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linda123 Posts: 178
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My undergrad is in Music. I started my Master's in it. I wanted to be a college voice professor. But around a year in my body wouldn't keep up. I had a hard time climbing the stairs and would huff and puff, once I got to the top. I kept thinking low iron, or stress. But never quit knew. I wan't able to keep up, with the demands of a music degree anymore. So I switched programs and went into Early Childhood Ed. I became certified in Musik Garten (birth - age 5 and taught that as well.) It was a good fit as I adore kids.Well that's brilliant! You have a lot to be proud of there. I think we need to take the focus off our hair because this thing has got to be more than just about our hair. Like you say it's a control thing. It's a great shame that your MS has made life difficult for you, but the most important thing is to feel well and get your pain under control. It's hard for me to exactly know what it's like as I don't have MS, but I'm sure it's something I would definitely not like to have. You have a lot to be proud of Cindy - but it's hard to see that isn't it sometimes. But you are doing well with your too. I'm struggling but the situation isn't too dire. I don't look too bad thank goodness despite an hour or two spent on it the last couple of days. Hopefully that's the end of it though. I suppose I need to take control and be more mindful of not doing it. It's the temptation though isn't it? It's not easy to resist sometimes. One snip is the start of the slippery slope!
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harpgirl Posts: 552
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So true about the one snip. One thing I found out is when I did my four day stretch (which is the longest to date since thi started) is that by the time I got to day four....I lost count of how many days. My thinking improved, etc. I felt like the old me was coming back. It was so weird being so free. But one snip, let the dragon back in. The deeper I go into the OCD, the harder and more difficult to think, etc. So basically the more time, the longer, etc....you go not cutting....the easier it actually gets. But one slip up, can send you back into things. Right now working myself out again. Trying not to be down on myself or negative about it. It doesn't help. - Cindy - Cindy
I am not a health care professional. Having lived with MS for many years, I have tried many things; some worked, some didn't. Anything and/or everything I might say is truly only my experience and opinion. Anything new you try, please run it by your doctor. |
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linda123 Posts: 178
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So basically the more time, the longer, etc....you go not cutting....the easier it actually gets. But one slip up, can send you back into things. I agree with that totally. And it is great when you start feeling like yourself when you stop. So there are major benefits from stopping hair cutting. I look forward to getting more time back for myself and getting more sleep! I've got to watch it this week as my husband is on nights, that I don't slip back into late night cutting sessions. I think I'm more mentally prepared for this week. I don't want to end up with very little hair and having to put make up on the skin on my scalp again! |
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harpgirl Posts: 552
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Well come here and chat if it helps (this week.) I have to check in often on the MS forum, to respond to stuff since I am the group leader. Praying for you. Try to avoid stress. Sometimes easier said that done, though. - Cindy
I am not a health care professional. Having lived with MS for many years, I have tried many things; some worked, some didn't. Anything and/or everything I might say is truly only my experience and opinion. Anything new you try, please run it by your doctor. |
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linda123 Posts: 178
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Oh that's great that you are a group leader. It's been a bit difficult to avoid stress Cindy the last couple of days as I feel stressed just by being at work. I think I'm hypervigilant when I'm at work and worry about what everybody thinks about me. I haven't done too well the last couple of days with my hair and my nerves have been jangling, really frazzled! It really does bring you down this hair cutting lark - another good reason to stop. It's just so easy to slip back into bad habits. I sometimes think there's a little devil on my shoulder saying 'go on, just one more snip' just to tempt you into you go into full blown cutting mode. Hopefully I should be able to relax a bit more now that I don't have to go to work until next Friday. Thank goodness! I'm sure it's because of some of the characters in the office (there are some strong characters) that I feel so weak and insipid and invisible! It's a horrible feeling. I know I need to try and increase my self esteem. I just get this feeling sometimes that I am the absolute pits and why would any want to talk to me anyway, even though I know deep down I'm a nice person. But nice doesn't seem to cut it with some people. They only seem to like you if your the life and soul type, which I'm not. Thanks for your kindess Cindy and thanks to all the members of the forum for being there. xx |
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harpgirl Posts: 552
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I don't work nor am I surrounded by difficult people. But I feel exactly the same. I think it might be part of this disease. My husband says hyper-vigilance is part of PTSD. Which he says I have. I probably do. However, I was reading what Nick said to someone else about OCD and over analyze. Well I think it is clear to everyone here that I over analyze. lol Over analyzing is a way of being hyper-vigilant. At least that is what I think, but don't know for sure. I don't really have any good suggestions about dealing with your feelings. I haven't even attempted to change that about me yet. I know in time...we all probably will have to work on self-esteem building...once we are all further along in recovery from this thing. We all will be at various stages of things. But as you move along you do somewhat have to repair the damage that has gone on because of the OCD (like self-esteem, etc.) What that is, will probably be different for each of us. Right now I am in the why and how to get over the OCD (or manage.) But eventually, I will have to move to...ok, now I am stronger and stable....I need to be more confident and less self doubting. - Cindy - Cindy
I am not a health care professional. Having lived with MS for many years, I have tried many things; some worked, some didn't. Anything and/or everything I might say is truly only my experience and opinion. Anything new you try, please run it by your doctor. |
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linda123 Posts: 178
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Hi everyone, how is everyone getting on? |
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Axlecat Posts: 239
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Hi Linda, I was just thinking that nobody has been around for awhile. I am still trying to get out of my lease so i can move in with my ex who is gonna be my accountability partner for abt a yr. I am really doing better as far as the cutting goes, but the next few months r gonna be the critical "grow out" stage & i dn't wanna take any chances on messing it up. Plus, even if i wouldn't do that...i just need the rest & time off from work. I just feel beat up! I have to have a fresh start for my future. Hope everyone else is doing well.... In Christ, Deb |
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harpgirl Posts: 552
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Hi guys. I had a bad week. But it was because yesterday I had to go to a luncheon at my mom's church. Where everyone is really wealthy. Lots of young girls with super long hair too. So it intimidates me a lot. Oh and it is a really big church too. One of my triggers is social anxiety. Didn't cut today and feel like I am getting ready to get back in stride. Since the middle of last month I have had 12 no cut days. Much inproved, of course, since joining here. Right now working on conditioning myself to become a runner. I have always wanted to do that. So far so good...... Good about your new plan Deb. Linda, work, ok? - Cindy
I am not a health care professional. Having lived with MS for many years, I have tried many things; some worked, some didn't. Anything and/or everything I might say is truly only my experience and opinion. Anything new you try, please run it by your doctor. |
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Axlecat Posts: 239
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Thanks Cindy & i totally understand what u said abt the church function & seeing everyone with their long hair. That is why i dn't do much of anything right now. I need to get my life back. Mostly i dn't like anybody looking a my hair. I def understand the intimidation thing. That is good that u had so many no cut days. We can conquer this! I believe it now...for awhile, i wasn't so sure.? Scared me when i thought that way. Deb |
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