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03/25/2011 07:14 PM

New and Lonely

Alli22
Alli22  
Posts: 9
Member

I have been through my share of hell and I'm only 22; having been molested from age 3-13 by my cousin, experienced unreal drug addictions, kidney problems with stones, failure, blockage, infections, 2 horrible car accidents, witnessing my boyfriend shoot and kill himself Christmas Eve due to alcoholism, and most recently this horrible condition. I know damn well I'm crazy but when I am seriously not hallucinating this!

I am physically being bitten by my hair, pulling white strings out of my elbow and all over my body, finding “worms” and things all that look like pieces of glass in my eyes and the “glass” crawling around in my legs, “veins” that squirm under my skin and HURT and pop out of tiny holes like tentacles and attach to other things and body parts and give nice little reminding pricks, my joints swelling and everything aching in such an indescribable way, itching so bad I've actually broken the skin accidently which doesn't help the extremely attractive lesions that started out as “freckles” and now have popped open (mostly during showers or immediately after) and spewed tiny pepper size bugs (like 20 out of one “freckle” and something like 45 “freckles” now lesions) all over my body. This disease has also caused me to sleep for almost 3 days then be awake for over 72 hours. I've completely lost interest in just about everything, I can hardly remember the tiniest words to finish my thoughts, OH and the best part…I WIEGHT 83 POUNDS!

I'm a tiny female to start (5'2” typically 95 lbs. but very healthy at least before this) and within 2 weeks I dropped over 10 lbs and become very nauseas when even thinking about food. I have horrible bloating and gas, my stomach is always growling but whenever and whatever I eat never seems to help. My skin actually has been changing colors and is sometimes red, blue, and recently I have a lovely yellow tint. These things are crawling under my nails and it is extremely painful and almost impossible to get out. My legs look like Swiss cheese from the lesions popping open. My head…oh my poor head…I have very long dark brown hair (about 27”) that I have been told by numerous people should be in a shampoo add is unbelievably destroyed! My hair line contains about 6 quarter sized lesions that have been flaking like dandruff only the flakes seem to contain bugs and are often yellowish. My hair is also starting to fall out (AWESOME!). I'm completely miserable and seriously only want to cry because I am so lost.

I started having symptoms of Morgellons February 21, 2011. I thought I had contracted lice from the students at the school I work for and proceeded to treat my hair and rest of my life. February 23, 2011 I treated my hair with RID and comb and picked out the specks that I assumed were lice. I bagged, washed, and sprayed EVERYTHING fabric, “killed” about a million little bugs around the house with bleach, and the whole nine yards that goes with treating lice. The whole process seemed to make it worse and a friend told me that kerosene worked to kill lice and eggs so by February 25, 2011 I was washing my hair with about a gallon of kerosene. Well, I smelled interesting for about a week to say the least…that's about all the kerosene did (not saying it doesn't work on lice but THIS ISN'T LICE!). The following week was starting to drive me insane and I started feeling bugs crawling in my ears and finding them poking me though shirts in which they had intertwined themselves in the strings. I resulted to buying about $100 worth of lice treating chemicals including shampoos, sprays for the house, repellent, and the works none of which worked when used on March 3, 2011 (GO FIGURE!) but had seemed to make my “freckles” start to move.

I had a doctor's appointment on the 4 in which I acknowledged none of my situation only the concern that I had just gotten through a close call with lice. That night my “freckles” exploded and unthinkable amounts of bugs the size of pepper specks oozed out and jumped around and reattached other areas. I was completely horrified and didn't know what to do. I showed them to a friend who is pretty knowledgeable about bugs and outdoors stuff in which he told me they were chiggers. That put gave me some relief knowing what they were but I had no idea what was about to happen.

The next few days really weird things usually seen in science fiction and horror movies started happening to me while I was staying at a friend's for the weekend to help me relax. He was gone most of the time so I had the house to myself and thought I would just be a bum and catch up on “me time.” Nothing like that happened though because the bugs and “freckles” drastically multiplied and I found myself performing at home surgery in desperation to get one out and find out what it was but no such luck because every time I would get one it would disappear off the needle or go deeper into me. I had about 15 band aids on me within hours trying to keep things contained. That night I found a piece of “glass” in my foot and when I picked a piece out 6 more would show up until I had a half dollar size dug in the bottom of the ball on my right foot. Next was my left middle finger and wow is all I can say. Same thing happened, millions of pieces that just kept showing up no matter how much I pulled out. After about 3 hours of digging in my body my friend realized what I was doing and had to physically make me stop. He put black drawing salve on both wounds and covered them with gauze and tape.

