Methamphetamin Addiction Support Group

I don't even know where to start. The man I love is an addict. 15 years ago when we met - he told me he had an addiction to cocaine. Went to rehab - more than once I think - and had kicked it. He also told me he is ADD. When we were together then - he claimed his roommate and his employees were all doing meth. Never him. But the behaviors I saw told me that something wasn't right. Up all the time or sleeping. Angry and violent (he broke things of mine) threatened to throw my stuff out in the yard. I had two small children than so I decided to move out. We eventually ended things.

15 years later - I've raised my kids, owned my house, held a job for 11 years at the same place. HE contacts me through facebook. Tells me that he wants to apologize for any pain he caused me and my girls back then. We start to communicate and he asks me if I'd like to meet up. We meet i Vegas. Spend a week together. Decide we still have feelings for each other. He asks me if I am willing to move to the state he lives and works in. I decide that now is a good time for a change and I move there. It was good for the first two. We lived in a condo. The third month we moved into the house that he had shared with his last wife of ten years. The story I was told is that the local police and DEA busted down the front door because 'some guy in Oregon' that got caught for whatever - told cops that HE was some kind of meth drug king.

The story goes that he just happened to have a 5 gallon bucket of red phosphorous and some cold medicine in the house and that is what got him busted for 'meth lab.' He did six months in prison for it. The REALITY is that the first time I was IN that basement - I FELT the effects of all the chemicals that had been in there. My throat burned, my lips tingled, my eyes burned. My body knew that I had been lied to. For the next month I was having anxiety, couldn't eat, had panic attacks. HE was sleeping a lot and would get angry and yell at me over anything. I couldn't deal with all the stress. I packed one morning and left. Left him a note and said I couldn't handle all the stress.

I've been so messed up since then. Racing thoughts, can't focus, stressed, scared, sad, depressed. I've never done meth. I don't know what it is like. I just know that what I felt in that basement was not right. Seeing his behavior change when we moved into that house was scary.

Can anyone tell me if what I felt was the effects of contamination from a meth lab? Would the chemicals mess us both up just from living there? Can a meth addict truly recover when they are living and breathing that stuff? Wouldn't it just make it harder to stay off the stuff? I really want to believe that we could have made it work if this hadn't happened. I do love him. I just can't risk making this mistake a third time.

Miranda, my husband was a manufacturer...He is suffering from severe brain damage, due to a multitude of causes. The "cooking", several concussions, spinal injury, and also he is Bipolar. I never had notice those things when I entered the barn, but i was also using at the time.

If you have any doubts, I wouldn't confront him. I would get gone. You've done it before. And you are in HIS territory now. Yes, being around that stuff is dangerous, and if you are living in the same house, and he gets "run up in on" again...YOU could go down too. Usually everyone in the home in question gets the same charges.

Run, Forest, Run on this one.

(Just my personal opinion) You don't have to follow my advice. But good luck.

I have 6 years clean, and I did it while my husband was still using. It CAN be done, by someone who truly desires a better life. When the pain gets bad enough for him, only then will he get it together.

Thank you for the information. I'm really trying to make sense of it all. It happened so fast! I just don't know if my instincts were right and/or I was being effected and I freaked out and ran. It was almost like my body wouldn't let my mind convince me that this was okay. I was so aware that even if emotionally I wanted to stay and make things work - my body and all my survival instincts said GO! I keep thinking it was more about getting away from all those chemicals. Like my body just couldn't handle all that exposure. Damn - if that is what happened to me after a month of exposure to contamination (five years later) then I can't even imagine what ingesting that stuff would do!

I did something crazy today. I went and talked to his father. I haven't spoken to them since I was there nine months ago - before we drove me an all my stuff out to live with him. I think I felt the need to explain that I never intended for things to go like this. Told him I'm still not sure what the right thing to do is. He asked ME if I thought his son was a stable person - based on my experience with him. I had to tell him that after witnessing his rage and anger and the complete change from the first two months - no I don't think he's stable. I didn't tell him that I think it's from the old meth lab that was in the basement. I just couldn't go there. But his father did tell me that it took him four times in rehab to get off cocaine. He is surprised his son is still alive.

