guilt feel makes me feel dirty whenever it comes in my mind. I want to escape the thought and stay away from touching anything as if touching those thing will infect them with the essence of that lady and my misdeed. Now if my wife and child wants to touch me, I sometimes ask them not to because I feel they will be dirty if they touch me or the things that I ask them not to.

I cant enjoy a decent life with my little child. Cant play with her as it is always back in mind if I am making them dirty.

My wife and child is getting tired of my sickness. What can I do? I feel like suicide. But that will only take the Dad away from my child.

I cant work peacefully because it feels I am making my desk or computer dirty. I repeat things or wash my hand to get fresh.

If I try to fight my thought, I feel I shall remain dirty for rest of my life.

Dont know what to do.

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05/03/2012 08:42 AM
harpgirl
harpgirl  
Posts: 552
Member

Sorry Steerweb.

I don't have a lot of answers for you. There are others that I know can help you more than I can.

My OCD is hair cutting, so it is very different. I have intrusive thoughts that upset me and then I cut (like in a trance) to relieve the anxiety. Of course then the cycle beings again and the anxiety really wasn't all that relieved.

So the only point of reference that I have is the thought of "dirty." That is an intrive thought based on your past. I have similar self-estem thoughts that creep in from things that happened in my past.

Well this is what I know....you need to bring your thoughts to the present. Everytime you have the thought of dirty....you probably are reliving the past...in some form. The therapeutic technique to do this is called mindfulness or grounding. Here are some things I do.....when I have intrusive thoughts....name the colors in the room, or count objects, feel a texture of something near by and concentrate on all its attributes. There are hundreds of variations....just find something small you can focus on in the present (not cleaning related, but tangible present focused thoughts.)

If you go to wwww.ocdonline.com.....there is a lot of great info there. I looked there for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tips. Start one step, see how it works...then add more.

My OCD is greatly improved after only being here for a couple of months. Read as much as you can on OCD. Understand your triggers, etc...and try lots of techniques to get things managed. Over time the combo of all the above, will help. I take buspar. It doesn't get rid of things, only give me room to think a little more for myself. My husband who is an LPC, said that if you take meds that take all the OCD away....you won't learn to manage the stress/anxiety yourself. So it really is a multi approach to treating the OCD that helps.

Hoping others come here with more info. Because I know I just touched on very little.


05/03/2012 09:01 PM
silvermage
silvermage  
Posts: 479
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Namaste Steerweb,

What you are experiencing is guilt from something that happened a long time ago. there is nothing you can do to change it. it happened. OCD is such a strange condition. it causes us to remember our past and feel guilt over the most harmless things. were you and she both consenting adults? it sounds like you were. so why the guilt? was it because she was married? in all honesty it sounds like her marriage was on the rocks anyway. it was or is doomed to fail. and it was not because of you or something you did. marriages sometimes last and sometimes fail. such is the nature of all relationships. for this woman to seek outside companionship means the marriage was already doomed. so there should be no guilt for that. you were both consenting adults.

the second thing you need to work on is simply acknowledging to yourself that this affair happened. i know it is something you do not wish to think about but it is a part of your history. acknowledge it. you have done nothing to harm your marriage with your wife and i know you are feeling "dirty" because of a past action. it is the past. the past has already happened. you can never ever change it. what you can do is simply acknowledge it, bring yourself into the present, acknowledge that you have a wife that loves you, you have a child that loves you. this is your present. this is you now. what you were then no longer exists. not for you. not for anyone. Part of being human is making mistakes, sometimes over and over again. But we also learn from mistakes when we are ready. you are not the same person you were back then. you are not the same person now as you read this than you were when you wrote your post. everyone changes. everyone learns. everyone grows. the past is the past. the future is not here. all that is here is the NOW. the present. enjoy it. be with your wife and child and work on forgiving yourself for whatever it is you feel guilty over. life is way too short. there are three things i have learned since developing ocd:

1. Perfection is flawed. to err is human.

2. No one has the right to tell you how to live your life. and to change the phrase a little: I do not have the right to tell someone how to live theirs. it does not matter if i agree with their lifestyle or not. i still do not have the right to tell others how to live.

3. Mistakes are made intentionally or unintentionally. it is human and will happen. always. we are all in the same boat called life. we are all going to the same destination. do you really want to spend your time agonizing over what you or someone else did that you no longer agree with? or do you simply wish to lean back and live your life to the fullest?

