Hi,
I have witnessed this exact behaviour from my stepfather when I was a kid and he was worse than some of what you have written.
My mother came to her senses too late and by the time she had kicked him out and managed to move on with her life she lost her kids and family.
My mother no doubt loved him as the father of her son,(my step brother)and saw the good things in his character. But which of these is more important to you? - loving a man who doesn't try to stop smoking pot for the sake of his wife, relationship and family?
Or is taking control of your own life and your kids lives more important? Especially before worrying about someone who is hell bent on doing what he wants to do anyway?
I am suffering as an adult because of this type of person who helped to destroy my family.
Don't let him ruin your life - move on and then show him that he is not in control and see how quickly he gets upset. He will be angry and sure he might get worse for a while. But he will need to do is hit rock bottom before he gets back up and sees exactly how a beautiful family is more important than weed or whatever else he is up to.
Men look for strong women because they need a maternal figure in their life. Try to be strong and don't feed his anger by giving him attention while he behaves this way. - Tell him "I am not speaking with you any more, not until you sort your life out and get your priorities straight".
He will most likely abuse you verbally, but then tell him that is the sort of behaviour that has gotten out of control. You will not tolerate being spoken to or treated like dirt.
If you keep throwing wood on the fire it burns hotter and brighter. The best way to win an argument is to not have one. Avoid the issue of weed by saying something like "I don't want to talk about your marijuana use anymore - I just want you to be healthy and have a good relationship with your family".
"What you do is your own business".
By side stepping the issue you can work on other things. I smoke pot because of other problems - if you can work out what the other problems are and what triggers the weed smoking you can get closer to him quitting without him even realising it.
Its much better to point people in the right direction and allow them to think that they reached the conclusion themselves.
I get it you love your husband and he probably isn't as bad as my stepfather was so if you think that he is worth saving you need to save yourself first.
By showing him that you no longer care about the weed use and that you will be able to carry on in life without him. - Its only then that you will give him incentive to find out why you can live with out him.
I know it sounds easy for me to say. But I can tell you my wife did the same with me and she shows me that she is strong and its for my own good to stop smoking weed. Did she tell me that? No She pointed me in the right direction and allowed me to work it out for myself.
He is living in a little trailer so he can do what he wants without criticism I am guessing, so if you want him back in your house, then you might have a greater success of getting him to quit.
That's of course if you care at this point. It sounds like a long struggle and I hope this advice is useful to you.
Maybe your experiences can help me too? I have written my first diary entry today.
I just thought it would be good for me to try something new.
That Guy
