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12/03/2011 07:22 AM

my husband is a meth addict

kabird01
 
Posts: 1
New Member

Hi! I'm new to this group and I'd like to just get your opinions and suggestions on how I can deal with my husband's addiction.

We've been married for almost 14 months now and just 4 days ago, his family and I decided to confine him in a psychiatric facility due to a very unfortunate event. Let's just say he went mad over a very small thing and ended up hurting his mom and younger sister. Before I married him, I already knew that he USED TO take meth, but he made it clear that he already stopped and has been sober for a very long time. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we became a couple. Our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship was smooth-sailing. After getting married, we were still doing good except for certain occasions that would involve his mom meddling in our affairs. Then I noticed that things started missing in the house. My wallet seems to always loose money and we could barely afford to make it till the next pay period. At the back of my mind, I was already thinking that he might be back to taking meth but I always shoved it away and whenever I try to confront him, he would deny it.

Now that it has been confirmed, I don't know how I can deal with this. All I do is cry and be sad. I feel hurt and betrayed. I want to help him but I feel like I can't even help myself to accept it and be there for him. I love him so much but I really am clueless. Im hoping one of you guys would shed some light.

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12/11/2011 08:39 PM
sewnup
sewnup  
Posts: 707
Senior Member

Kabird01, I am so sorry that noone has answered this post. Maybe by now someone might have PM'd you but if we are to learn anything here, they should really post.

When I was newlywed (12 yrs ago) I had no idea that my husband was using. But he would not come home on Friday nights after work, and finally would come home on sunday Morning and crash. It took me almost a year to figure it all out, and I was so young. I had no idea that I COULD NOT help him.

I still can't.

An addict has to want to get some treatment. If they are court-ordered, or pressured by family, or hospitalized unvoluntarily.....a very very high percentage don't make it.

The treatment won't stick if they don't want it to. Addicts are manipulators....I can say this without hurting any of them, because I too am one. I started using four years into my marriage, and have been clean now for 5 years. Any addict who is trying to stay clean, knows that they are master manipulators, and are very good at it.

Those who don't really want to get well, also know they are manipulators, and will use that skill to fool (you).

So, as for feeling betrayed....You have been, but now that you know about his illness, what are you going to do for yourself? You're not going to make him all better. So how can you take care of YOU?

I don't want you to feel like this is hopeless. If I had given up on my husband, I would never know that he could have had it in him to try to be well. And he is doing very well. One day clean is a miracle for any addict.

Addiction is a disease, and just like other illnesses, with treatment, it can be arrested. (like cancer goes into remission) If he is willing to get clean, then you can support him, by going to meetings with him, and you should probably go to Dr. appointments as well.....

Dang it, I gotta a crying baby...If you get this you can post here, or PM me directly. Steve the group leader is also a fountain of information, and wisdom. Maybe he will post something wonderful soon. Don't give up on him, and take care of you!


12/21/2011 02:11 AM
Shellbok
Posts: 13
New Member

Hi,

A very late reply, I hope you get this.

My husband is also a meth addict. The most important thing I can tell you is that you cannot help someone who won't help themselves... Old and clichè but so so true! The sooner you realize the truth in it the sooner you can let go of feeling any amount of responsibility for his addiction. What I mean is that you will put pointless time and energy and emotion in trying to 'help' this man because that's what you want when he (most likely) does not want 'help' because he wants to do it. He will tell you he doesn't any perhaps a part of him doesn't but he will not get clean unless he absolutely wants to for himself. It's like trying to tell the dog not to chew the bone when there is hundreds buried in the yard.... Ifthe dog wants to bone, he will have the bone!

It has taken me over 2 years to realize how true that is! I wish someone had told me earlier (or that I'd believed it) after battling with my husband for years iv finally left him to his own fate. I will always support him when and if he needs me but I cannot force him to get clean and I cannot let my children be around drugs and needles. It's a sad and messed up reality but it is reality.

I am sorry I don't have any great advice. Sewnup is right though, addicts are master manipulators and unbelievably good liars. If you choose to stand by him remember that!

Best of luck to you, I hope to hear how things are going for you now.

Post edited by: Shellbok, at: 12/21/2011 02:14 AM


01/01/2012 01:37 PM
alovesopure
alovesopure  
Posts: 265
Member

hello! welcome!

i certainly understand how you feel and your situation. i am an addict but i have been on the other side of the fence too. my boyfriend, also a meth addict, has used for years [hes 40 yrs old now] and when i got sober [i have 8 months from meth] he did too. he relapsed once though and didnt tell me about it. i think he used again the other month, just cause he was acting weird and how he does when hes high...ofcourse he denied it. but anyway, the point is, he keeps using and wont stay clean. i cant have that in my life anymore. we have been together for 2 years, actually are engaged. i cant ever use again....i just cant afford to relapse. i love him, but i cant take anymore. im seriously DONE. you need to sit him down and confront your husband, tell him to get help or get out. he needs consequences, no more enabling, no more denial or looking the other way trying to avoid it. it will get worse. this disease always gets WORSE, never better....

METH is a powerful powerful drug. it was the hardest drug [out of all the substances ive ever used/abused] to quit. really. meth was the hardest drug to get off of for me.

he has to want to stop too. he has to WANT the help. its something he has to do on his own, BUT he needs your support and alot of love around him if he chooses to quit. he needs a support system. but you need to confront this NOW.

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