I have been suicidal as well. and I have learned that suicide is never the answer. just because something looks or feels bad now does not mean it will always be bad. what i mean is that right now you are obsessing over the past. you will not always obsess over the past. live. learn. grow. those are life's lessons.

There are two words of wisdom i would like to share: 1. never take life too seriously. no one ever makes it out alive. what this means is that you need to take time for you and what you love. stop striving for a faultless life. it will never happen. instead enjoy life and all it has to offer because someday when we are old and gray we will leave this world and start a new journey. but in order to attain that journey shouldn't we first experience this one?

the second word of wisdom is as long as you are breathing there is more right with you then there is wrong. this means that as long as we walk this earth we can strive to change ourselves and learn from our mistakes. we can learn. we can grow. we can live life to the fullest.

You sound like a great guy who is just feeling guilt over something that happened a long time ago. forgive yourself. forgive the woman. and be with your wife. be your best friend and not your worst enemy. life is way too short for that.

But I would like to say that if you are feeling suicidal please please call your hospital. call the police. get help for you. suicide is such a permenant thing for something that changes constantly. Please call someone.

There is a therapy called cognitive behavorial therapy. it is the gold standard when treating ocd. there are many self help books that offer cbt and there are many therapists today that are trained in it. I think it will help alot.

Namaste!

Nick

Post edited by: silvermage, at: 05/03/2012 09:04 PM


05/04/2012 04:45 AM
steerweb
Posts: 3
New Member

Dear Cindy and Nick

Thanks for your kind response. I feel better but not yet overcome. First of all it was not a relation or affair but merely a seduction and incidence. The lady was not happy with her husband and kept in touch with other people. I didnt have sex with her but some sexual foreplay. She was a neighbour. She did come to my house at that time. What happens to me after I left this, it reminds me where she sat in my house, what things she touched in my house and what color of clothes she wore. Now I avoid those things in my own home and I avoid wearing clothes of those colors that she wore.

Often splash of memory flashed in my eyes about the moments with her and it disturbs me and makes me feel dirty. Sometimes my mind says 'see if you are wet or had a wet dream thinking those moments'. These are quite painful.

I ask everyone at home not to touch those things that she touched. I have told my wife briefly about this and she has forgiven me but I could not forgive myself. I have been living life like an idol and I cant simply accept the fact that I did this.

You are true I am missing the present playing with my child. What can I do?

My wife now gets irritated because I ask her to wash hands too.

I love my wife and want to keep away from this dirtyness and hence ask her to wash hands.

I want to live peacefully but my brain and memory giving me trouble.

Post edited by: steerweb, at: 05/04/2012 04:48 AM


05/04/2012 07:32 PM
mitzigirl
mitzigirl  
Posts: 14118
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hello steerweb this thing called OCD is hard and it can take over us if we allow it. What happened in your past is in your past. Can you set down and think to yourself why would your wife be dirty from touching you. You my friend are not dirty. What you did is not the end of the world you need to let it go or you are going to ruin what you have and you need to think is it worth that. NO! Not at all. And you are missing out on your child's life that you will never get back. You have to work on getting rid of this guilt so your mind will not keep going over this and playing games with you. Remember you are in control and nothing is going to happen if you touch your child or wife or if they touch something she did. Just let them and sit quietly and breathe through it you will then see it is your mind and not really real. Your not dirty. Are you getting any treatment for this? Because if you cannot get a handle on it you will make your and their life miserable and you do not want that. You seem like a great guy and I do understand how you mind can mess with you so badly I also understand we have to learn to live through it and move on. I wish you luck and Many Blessings. Keep posting with us maybe that will help you some too to talk it out with others that understand.

07/16/2012 07:27 AM
steerweb
Posts: 3
New Member

Dear All

Thanks for all your support. I am indeed in great distress. I cant afford treatment. Neither can tolerate it. My wife cries everyday saying that she is living with an ill person. My daughter is too little to understand OCD but clearly asks me why I ask her to wash hand for me? I can see difficult future. I cant bear this pain. Neither can quickly get rid of this. Death seems to be the easiest solution.

Post edited by: steerweb, at: 07/16/2012 07:28 AM

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