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08/26/2009 03:42 PM

Issues at Work

HiddenButterfly
HiddenButterfly  
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I have alters that are homosexual and some that are heteralsexual and have never had a problem with it until now. On Monday, I was given an orientee to train at work. SHe happwen to be a lesbian and I am fine with that, in fact we get along rather well. My issue is that one of my lesbian alters is really wanting to get to know her and hang out with her. No one at work knows about me being a multiple and they all know that I am happily married. In fact we just celebrated our tenth aniversary. I am afraid to let this alter out.

None of them are allowed out while I am at work. I am a CNA and have to do personal care. This has presented an issue before as it is a huge trigger to some of them, so a rule was made that none of them are allowed out at work.

This one, Mandy, heard that there was a lesbian begining to work and has been doing everything possible to listen in on what has been going on. Now she wants out and I am afraid of what could happen.

There was a deal made between my hubby and I when we first got together that I wuld not go there anymore, as he feels as if I am cheating and in a way I am. I know that she is attractred to my co-worker and I do not want to deny her the ability to make friends, but I am afraid of what could happen. Please, someone, offer a viable suggestion.

Brenda

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08/27/2009 11:53 AM
theresaplenty
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WHENEVER I HAVE/HAD SERIOUS RESTRICTIONS THAT NEED TO BE PLACED ON A PART UNTIL THEY COULD BEHAVE ACCORDINGLY, WAS TO MAKE THAT PART SIGN A CONTRACT. I WROTE UP A CONTRACT SPECIFICALLY NAMING WHAT WAS EXPECTED OR NOT ALLOWED, ASKED FOR APPROVAL FROM MY GATEKEEPER, THEN TOLD THAT PART TO SIGN AND WHAT CONSEQUENCES THERE ARE FOR BREACGING CONTRACT. LIKE: LOCK UP FOR 2 DAYS, NO COMIMNG OUT AT ALL, UNLESS SUPERVISED BY ANOTHER, WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THAT PART. SO, PERHAPS IF YOU KNOW WHAT MANDY VALUES, THEN PUNISHMENT FOR BREACH OF VONTRACT WOULD BE A LIMIT TO THAT VALUABLE THING. BUT THIS IS ALL EXPLAINED TO THE PART AS TO WHY THIS CONTRACT THING IS NECESSARY AND ALL THAT AND SPOKEN TO WITH LOTS OF LOVE SO SHE UNDERSTANDS THIS IS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU, THE HOST, WHOM CREATED HER. HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE. IT'S JUST MY THOUGHT ON IT.

THERESAPLENTY


08/28/2009 04:58 PM
HiddenButterfly
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TO my knowledge, Mandy has never tried to come out. At least not since I have been able to be aware of what is going on. THis is the first time that I know she has expressed an interest in being out. Because I am involved with my hubby and she wants nothing to do with hetrosaxual men, she has stayed far away from the outside world. So,I kind of feel bad about refusing to let her act upon this impulse, but also understand that I have made a choice in my live that excludes such activities.

After talking with my therapist, we have decided that it is fne for her to hang around and watch what is going on, even to be in co-existance with me. However if at any time she starts to try and act on the infatuation that she is feeling, then she will be banned from being able to even observe what is going on. I do have to say that the past few days I have been happier than I have been in a long time. It is a good thing for me, as I am able to be more comfortable with those that I work with. It will be interesting to see how things play out. Everyone in our system knows how devout I am to my hubby and that there would be major reprecussions if any one were unfaithful. The rule we have is that while there are those that will sayt that they are not married to him, they have to realize that I am and therefore if they tried to be with some one else, then it would be the same as me being unfaithful, as it would be me that would have to answer for it.

Brenda


08/29/2009 10:52 PM
orenotter
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Fnaire and her husband are somewhat similar. Both are expressions of transsexuality which, by diverging, have allowed both us and themselves to be normal and straight. However, they are still primarily sexual creatures and would very much like to get busy. The problem with this is that Taji's main persona suffered sexual abuse and is now terrified at the thought of anyone even getting her body aroused.

When I am transformed into Fnaire, the willpower that belongs to Oren goes out the window. The thing that holds them both back is the knowledge that if they have sex, there will be consequences, primarily that Min and I will be unwilling to switch / change into them and they'll be kept apart.

Although you know Mandy better than I do, my guess is that your best course is to make sure Mandy understands that if she crosses the line, there will be serious consequences both to you and to her.

Also, speaking as a former bisexual (virgin, just so you know), I don't see sexual deviancy as something healthy. I'm ever-so-glad Fnaire's boyfriend is a woman IRL or I don't know what I'd do. I know a lot of people will hate me for saying this, but I'd have some long talks with Mandy and see if her sexual preference can't be changed. Mine was, albeit in a very roundabout fashion, and I'm much happier because of it.


08/30/2009 03:02 PM
HiddenButterfly
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Everyone, old enough or mature enough, to be involved in an intimate relationship knows that there are the same issues being involved with a female as being involved with a male. They also know that doing either is cheating and will cause my hubby to leave. My hubby is my stablizing force at this time and therefore if we lost him, there would be so much that would go wrong. In order to prevent this, everyone works to keep things under control.

