He is going to keep doing his own thing until he realizes he needs help and gets it. There is nothing you can do to stop him from taking drugs or seeing other women. It just won't happen without professional help for him. I'm sorry because I know that isn't what you probably want to hear, but it is the truth. At least from what I know about addictions and from my own experience. I don't know much about bi-polar so I read some of the posts there and agree with alot of what they said.

You should learn to love yourself, find out what makes you happy and what you want from life. You are very important to others and the most important person in your life. There are narc-anon meetings for the loved ones of the addict and they may help you or a counselor for yourself may do some good. They can help you sort through all of this. We are here too! I will help you anyway I can and so will others.

I will pray for you and I hope that you find the happiness you deserve. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Your Friend, Chris

My mom is an alcoholic and brothers were both addicts and alcoholics. I of course followed their path and had my own addiction issues.

I know you are hurting and frustrated right now and have every right to be! He is not holding up his end of your relationship. do you really want to settle for this for the rest of your life or even for any length of time? From my own experience, cheaters never stop! He doen't respect you and really doesn't care about your feelings. He doesn't know how to love anyone b/c he doesn't love himself. It is a very unhealthy relationship right now. I know that it is easier said than done. I spent many years being abused by men in different ways. It is no life that I want anyone to live. Abuse is physical, sexual and emotional and none of them are any better than the other! They all will leave you broken inside. Your bf is emotionally abusing you. He doesn't share his feelings and doesn't want to hear about yours. It will drain you of any self esteem or self worth that you have! Please get help for yourself so you can see this more clearly. There is a group here for co-dependants. It may offer some help for you. Help you look at things differently.

Take care! Your friend, Chris

Consider this. I used to bluff my fiancee by telling her I would take a drug test but then the trust would be ruined. She would feel bad. I would get out of it scot-free, and continue smoking.

It wasnt until I decided that I actually wanted to quit that I set a date for two months out to take a laboratory guaranteed drug test. Why did I do this? Because there comes a point that I realized that if I actually wanted to quit, nothing would make me happier than showing her definitive proof.

BTW, if his relationship with another girl makes you uncomfortable, he is a pretty disrespectful guy. My fiancee would hit mne with a frying pan if I went to lunch with some other girl.

Oh and uh most people's tongues turn slightly green near the back when they smoke. Grey is usually tobacco. ANd there are also little THC detecting wipes you can get at the drug store. Wipe down his cell phone with one and watch the lies come pouring out.

If he is or isn''t clean, you should still take care of yourself. You don't have to leave him to live your own life and not get caught up in the addiction. You can choose to get healthy and not let the addiction rule your life. It won't be easy, but it can be done.

I went through this with a boyfriend awhile ago. he was drinking and using drugs. I stayed for awhile, but ended up leaving b/c he was just not interested in stopping, and I wanted more out of my life. I didn't want to live like that anymore. I deserved better. I wasn't willing to settle for that. Life is much better now. He is in jail for his 3rd DWI, drug charges, terroristic threats on his ex-girlfriend, and assult on the officer. He is in big trouble!

No matter what you choose to do, you are important and need to take care of you! You deserve a good, happy, and healty life with Someone that loves you and will share your life. I hope that your boyfriend will find a way to stay clean and be the person you deserve. Take care and keep in touch!! Your Friend, Chris

Wow that feels really weird to say. I never thought I would feel that way about a drug test. LOL.

He is cheating on you emotionally and would give you the phone if he wasn't hiding things from you. He doesn't care about you or the relationship! He is using you and walking all over you. When are you going to stop being the "victim?" Get him out of your life and finially be happy? He would never dream of calling or talking to another girl without our knowledge if he cared! He has no respect for you! How would he feel if you were doing the same thing? Not very good I assume!

Please find a way to take care of yourself and get help in figuring why you're willing to settle for this. Why don't you think that you can be in a healthy relationship? Why do you let him continue to lie and hurt you? Even when you know in your heart that is what he is doing. What is holding you back from moving on and being happy?

I do know that he will not change until he has consequenses for his behavior. Until you tell him that you're not going to put up with this anymore and are taking charge of your own life. Nothing changes if nothing changes. (I hope that makes sense).

I hope things get better for you and that you find the strength to take back your life. It is the only way you'll ever be truely happy! I'm here if you ever need to talk. Your friend,Chris