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11/28/2011 06:02 PM

1st misscarriage...(page 3)

Catfishes24
Catfishes24  
Posts: 1789
Senior Member

I don't know where I heard it. The experiences we share in this group are heartbreaking and hard to bear, but we share what we have and we do our best to help each other. If I can say something that brings comfort, well I feel blessed myself.
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11/28/2011 06:24 PM
angelmakes3
 
Posts: 21
New Member

Reading everyones comments has made my day a little better. Today has been one of the worst days. On top of the physical pain (over did it at work today and have been having extreme cramping ever since) and the emotional pain, my husband told me that he doesn't know that he wants to be here anymore. I feel like now I have lost a baby, my best friend (him) and my family all in less than a week.

11/28/2011 07:15 PM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I know when my son passed it was to much to bear and my husband decided to tell me before i even got home from having a csection and hearing my son passed that he wanted to end our marriage. I felt like my life feel apart before my eyes. I was told the death of a child will make or break a marriage I guess for me it broke mine im here if you ever want to talk.

mary


11/29/2011 03:19 AM
mickeymouse
mickeymouse  
Posts: 335
Group Leader

I am so sorry you are having a rough day. I know what you mean. I went back to work to soon after my d&c and have been paying the price.

Like Mary said, sometimes a loss will strain or ruin a relationship. I know you are going through a really rough time right now. But did you and your daughter make your box? Smile

I didn't lose my first marriage from a loss, but I do have a few questions for you. not trying tto add pressure just some questions for you. These are ones I had to face after someone made me think about it.....

These are questions post and before the lose of your wonderful little butterfly.

1). Are you happy with him and does he make you feel good about yourself daily?

2). If you guys are having problems are they efecting the kids daily?

3). Are you wanting him there because he is the father of your children?

These 3 questions made me think. I didn't do anything for a while, but It did make me see something that I thought I would never do.

I'm not saying every relationship is perfect, we all know they aren't. I am defiffently not saying what to do. I promis. Just giving you someplace to vent and think.

I know you are a wonderful mom and a very strong a coragous woman. Smile It will take time and I know it's hard, I know I'm still dealing with some depression from my most recent Mc, but things will ease and there will be a time that you can move forward. you wont forget I mean how can a mother do that. It's not in our DNA's. Smile But we can also help others that deal with this and help them through it. I don't want you to think I was saying something mean because I'm not trying to I promise! I do hope things work out for the best for you no matter what Smile

As for such a day I recommend laying down put on a greta movie that you and everyone can watch and snuggle! When I was down this is what me and my older boy's did. it makes things just a little better! Smile


11/29/2011 09:01 AM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
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I love the questions I wish I would of heard of them when I was going through it. I know for me it was such a hard time, I had to stay strong for my daughter and I decided to just relax and take time with my daughter even though she was young to young to really understand it I know she enjoyed the the one on one time. When you first go through a mc your emotions are so different and you are dealing with a loss no mother should have to. Please just take time for you and see if its not just the pain of losing the baby in your husband talking. Maybe he just dont understand what you are going through and feels bad because he cant help you. Just know we are all here for you. We all know the pain you are going through and we help each other go through our loss its a great group.

Hugs Mary


11/29/2011 10:38 PM
June7
June7  
Posts: 174
Member

Louise, what you said makes TotAL sense to me.

One of my challenges in grief has been to find the joy IN the suffering.

Not just, how can I be a better person after my miscarriage, but where is the happiness In the grief?

When I was in the hospital for 4 days after my M/C, my son did not know I was pregnant or had lost the baby. He came to visit me in the hospital, and had made me a friendship bracelet. It was made out of 3 colors: pink, light blue, and black. We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, but it was dead. Seeing my sons sensitive (but at the time unknowingly) gift was a joy IN the sadness.

When Catfishes shares her pain and triumph, and someone benefits, that is joy after the sadness. When Angel shares her baby's life with her daughter and they paint/create, that is joy in the sadness. A closer relationship with a living person is possible when our heart is broken, but not when our hearts are closed.

My heart is broken in a million pieces, and I never want to get pregnant ever again. But I am determined to live through this, love and be happy again, stay married, and not close my heart.

Thank you all.

Big deep breaths for each of you.


11/30/2011 07:31 AM
angelmakes3
 
Posts: 21
New Member

I love all the support, it has made this so much easier- If that's possible- Knowing that I am not alone. We haven't painted our box yet because she fell asleep right after school, but she is home sick today and I think hat makes it the perfect time to paint our box Smile

AS far as my relationship with their dad... I have realized that he is never going to be the man I thought he would be and I csn't change him. He isn't going to be the "perfect husband/father" that I want. I don't think that guy exists on Earth. I think maybe this miscarriage has helped me realize that I can't have everything I want, exactly how I want it. I do love him and want to work things out. Alot of why I try to keep working things out is because of my kids. I want them to have a chance at having more than what I had. I am happy with him, when he is here. I just don't think he is here enough even though he thinks he is. I don't know what effect our problems are having on my youngest, but I do see it in my oldest. She hears too much and puts two and two together to figure out what we are talking about. She tells him that she wished he was home more and that he should spend time with her. She told him that she thinks he doesn't love her anymore because he stopped taking her anywhere. My youngest has always seen things the way they are, and I want it to change before he is old enough to remember.


11/30/2011 08:42 AM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
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Im so glad you have found support here I know I really love all the woman on this group they are so loving and supportive. I understand what you mean about the perfect man there is none but im glad you thought about it. I know its hard when you dont get the support you need but its so good you had some time to think about it. Its good to have someone you love maybe if you tell him how you feel about wanting him around more maybe he will try to be home more. Just a suggestion you are a awesome mom I hope you know that. Please keep us posted on how you are doing its so good to hear from you.

Hugs Mary


11/30/2011 08:48 AM
angelmakes3
 
Posts: 21
New Member

I talked to him on the phone when he was going to work a few nights ago, when he said he didn't want to be here anymore. I thought about things for awhile and then sent him a long email about how I feel and what I want. For some reason when I try to talk to him face to face he hears bits and pieces and thinks I am saying everything is his fault. He said he read the email, but we haven't talked about it at all. He read it yesterday morning at like 2am, and we have been getting along so far since then. Hoping it lasts.

11/30/2011 08:57 AM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Just know we are here for you and if you need someone to talk to you can pm me anytime. I am glad things are going good for now. Thats great you sent the email I know that helped. Maybe by him seeing it in writing made it more clear how you felt. You are in my prayers. Keep us posted.

Mary

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