They hurt and I was completely humiliated because I was going nuts. The next day (March 6, 2011) really made things interesting and I didn't tell anyone what was happening because I knew they would never believe me. My eyes hurt and were turning red so I decided to take a closer look and saw what appeared to be a worm in the corner by my nose attached to my eye and move long thin clear hair like things in and cover my right eye! The whole thing started to look like glass and the worm then moved to my left eye and I tried to stop it with tweezers which was pointless it just caused more pain. When the worm stopped moving the sting looked like shards of glass and could even be removed and retained the same shape and consistency. Well that was it I really thought I had lost it so I shut my mouth and tried to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Monday morning was a snow day thankfully because I had a huge problem…I could barely see. My eyes were almost swollen shut and still covered in “glass.” I called off work and used some eye drops which seemed to help. I figured I could use a day of no nonsense after the previous endeavors but without missing a beat the next day my eyes were just as bad, the worms were ALL OVER, the “freckles” were puss filled and weren't even starting to show signs of healing. I called my doctor and made an appointment for an eye infection figuring I could see how that went and then possibly bring up the other problems.

I went home that night and tried to collect samples of all of the weird things I was finding IN me. The more I found the more curious I got and started to Google random symptoms all of which started to have the same reoccurring disease as a possibility, Morgellons. Having no idea what that was I briefly looked at a website and ended up crying myself to sleep because I had hit the nail on the head. As skeptical as I still was I proceeded to go to my doctor's on March 9, 2011 which, well, didn't go that good. After listing the symptoms to the nurse and then the doctor, who told me “there's no such thing as worms being in the eyes” and hardly even checked me I mentioned having found a condition that may explain my symptoms. Now I had read hundreds of confessions saying doctors didn't believe patients but I had a really good relationship with my doctor seeing as how I have gone to that practice my whole life and didn't have much to lose so I told her I thought I might have Morgellons. The response still baffles and hurts because I just needed someone to believe me.

She didn't really acknowledge what I had said but rather told me she wanted the head doctor to take a look at my skin. She came back in and tried to explain that self mutilation would not bring my boyfriend back and I really should talk to someone she could clearly tell I was having bigger issues that I could handle. The next thing I knew I was being restrained by the head doctor and they were alerting the local police that they may need assistance escorting a young female. I was sitting there and was tackled because I clearly had to be delusional. They had called my parents which is why the head doctor didn't follow the female one into the room. He had also called the state mental institution and told them they would be arriving with me.

Seriously? Now fighting your boyfriend to not kill himself and ending up with his brains splattered all over you really does make you nuts but NOT LIKE THIS! Yeah I was and still am devastated about the circumstance and what I had seen but I had not intentions of hurting myself. I've lost over 15 friends in the past 7 years to accidents, fires, drowning, suicide, overdosing, pretty much the works and I couldn't imagine intentionally putting my family though that. The conversation continued to explain how Morgellons is classified as a serious mental illness and I needed to go get immediate treatment. I kept showing them the moving bugs in the “freckles” but they kept ignoring me until I finally ran out of there hysterical and in disbelief of what I had just been through. I drove home and locked myself in my room. I contacted work and got an extended leave of absence under the assumption that it was because of my loss. The days following just kept getting more and more interesting with each day bringing a new break out and more items found.

I went back to my friends that weekend where I explained to him what was going on with me and started to show him the “glass” in my legs and the “freckles” pop open and everything. I even read him everything I had found with information on this “Morgellons disease” and showed him pictures of other sufferer's wounds as comparison to mine. The research continued and I kept finding out more and more interesting things that were hard to swallow at first until I realized I was part of this too going through the same symptoms and treatment from others.

As of March 13, 2011 my condition is dramatically worsened even by the hour. Most of the annoyance seemed to take place when I would rest, like at night or right after I would wake up even from a nap, but now it is almost constant. That day alone produced enough proof that anyone should jump and take action about this. Somewhere between blowing my nose and a chunk about the size of a golf ball of moving yellow, brown, blue, and glassy crystal like substance (NOT MUCUS) that contained bloody red and blue worm, barely being able to concentrate on the same thought for five minutes, and possibly learning that both of my dogs now how this disease I decided that this has to end.