No one expected such an attraction to occur between Casey, the co-worker, and Mandy. Casey is way to butch looking for her normal taste. While I perfer a Ukrinian look to my men, her normal taste in females is very feminine. THerefore no one was concerned when Casey showed up and we were caught off gaurd.

I do not think that anyone will hate you for saying what you did, as it is your opinion and you are entitled to it. I personally do not think that is my job to do. If they want to change their prefernces, that is up to them and will happen when and if they want to. It is my job to insure that it is known that there will be no acting out on any impulses. I am the only one that will act on sexual thoughts and impluses, as the others are not the director and do not need to be trying to fulfil that role. Also my hubby has insisted thatr I be the one present with him. And that is just the way it is, at least for us.

Brenda


08/31/2009 04:56 AM
Sundrop
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I (Sunny) and ME are both bisexual and it doesn't bother us at all. I do have a teenage male who never comes out if my husband is around, he would like to talk to girls but ME won't let him because we have a deal with our husband that we will only talk to to girls while he is present and Joey won't come out when he is around. I don't know Joey, only through ME and from what others tell me but I know he is lonely and getting angry.

My husband doesn't have a problem with the other alters being a part of our sex life as long as none of the children come out. I have child alters who are terrified of sex and hide deep inside when it is going on however there are children who are curious and try to peek and they come out and then run in and spread what they've seen to the scared ones who then react by coming out and crying and huddling. My husband had to deal with this a lot in the beginning of our relationship, now ME has a better hold on things.

Brenda, if she understands the consequences and respects your wish for no one to have a relationship outside of your marriage couldn't she just be looking for a friend? Someone to talk to about being different? Is she just so intrigued because this is someone who feels as she does? Maybe it's not a crush but something else. Like we came here to find other multiples who we could say "do you ever feel like this?" to. Maybe you should encourage her to join the bisexual or gay lesbian group and talk out her feelings. If she hasn't been in the outside world much maybe she is just looking for validation, wanting to know if there are others like her, wanting to know how normal she is.

Sunny


08/31/2009 07:47 AM
HiddenButterfly
HiddenButterfly  
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I do get that point, and have considered the possibility that is what is going on. My issue is how do I let here get the validation she wants, without exposing myself as a multiple? Casey thinks I am heterosexual and no one at work knows that I am a multiple. I started this job three months ago and do not know any of my co workers well enough to let them know that fact.

Brenda


08/31/2009 08:08 AM
Sundrop
Sundrop  
Posts: 1400
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Maybe you could just confide in this co-worker that you had some bisexual experimentation or bi-curious thoughts when you were younger? You don't need to share that it was actually Mandy. You could tell Casey that you and your husband have decided you won't act on these feelings but that they are still there in your head regardless. If you are starting to be friends and she brings up her orientation you could mention it and then if you trust Mandy to develope a friendship, see if that's what it is. It could be great for her and you. One thing I've noticed in this journey is that everyone needs to be validated and it's a pretty constant thing. I guess it will be like that for us until everyone has a chance to come out and be who they are.

And joining another group on this site would be fine because we all know you're a multiple and would already be aware that it is Mandy not Brenda asking these questions.

What advice could you or anyone give me about my situation with Joey? He could come out and talk to girls if he could deal with my husband. I wonder if they could talk about the fact that when he is out he wants to be treated like a male by my husband? I wonder how my husband would feel about that? Does this sound at all healthy?

Post edited by: Sundrop, at: 08/31/2009 08:16 AM


08/31/2009 09:00 AM
HiddenButterfly
HiddenButterfly  
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It sounds very healthy. Most of the females that I have met that have male alters say that the male alters do not feel like they should come out around their bf or spouse, even when the SO has said thet he does not mind the male alters being out. Try and see if your husband, Joey and yourself can sit down and devise a plan of action to let your husband know when Joey is out.THen once your husband knows Joey is out, he can might bwe able to do some male bonding with your husband.

Do you by chance have Showtime? There is an excellent show on there called "The United States of Tara". It is about a woman that has DID and how her family and her deal with it. I do not have showtime, but was able to see the first episode on the internet and it looks like it could be a good show. THey even have contacted the president of the SISDD as a guide to insure accuracy.

Brenda

Post edited by: HiddenButterfly, at: 08/31/2009 09:02 AM


08/31/2009 03:36 PM
HiddenButterfly
HiddenButterfly  
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For as long as I ahve known that I am a multiple, I have known that not all of them speak english. There seems to be a seperate languagethaty they all speak. I cannot speak, or translate it, but seem to understand what is being said when it is spoken. At least one of the langugaes. There are a couple that I have no idea of what is being said. That is how they tak without me knowing.

When they spewak the language that I do understand, I am not aware that they are speaking a seperate language. Apparently, Mandy speaks this language. I was talking to Casey the other night and went to say something and the charge nurse and the other aid started busting up laughing. Casey asked what I said and when I repeated it, she informed me that qwas not what it sounded like. Mandy had found a way out quickly and when the others started laughing, she went back in. So, I have to be really careful, as if she gets out it could present a problem. But, I do like the alive, carefree feeling I have been getting.

Brenda

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