Marijuana Addiction Support Group

Hi...my name is Heather and I'm 43 yrs old. I live in michigan and was diagnosed bi-polar in 2000..but struggled with it since 1996. I've been smoking pot,off and on...more on than off for many years. In 2007 I HAD to quit to be able to get a job. Here in Michigan most jobs drug test. I went thru HELL quitting..thank god I have supportive family. Two and 1/2 months after quitting I got a job(it took my body 6 weeks to clean out)in a nursing home,dietary dept. Shortly after getting that job I started smoking again. I had the job almost 4 months and got fired for sticking up for something I thought was wrong,nothing major, I thought,but ended up losing my job over it. Well to make a long story short I've been living on SDA(state disability aid)which isnt much at all. I live in an apartment,state housing,which has very low rent w/heat and electric included. Its definetly not where I wanna live, I mean its not bad but its a high rise and not much privacy. I never quit smokin weed again since 2007. I went to school last year to be a medical asst. knowing damn well I was gonna have to quit again. Well am all done w/school,got my certificate,and put off quitting till I REALLLLY had too, which is now. I havent smoked in 5 days,yesterday was terrible..no sleep the night before..appetite has diminished,anxiety is sky high, and just feel blah. I'm on effexor 150mg,lamictal 200mg,seroquel only suppose to be 150mg for sleep,but took 400(was on that dose prior,makes me gain weight)last night to sleep...slept 7 hours,and normally on 150 I slept for 10..along with a joint. Before quitting I was doing GREAT...I knew how I was gonna wake up each morning...now I dont know again. I go to my phychiatrist at 130 today and plan on being totally honest with her. I've been seeing her P.A. for the last year and really couldnt be honest with her cuz she seems to judgemental. She is against anti-anxiety meds,thinks weed is horrible. I can always tell when I am "sick" again cuz i start looking for bipolar support groups online,write in my journal more often,and dont wanna go out i9n public cuz I'm edgy. Does anyone deal w/weed addiction/self medicating for bi-polar??? Medicinal marijuana just got legalized in michigan this past november...but not for mental conditons. I get quite upset when something helps me so much and I cant have it

Any input would be appreiciated.

Thanx-Heather

I am bipolar and have used marijuana in the past. If you really want to stop, the best way is to go to a twelve step program like NA or AA. It has helped me immensely. I'm sure your doctor will recommend it as well. Your doctor should be attentitive to what you tell him/her. If you are there for less then half an hour the first time it's not such a good sign. Also make sure you ARE completely honest about how you feel and why you smoke. It could be you need a different or another drug to help you with anxiety and sleep. Seroquel helps me a lot with that, but the dosage is critical. Good luck.

Heather I am totally feeling the exact way! you know i feel like we have allowed to let a substance control our entire lives'. Ex. eating, sleeping, working, etc.. I am entering treatment on Sunday and currently on my 3rd day of detox! i hate it because i feel like i am letting a very good friend go. You can do it stay strong and this website has actually kept me ok for the last few hours. Lets stick to this Heather! it will only benefit out future!

xoxo your doing great!

Hey Zarah...another day today!!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!! Thinkin' bout cha!!!!

Heather

Diddo! We are doing awesome and really this is for the bettering of our future right?? ive been sticking on that today.

YES,,,definetly bettering our future!! How are you feeling today? What country are you from? I'm in the USA. Do you have support thru yer family? Children? I told my daughter recently what I was going thru,she's 22, and she was very supportive of me,which helps tremdously. If ya dont mind me asking..how old are you? I'm 43 here.

Hope to hear from ya soon

I live in Calgary, Alberta, CANADA. Today's been okay, having support from my famiy, who consists of my mom and 2 sisters. My dad passed away about 6 years ago, and i kind of went downhill from there. I am now 28 years old, and I have caused about 30,000 in debt for myself, due to drug and alcohol use. And I also am in complete chaos with school/work. It got to the point that I was staying out until all hours and not even knowing who I was with. I also have IBS now and I am really scared about the issues I will have now having kids, due to the drug use. I went to so many different counsellors, and you know I felt that it was easier for them to give me meds, then to listen. Until I met the one that said the one thing that changed my mind, she didnt say i have bi-polar, as all the other ones did, she said Welcome to the Real World Zarah... have a blast That did it for me, I needed to change something.

I have soo much respect for you Heather. Honestly. You should be so proud of yourself, that you realize that you have a future to look forward too. WE BOTH DO! Your daughter is a sign from god saying that you have soo much support and love around you. No judgements, you know..

I had lost contact with soo many people that cared and loved me because I only wanted to be around people that smoked pot and wouldnt look at me with that look of why? The main reason why I wanted to take this step was because I want to live in reality, you know.. Ive been so disconnected from reality for soo long and now I need to change things.

How is your day going today? I am so glad that your daughter is there for you, it makes a huge difference when the support and love is there for you. I am actually on my way to going out for dinner, which does kind of make me nervous, because usually i would have a glass of wine, followed by ten cocktails, and numerous amount of joints.. tonight I am the DD, and drinking cranberry juice and sprite out of a wine glass... lolol.. we shall see how this works tonight!