This is so bad and it really is terrible. I'm a mess, my mom is panicked but has seen EVERYTHING, my dad and I went almost a month without talking or even setting foot in the same room, and the only person I have contact with is my friend's house I've been staying at off and on. Things have gone from bad to worse to completely devastating and unreal in 2 months and I just feel so alone. My mom has started to pretend this isn't happening and is getting upset with me for not getting better. My dad and I are talking again but mostly I just sit with him and cry. My friend still has me over because he is “concerned” but I have gotten to the point where I just want to hide. More and more lesions have appeared and it seems that everything on my body, and I mean EVERYTHING, has them. The things I have seen happen to my body top just about everything else I have been through and I have no one who honestly, truly understands and cares unconditionally. I lost my other half and I know he would have helped me through this but not I'm on my own in desperation for help. My life seems to have no meaning anymore and I find myself wonder how long until this kills me?

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03/26/2011 12:41 PM
TaraT
TaraT  
Posts: 4164
VIP Member

Sweetie, Iḿ so so so so very sorry this has happened to you. There is really nothing I can say or do to help other than to tell you that you are not alone.

I am here...We all suffer from different critters or combinations of them....This forum is kind of quiet...

Have you been bitten by a tick or other insect that caused a rash? Some think this might be a co infection of some sort that goes along with lyme disease or can show up by itself...

*HUGS* to you....


03/26/2011 01:36 PM
Alli22
Alli22  
Posts: 9
Member

Thank you so much for your support! It is so hard to have someone who has not expierenced the symptoms and I know my parents and one friend who knows try their best to comfort and support me but are still unsure. I feel like I'm always trying to prove something to them and showing them new findings and hopeing they will not give me another excuse or option.

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what has happened to my body and I hate feeling like I'm loosing my mind.

My boyfriend and I were very into being outdoors. We attended many music festivals, camped almost weekly during the summer even if it was in the backyard, always had bon fires, went hunting, four wheeling, and anything that involved getting dirty. I wish I could paid better attention to what was on me but I was always too busy living. The possibility of being bitten by an insect is there but narrowing it down is almost impossible. When he took his life he was outside in a field and I was with him. Both of us were on the ground wrestling and I know he had found a tick on him before after being there. That was really the last time I had been outside before I started to notice strange things.

I know I am not imaging what is happening but it seems no one in my life is open minded enough to actually help and find out what is wrong.

~Alli


03/26/2011 03:13 PM
TaraT
TaraT  
Posts: 4164
VIP Member

I know that without getting that validation from our peers or loved ones and then having the medical community point their finger at you and label you a head case is going to weigh on you tremendously..

That has happened to a LOT of good people...That is why we are here. Linking together with those that feel alone. SHaring info. etc...

Iḿ sure with your internet searches that you have found much info. about morgellons. I have searched many many hours myself.

I recently was tested for lyme disease to find a connection. I will get my results in a few weeks.

Ive been sick almost my entire life from about age 2 or 3..I am now 42.

I believe I was reinfected a year and a half ago when I had a blood transfusion. Just a few days after that, I started getting the skin condition with itching and biting and things being found that were not part of my body.

It seems cyclical to me...and when the moon is full..OMG they rage...Im on doxycycline right now for a cellulitis infection and it truly has made these things scramble to get out of me. I have found them in every orifice.

They are embedded in my skin and just a few weeks ago for the first time I actually scratched out a clear, wet, and gooey worm cocoon thing that had something inside that was black and had wings.

I could not identify the insect inside. It looked like a cross between a huge mosquito and a moth.

*shrug* There is treatment that does help some people. Keep searching for what works for you. Hot baths or showers are essential for me to be able to scrub these things OUT without tearing my skin up too bad.


09/14/2013 05:03 AM
Sue34
Posts: 3
New Member

Hi Alli,

I'm so very sorry for your loss and your condition. I too have had many losses and struggles with addictions and feel your pain. I am new to these forums and upon finding them, found solace in reading everyone's lament. I hope you find something to take away your pain Ian's frustration. Please don't give up as I worry about your stability in the hell you are living in and think you might get suicidal and I know that sounds presumptuous but I'd like to think a supportive (if even just a stranger) could keep you from going down a terrible path.

I would like to hear about your situation and hope it will be a positive one...

Sincerely,

Christina

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