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01/31/2012 01:10 AM

About to lose my damn mind

PokieAngel24
PokieAngel24  
Posts: 6
New Member

So everyone knows I miscarried my daughter almost 4 years ago. While I miss her a lot, there is something really annoying me, Hunter. He has a new lady now n even though I'm happy for him I feel bad for her. I was on the phone with them this evening & he kept telling his new lady about his & my's past. Like she wants to know what we use to do. I highly doubt she does. She has CP like me, she's 3 weeks older than me. It's almost like Hunter can't let me go. He proposed to her the other day after only dating 2 months. He wants me to show up at the wedding in 2014. I highly doubt the wedding will happen. Whenever he brings up the miscarriage to someone then tells me he told them I go curl up n cry for days. I don't know what to do. I'm so angry & frustrated. It's like he wants to keep torturing me reminding me the miscarriage happened. I know it happened. I freakin witnessed it! He didn't! I'm angry, frustrated n feel so alone, now more than ever. Please tell me what to do so I can quit crying myself to sleep at night.Sad
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01/31/2012 09:39 PM
June7
June7  
Posts: 174
Member

PokieAngel,

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. You asked what to do to stop crying. My question for you is

why are you on the phone with this guy? How did he get your new number? Have you unfriended him from Facebook?

He may indeed want to torture you (some people are like that) but why do you cooperate?

The dude only has as much power as you give him.

He only has as much time in your head as you allow him.

Those are my thoughts, obviously you know more of the situation than I do, or others on this listserv. But if there are miscarriage questions you have, we are a wealth of kindness, compassion and information.


01/31/2012 10:16 PM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Pokieangel,

Have you tried talking to him telling him how his bringing up your misscarriage hurts you? If you have and he keeps bringing it up maybe its better for you to stop all contact with him. My ex husband kept brining up me losing our twins so I stop talking to him it was better for my health all the stress was causing my health problems to be worse. Im here if you want to talk. I also keep a journal that helps me to get my feelings out.

Mary


01/31/2012 11:20 PM
PokieAngel24
PokieAngel24  
Posts: 6
New Member

The only reason why I called him this time around was cuz a mutual friend had passed mid-January. Now he thinks we're buddies if you will. I have tried for the last 4 years give him the benefit of the doubt but honestly I just can't take it anymore. It seems as if everyone he comes across he has to tell them about losing the baby. It's my fault honestly. I don't think I should have told him when I rolled out of the bathroom even though he was her father. I've tried writing my feelings out but it seems like its never enough. I'm tired of giving anyone who has mucked with me the benefit of the doubt. I'm completely done. Everyone keeps telling me "leave him alone, you're better off. Be happy for him". Idk, its a cat n mouse game n it's time for me to end it.

02/01/2012 02:37 AM
mickeymouse
mickeymouse  
Posts: 327
Group Leader

Your right it needs to end and end now. and the only way to do that is if you do not contact him or if he does call don't answer or hang up on him! The miscarriage was not your fault and to crawl in a hole and cry your beautiful eyes out, THAT's YOUR RIGHT! that little girl was yours you bonded with her. Of you can't tell him over the phone or face to face then just don't deal with him!!! ignore him altogether. He doesn't have the right to keep throwing it in your face it's cruel! I hope you find strength and God bless. Both Mary and June7 are right. we hope this will help you Smile

02/03/2012 07:04 PM
Snowi
Snowi  
Posts: 569
Senior Member

I totally agree with mickey mouse. The guy is a jerk. End all contact with him. U deserve so much better. Hugs

03/24/2012 01:03 PM
fairyqueen
fairyqueen  
Posts: 1274
VIP Member

I'm sorry your ex is upsetting you but it sounds to me like he isn't over you or the loss of your little girl. Perhaps that's why he keeps bringing it up? I'm sure he's not trying to hurt you (if he is then he's a horrible person!) Try giving him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he needs therapy to come to terms with the loss of the baby. He may have been keeping all of his grief inside and by telling so many people about it, it shows that it is affecting him. If he is talking about you so often to his new girlfriend, its because he is not over you. I was in that position with a guy 10 years ago - he constantly spoke about his ex in "we" terms, it used to drive me crazy! He proposed to me 2 months into the relationship - I now realize it was purely to make his ex jealous - they got back together and went on to have a baby soon after. If you no longer have feelings for this man its best to cut off all contact - for both your sakes. Hope that helps. X
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