Somehow hearing it from his own father has given me some comfort. Like 'okay, I'm NOT crazy' even though that is how I felt. I'm still a little crazy though because when I stopped by there a very scared & sad part of me hoped that his father would tell his son how much I love him still. What he DID tell me is 'we don't expose ourselves to him' as in - we don't want to deal with his crazy behavior either. THAT told me a lot. I'm the mother of an addict and I've reached my limit of her behavior too.

Wow, that sounds like some closure to me!

HECK! Even I feel better now. Let me know how things are going...are you still seeing him? Are you still gonna live with him now, that you know some behind-the-scenes stuff?

Honestly, I think that choice has been taken out of my hands. It's probably a blessing. Because - yes - I think I would go back. It isn't that I don't KNOW what's happening. I still feel the love I had for him 15 years ago. I feel this sad disappointment that I couldn't stay and make it work. I feel like I'm not much better than he is. He just has the excuse of drugs to explain it.

I am more focused on me now. I've been forced into this place of - how to I survive now? I contact a local food bank to see if I can get some help making my unemployment last. It just feels like nothing is changing for me and I need something to turn around. I just need a job. A place to go every day and put my energy into. This sitting around hoping something changes doesn't work for me. I've NEVER been in this situation. The fact that I made the choices that put me in this situation makes me wonder what is wrong with me? I screwed up my whole life doing this.

Went to an Al-anon meeting tonight. I was welcomed back by some of the original group members. I know I was were I needed to be tonight. Heard the things I needed to hear. Really got my focus back on me and what I need to do to have healthy relationships. I'm so glad I went.

I'm so glad. I love that feeling too. It's very comforting, isn't it?

I haven't been to NA in a while...I miss it. But I just had to choose where to put my efforts, when we are having to choose between gas for a doctor appointment that is two hours away, or a meeting every night. We don't have a car, so we are at the mercy of those who let us borrow theirs. But I know what you mean, know that you are right where you need to be.

(((big hugs)))

I passed my tests!!! I'm getting closer to turning this whole mess around. The thought of testing and possibly getting another county job is the only thing that has kept me from doing anything crazy - like driving back to the man I left. It really is one day at a time.

I found out today that there is a background check too. I thought it was just a criminal check (which I have none) but I was told I will have to provide all the addresses I've lived at for the past ten years! Uh-oh! The house I was in is on a national registry for meth labs! The irony in all of this is that the job I'm trying for is with the Sheriff's office! I will laugh myself silly if I end up going from 'living in a former meth lab to working for the Sheriff's office.' Talk about turning it around. I swear if this happens - I will NEVER look back!

They also interview you siblings and neighbors too. This is pretty much a security clearance. I have no idea if my short experience with a meth addict is going to screw me out of this job! I pray that it doesn't!

I feel like it's taken me six months to get my head together. I've been taking all sorts of assessment tests for jobs and I was having panics and my mind would go blank. This past two weeks I've taken tests and passed them ALL! Still wondering if those chemicals screwed up my brain for a while!

I passed my tests!!! I'm getting closer to turning this whole mess around. The thought of testing and possibly getting another county job is the only thing that has kept me from doing anything crazy - like driving back to the man I left. It really is one day at a time.

I found out today that there is a background check too. I thought it was just a criminal check (which I have none) but I was told I will have to provide all the addresses I've lived at for the past ten years! Uh-oh! The house I was in is on a national registry for meth labs! The irony in all of this is that the job I'm trying for is with the Sheriff's office! I will laugh myself silly if I end up going from 'living in a former meth lab to working for the Sheriff's office.' Talk about turning it around. I swear if this happens - I will NEVER look back!

They also interview you siblings and neighbors too. This is pretty much a security clearance. I have no idea if my short experience with a meth addict is going to screw me out of this job! I pray that it doesn't!

I feel like it's taken me six months to get my head together. I've been taking all sorts of assessment tests for jobs and I was having panics and my mind would go blank. This past two weeks I've taken tests and passed them ALL! Still wondering if those chemicals screwed up my brain for a while!

Miranda...I KNOW this is a very ironic situation for you to be in. But remember, they can't put you "on trial" for a job-related background check.

Be honest, and I have found that if you include a notation on your applications that says, "Please feel free to ask me about 'such & such' that they will, and you will have the opportunity to explain things.

I mean, you honestly had NO IDEA, and when you DID find out, you did something about it and got out of there. So, best of luck to you.

I hope you get the job.