starting to give up

I've never joined any kind of forum before but I'm beginning to lose hope and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have no one to talk to and no one really understands what I'm going through.

After trying to get preganant for exactly 12 months, I did become pregnant, but lost the baby after 8 weeks. While trying to cope, we kept trying to get pregnant and did get pregnant again six months later. I lost that baby after 11 weeks. Both times were difficult but this time was much worse because I had already had an ultrasound and saw the baby's heartbeat. Both miscarriages occured exactly 2 weeks after a death in the family, the first time after my husband's grandfather and the second time after my father-in-law whom we were very close to. So it's been hard for my husband and I to support each other. It's now been four months since my second Miscarriage and I am frustrated that it's taken so long for us to have a baby.

I have always wanted a baby, and it's hard when all of my friends and co-workers are getting pregnant and bragging that it was so easy and happened so quickly. It's hard for me to be happy for them, even though it's not their fault what I'm going through. I just don't understand why it has to be so difficult for me.

My doctors don't really seem to think it's a big deal, they tell me that it's so common and I haven't really been waiting very long, but two years seems like a long time for me. I'm at the point where I don't even want to see anyone anymore, all I want to do is hide in my house and cry. It's hard for me to go to work because I am a Kindergarten teacher and I love my students so much but want kids of my own, I'm starting to feel bitter towards my students.

I'd really appreciate some advice from someone who has been through it, because I'm sick of my husband and family who knows who are telling me to suck it up and think positively. I'm having a hard time doing that.

When I miscarried I remember being sick for quite some time after that. I know you mentioned miscarrying twice, have you tried since then?

I know there is a lot you could talk to your doctor about, but I want you to think about a couple of things. Did the deaths in your family place large amounts of stress on you as a person? Are there things at work or at home that have been stressing you out? Stress can have a lot to do with a Miscarriage.

As for having trouble becoming pregnant, there are a million things that could be causing it. I am no doctor so please don't quote me, but these are things I've read about. Caffeine intake is a big one, low egg count when you release, not enough proteins in your body to support the baby. I'm not saying this is your fault, because it isn't. There are millions of us out there who have experienced miscarriages as well.

I sincerely hope that you hold your head high and try to think positive, but also know that I will be here to listen when you get frustrated with being positive and just want to vent.

Sweetpea

Thank you for the suggestions as to why we are not yet pregnant and for miscarrying. The doctors are waiting until it happens a third time before they do any tests, which is hard to hear, it's as if they expect it to happen again and it'll be something else for me to deal with. As for your suggestions, I have not drank coffee since we started trying to get pregnant, so it's been two years since I had any coffee, alcohol, sushi, soft cheeses, etc.

Thank you again for your kind words. Every day is a new day and I'm just trying to get through each day, one at a time.

If you think it will help, give yourself a sort of memorial, not so that you are forgetting what happened, but so that you can remember and hopefully remember in peace. Light a candle, stick a memoire beside it. Share this with your husband, if not just do it for you. Take some time and let yourself heal, time to take care of yourself.

I read your'e story and I just wanted you to know that I understand how you are feeling. I have had 2 miscarriages in the last two years the first one in July of 2006, I was 8 weeks pregnant and just recently I went to the doctor at 20 weeks of pregnancy for the anatomy ultrasound and I couldn't have been prepared for the news that I was about to hear. They couldn't find a heartbeat. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I had just heard the heartbeat 2 weeks ago and it was so strong. I had to go in the hospital that nite and I delivered a baby boy the next morning. I was so devastasted and distraught when they told me the news. I couldn't believe the baby was gone just like that in the blink of an eye. It was hard on me the first time at 8 weeks but this was unbearable. We had already named the baby and was preparing for it. I had already bought some things for the baby. I thought that since I had made it past the 1st trimester that everything was ok. People say that I am lucky because I have 4 children that are healthy but it doesnt make the pain any easier. I lost a child no matter how anyone else sees it and unless they have been through it they will never be able to understand what it is like. It sucks the life out of you. I cant stop thinking about it. I don't know if I have the heart to try again. I am so afraid that something bad will happen again and I couldn't stand the thought of losing another child. I am in my thirties and I had all my children with no problems so I dont understand why I am having these problems now. I try to think of it as gods plan but it hurts so much. I hope that you can get through this. Its nice to talk to someone that understands. Most people just dont get it. I wish you all the luck in the world on a healthy child.

Post edited by: bgriffin1989, at: 03/03/2008 21:11

Post edited by: bgriffin1989, at: 03/03/2008 21:12

Post edited by: bgriffin1989, at: 03/03/2008 21:15

Post edited by: bgriffin1989, at: 03/07/2008 11:52

Good luck to both of you, I just know if we keep in touch we'll all have some positive stories to tell each other.

Thanks so much for writing. I know if must be really hard on you not having any children and having to go through the miscarriages. I am very blessed to have 4 healthy children and although this has been very hard on me emotionally. At least I do have 4 other children but I encourage you not to give up. I know its easier said then done. I know when I had my miscarriages it seemed like it was my fault in some way. I have felt so guilty although I know I shouldnt feel that way. It was hard losing the first one in 2006 at 8 weeks but losing one at 20 weeks was gutwrenching. It was a developed baby and I had to deliver it. I think that made it even more tragic. Its so easy for other people to say you can always try again but after several time I think we lose the spirit of wanting to try again but I hope that you will find these words comforting and know that I understand how you are feeling and I will be praying for you.