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Dealing with another family member pregnant


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06/27/2008 01:33
kbobo
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 I am 33 years old and miscarried on May 20th. While I was only a little over 7 weeks pregnant, we had been trying since last August. I am a teacher and actually starting bleeding while my class was on a field trip. I was taken to the ER where my husband met me. We spend 5 hours there and I was finally released. I was told to check in with my doctor on the following Tuesday. At my doctor’s visit she did not even examine me. She just told me to come in for blood tests until my HCG level was down.

I stopped bleed June 17th and my HCG was down to 3. I hated to go in for those weekly blood tests and the bleeding just kept reminding me of the baby I had lost.

My husband came home today and told me his sister is pregnant and I lost it. I don’t know how to deal with this. I want to be happy for her but a part of me is resentful and kind of hurt. She just started trying and bam she is pregnant. He called his mother after I threw my tantrum-crying fit. She is actually very nice and told him he would never understand as he is a man.

Has anyone here gone through having someone else pregnant in their family so soon after losing their baby? How did you deal with it?


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06/30/2008 16:07
GilsGirl
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 Yes I have. I was pregnant in October last year and had a Miscarriage a couple weeks after my best friend got married in November. I didn't tell any one when it happened. Then at my wedding in January she told me that she was pregnant. I wanted to cry sooo hard right there but the only one who knew about my miscarriage was my husband. Then in April she found out that she was having a boy and had a picture of the profile of his face up on her myspace. I saw it and couldn't stop crying! It still breaks my heart when I think that she is having a healthy baby boy when my died. It just doesn't seem fair!

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07/24/2008 03:41
Tasha32
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 I know what you are going through, I found out I was pregnant after trying for over a year and was so happy, 3 weeks before my misscarriage I was bridesmaid at my friends wedding and on the weekend of her wedding I found out that 2 of our other friends were pregnant, as well as one of my best friends also telling us she was pregnant a month earlier, so there were 4 of us all pregnant, I was only about 5 weeks pregnant at the time so had decided not to go public with the news...then 4 weeks later I was due for a scan and was told that I was losing the baby, I was devestated, and still am. I had an incomplete misscarriage and refused a D & C, so it took 10 days to happen, which I dont remember much of apart from the pain. My other friends pregnancies are going well and I am sooooo happy and pleased for but it is hard to see them as it makes me think about things that i dont want to think about...and to top things, one of my other best friends called last night, guess what, she is pregnant, again I am over the moon for her, really I am, she is 4 months gone, so she must of fallen pregnant as I was losing mine, and typically it was their first time of unprotected sex! so I dont know how you deal with it, how you face your friends when your soooo happy for them but so god damn sad inside for your self. I truly am now struggling to deal with my feelings, so I totally symapthise with you and hope that you have found a way to push the pain aside and move on. x

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07/24/2008 07:07
sweetpea012607
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 I truly know how you feel. I got pregnant as a result of rape in July and miscarried several weeks later. By November of that same year, 4 of my best friends were expecting. They each had their babies and their babies are so healthy and so beautiful. I want to be happy for them, and in some ways I am, but I don't show it. Sure I'll speak to them if I see them out, but as far as being in contact with them... I just can't do it.

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08/16/2008 23:00
melissarainsonme
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 I was 11 weeks along when I lost my baby on Dec 6,2004 due to a tubal pregnancy. It will be 4 years in a few months yet the pain has never stopped or even lessened. i have had 2 nieces born, a nephew born, multiple second cousins born, not to mention my husbands brother and his wife having 2 successfull pregnancies, one of which just a year ago And a 14 year old cousin becoming pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption 3 weeks after my Miscarriage. To add to the pain my sister is now pregnant and ironically due december 5.

I completly understand how you must be feeling... i wish someone would litterally grab my heart and rip it out instead of telling me they are pregnant, because that's exactly how it feels when i find out.

I don't have any great answers on how to deal with it. On one hand my family very understanding about my feelings as i don't attend baby showers and have a terribly hard time joining in on how wonderful it is for someone to have another child especially when they already have one or more. (thinking why can't it be me instead)

On the other hand my husbands family is far from understanding, almost to the point of being intentionally mean and ignorant about mine and my husbands pain. My mother in law would call me as soon as she found out someone in the family in the family was expecting, i'm thinking just to rub it in. She even had the gull a year ago to tell my husband that she figured i'd be over it already.

So I have been there and it hurts, and it never goes away. The only thing that helps me keep my sanity is the fact that i know when and if we are blessed to have a child we are going to appreciate every second with our child, and i'm sure you will do the same.
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