Although I would love to roll up a joint and sit back and enjoy the high.. BUT WE CANNOT DO THAT. We have to give ourselves a chance at experiencing the REAL world, how all these other people do

I hope we can continue supporting each other. I know I am younger, but our experience and addictive personalities seem to be the same. I will be thinking about you tonight and all of our emails.

All my thoughts and prayers..

xoxox Zarah..

Good Morning Another day is here...made it thru yesterday pretty easily. I do know though that I must switch from caffineated coffee to decaf...I am thinking cuz before when I was smokin weed the weed would mellow out the caffeine,(yes,I was smokin in the morning)but w/o smokin. I get very wired feeling.BUT anyways..I understand totally about losing a dad I lost both my parents in 2006,one in June and one in August and on top of that was going thru divorce. WOW i think back to that year and its a big blur. I was smoking an ounce of weed a week...didnt have to worry bout working cuz my parents left us (10kids)a substantial amount of money and also my ex bought me out on "our" house we shared. I wasnt on meds at the time..the weed WAS my med. I "smoked" up that money along w/going on totaly shoppin sprees. It was just drinkin and smokin...and very once in awhile snortin'. But of course all that came to an end within 9 months..I went thru $70,000 in that short amount of time. Makes me sick to think of it now...took of to Maine for 4 months too,TOTAL craziness!!!! I went out there w/someone I met online. THANK GOD nothing bad happened to me. I went out there in February 2006,before my parents died. I came back cuz they were getting very sick.

When I was in my 20's the bar scene was a popular place for me. Get just wasted,dance my ass off. My hubby(ex now) would be home w/the kids. I had an affair for 2 yrs. back then.My ex was a VERY understanding kinda guy(he smoked til 97 then just quit and didnt touch it again...he didnt understand why i just couldnt do the same..my mind was "wired" way dif from his. I did quit for 6 weeks..but then my sister (33 yrs old) passed away from breat cancer so yep a reason to go back to the weed.

Did you have an O.K. time going out last night? I know how hard that must of been...so glad though that ya went out. I was over to b/f's house last nite...his friend came over and burned one w/john(BF)he asked me first if I would be OK with it....I said go for it..cuz when I set my mind to something seriously I can do it. But I do have xanax now(temporarily while getting off weed)so that relaxes me almost like weed did. My doc is totally watching me very closly with it, and it is only temporary,sje will wean me off in a couple months the correct way. I took it before and was not weaned off correctly..ended up in the ER with a SEVERE panic attack,thought i was gonna die. Then went to doc...and they weaned me off correctly and I was fine then with also being on correct bi-polar meds.

You being younger than me I dont think matters at all...just that I feel like I could help ya cuz when I was in my 20's(ohhh how I wish I was..LOL)sounds like I was going thru what you are now, and please, really really really after you go thru this hard part, and see the light at the end of the tunnel,stick to it..I wish I would of back then...my marriage prolly wouldnt of went to hell,I would of participated more in my kids activities, and held a job worth having. But I cant think about the past..THANK GOD my kids had the father they did,cuz I honestly think they wouldnt of turned out as awesome as they are. I am sooo glad they do not hold the past against me...they just want me better again. The older they get the more awesomest they are. Theyre 24(almost)23(almost)and 20(almost)All there b-days are coming up!! NONE of them smoke weed or cigs..my oldest,who is in college likes to drink w/his buds though,but he is resposible kid who is almost done with college and I believe will do very well

OK...i think I've babbled long enuff. I am thinking about ya bunches Zarah,btw i love yer name...tomorrow you go to rehab right...will there be puter access there do ya know? And how long will ya be there? STAY STRONG!!!! It willll be sooo worth it in the end!!!! My BIG test will be after I find a job and dont have to worry bout a drug test...BUT I WILL stay away from the shit!!! I'm thinking about finding a NA group so maybe I can find some new friends who dont smoke

Thinking and praying for you!!!

Heather

Today is day 22 without weed. Its going quite well. Have come to the conclusion that I dont need it in my life. Its so nice waking up in the morning and not thinking about how much weed I have...and where my next bag is coming from...I was at a friends playing cards this weekend...and they were looking for some..it felt really good that i did not care if they found it or not. I had a blast just drinking a little wine.It isnt usally my choice of cocktail but trying to get away from white russions3 reasons,one they cost too much,another being too many flippin calories,I need to lose weight,and another I didnt want to get too buzzed where I might be tempted to smoke. That wine worked perfect. I'm a social drinker,I can have one and be happyor I can have none and still be happy. Also i realized that weed isnt helping my bi-polar, that was always my "excuse" for smoking the way i did. As long as I'm on right meds,I do much better!!! About another week or so my body will once again be rid of it, and decided after the drug testing is over (for a job)I WILL NOT go back to smoking!!!

Have a great day everyone!!!

Heather

It's great that you aren't smoking weed. But as a bi-polar I will tell you that it's best to not drink OR do drugs. It only interferes with the medication and can lead to more adverse affects. Stay sober. Take it one day at a time.